Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you!

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this lin...

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ERP 001: Turning Confusion Into Clarity (When You Are Feeling Stuck In Your Relationship)

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

02/05/15 • 30 min

If you have ever felt confused in your relationship, this episode offers a 5 step process to gain more clarity. This process will help if you are feeling confused about a small issue or if you are feeling confused about a bigger concern in your relationship.

Over the many years of working with clients with relationship concerns, especially with my individual clients, they often express feeling confused about how to resolve concerns in their relationship and even feel confused about whether they should continue in the relationship.

More often than not, clients get stuck in this confused place - going back and forth - for weeks or even sometimes years. Usually, this confusion is an attempt to avoid dealing with the real genuine feelings underlying the concern.

Here are 5 steps to consider:

1. Create the Space: Take time and give yourself permission to feel, drop in to your experience. Take an honest heartfelt look at your experience.

2. Feel your Feelings: Allow yourself to feel. Be open and real with yourself. Notice and follow the lead of your emotion. An emotion usually has a beginning, middle, and an end. If you allow the process to flow, you will usually get to a place of understanding, learning, and/or insight.

3. Encourage the Process: Stay with the process. If you identify a feeling, stay curious. Ask yourself, “Is there more?” or “Tell me more.” Have inquiry and wonder about your experience, “What is not working?” and “What am I wanting?”

4. Support: Be gentle with yourself. Set aside the critical voice. It’s okay to feel uncomfortable, afraid, and vulnerable. Consider what would be supportive for you (i.e. time in nature, alone time, taking a bath, time with a friend). Trust there will be good that comes from the process.

5. Learning: As mentioned in #2, if you stay with the process, with a curious and present approach, you will probably get to a new awareness, understanding, or perspective. This will offer you a learning of some sort and possibly a next step. You do not have to figure out or be responsible for knowing how to work it all out. The goal is to know more about yourself and your underlying needs or desires.

I would love to hear from you. Please let me know if you have any questions. You can leave me a voice message, by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review, if you would be willing to click here.

Thank you. ❤

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ERP 285: How To Mend A Relationship After An Affair - An Interview With Dr Jeanne Michele

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

09/14/21 • 55 min

On today's episode of The Empowered Relationship Podcast, I welcome Dr. Jeanne Michele, who gives her valuable insights into strengthening a relationship after an affair. We discuss the landscape of long-term intimacy, why the challenges we face can help us discover opportunities for personal and relational growth, and how we engage and co-create with our significant other in that relationship growth.

Dr. Jeanne shares her experience of where disconnect can occur in relationships when we withhold our feelings and how we can avoid getting to that stage with our partner. We dive into what kind of changes people can make in their relationships to rebuild trust after infidelity and how to initiate courageous conversations to create positive impact. Opening ourselves up emotionally can make us feel vulnerable, but it is vital to move past hurt and pain into a connected future.

Dr. Jeanne Michele designs and delivers personalized programs to men, women, and couples to help them create lives, relationships, and business partnerships that thrive. She is passionate about helping people create extraordinary relationships and lives. Her work immediately addresses crises, such as infidelity, grief, and lack of life direction, as well as the day-to-day challenges faced by couples and individuals seeking love, recovering from heartache, and those seeking greater clarity in their home and business lives. Individuals and couples experiencing a love or identity crisis find that working with Dr. Jeanne provides immediate relief and gives them the tools to create lasting change.

In this episode:

06:52 What made Dr. Jeanne turn towards the issue and challenge of infidelity in relationships

09:52 What rebuilding trust and forging new connections can look like after infidelity — and how having those courageous conversations can be challenging after deal-breaker situations

12:11 Shining a light on a deficiency or discontent in a relationship can expose issues that need to be addressed and explored.

14:45 The three fundamental needs that should be fulfilled in a relationship

18:03 Why it’s helpful to highlight the masculine dynamic and historical development when discussing the underlying causes of emotional connections or affairs outside the primary bond

31:07 Understanding the feminine need to be seen and to be validated and the inner conflict that comes when boundaries are crossed

34:39 Dr. Jeannie gives her tips on specific language to use when starting a courageous conversation about potential infidelity with a partner and why having those conversations can have a long term beneficial impact

37:46 Why baring yourself honestly and authentically helps you to connect with your spouse

41:15 Why courageous conversations and even relational-emotional hygiene help build trust in a relationship

44:43 How Dr. Jeanne supports couples to do the repair work and navigate the journey of recovering from an injury like infidelity

48:45 How to connect with Dr. Jeanne Michele and download her free ebook

Mentioned

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email:

ERP 281: How To Use The 6th Love Language In Your Relationship

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

08/17/21 • 42 min

Knowing your partner’s love language can offer positive outcomes in your relationship. The five love languages describe the different ways that romantic partners express and experience love. Oftentimes, the act of love that we’re willing to give is connected with our dominant language. Although it’s strenuous to match your partner’s especially in the early stages of your relationship, it can be achieved with practice and commitment to the process.

The practice of the 6th love language in your relationship is also pivotal to you and your partner's optimal living and real functioning. Taking time for one's self or self-care should not be viewed as a partial or total absence of engagement in the relationship. Here’s why. Today’s episode discusses how you can apply and cultivate the benefits of the 6th love language in your relationship to be more present, more available, and have more opportunities to engage in an authentic relationship with your partner.

In this episode:

04:19 Gary Chapman’s five love languages — words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, gifts — neatly package an individual’s preferred care style. Everyone has a primary love language that’s related to what they hope to receive from their partner.

11:03 The 6th love language — space — is an act of deep love and care where you give/ask your partner for space. This sense of space or solitude may come in the forms of physical or relational distance where a person takes time to contemplate, process, and feel one’s own truth.

12:47 Introverts and highly sensitive people value this love language more than others due to their absorbing nature. This allows them time to reflect, process, and be comfortable in their own company.

18:18 Emotional disconnect in relationships occurs when someone has mistakenly picked up on their partner’s non-verbal cues. To counteract this, revealing conversations that aim to articulate or educate both sides’ wants are necessary.

23:41 In times of conflict, men may benefit more from the 6th love language as they need a moment to breathe and process things before actively engaging with their partner. However, the difference in gender lies in the ability to name and articulate the concern.

28:53 On Jessica’s personal relationship: How the practice of revealing conversations and the 6th love language have sustained their healthy marriage

Mentioned

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button

ERP 262: How Do I Know When My Relationship Has Reached An End

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

04/06/21 • 43 min

In today's episode, I will offer some input on what you want to be considering if you are doubting or questioning your relationship. Evaluating the choice to stay or go will matter depending on your commitment level, if you are dating or if you are in a long-term committed relationship or marriage.

Overall, it is tough to give a prescriptive answer that will fit everyone. Some standard deal-breakers make being in a relationship impossible or too harmful and painful such as abuse, addiction, or affairs.

Other times, we may experience nuances that make it difficult to be clear about "should I stay or should I go." It is confusing when we get into trying to compare other people's experiences to our own. One situation may mean two completely different things in different relationships.

The majority of the time, when I am helping couples work with their pain, conflict, upset, discord, I see how they are both playing into the problematic dynamic. The dynamic of the relationship is usually the source of disconnect between a couple.

Listen in to learn how to improve your current relationship, dating traps you can fall into, and how to figure out what is a real dealbreaker for you with your boundaries and values.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

Common deal breakers in relationships
Commitment level in relationship makes a difference when evaluating the relationship
How to get clear about what you are experiencing in relationship
When personal protection and defenses gets in the way of connecting in a relationship
Limits and boundaries during dating
Dating traps to avoid when seeking a healthy relationship
How fantasy bonds can cloud decision making
Learning about your boundaries and sense of value
How to get clear on what you want in a relationship
Warning signs for your relationship, which can be wake-up calls if you do the work

Mentioned

How to Break Free from CoDependency Episode 260
How to Strengthen your Relationship from a Polyvagal Perspective - an Interview with Dr. Stephen Porges Episode 261

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Podcast:https://www.marisatcohen.com/book.html

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you!

ERP 228: How To See Relationship As A Spiritual Teacher - An Interview with Allana Pratt

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

08/11/20 • 43 min

Bio:

Allana Pratt is an intimacy expert, relationship coach, author of 6 books, and the host of the edgy podcast “Intimate Conversations.”

Allana offers private, group and online coaching programs for singles and couples to help her clients develop a healthy, intimate relationship with themselves first, which naturally attracts and enhances their ideal partnerships.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

In this episode, Allana Pratt and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

How our partner will mirror our work.
How to see our partner as our master spiritual teacher.
The power of taking ownership and offering an apology that lands.
How to become the one to awaken the one.
The process of growth and integration versus bypassing our wounded parts.
How we get transparency by giving transparency.
Tips for couples connection. Presencing together as a couple.
A dyad date night exercise for intimacy. Tune into one another and keep asking the question, be open and curious.

"All hearts when they are wounded close." — Allana Pratt

Mentioned:

Finding ‘The One’ is Bullsh*t: Becoming ‘The One’ is Brilliant & Beautiful, by Allana Pratt
Jennifer Jimenez Vibrant Healthy Living
David Deangelo

Connect with Allana Pratt:

Website: AllanaPratt.com

Podcast: Intimate Conversations

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/coachallanapratt

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/AlanaPratt?sub_confirmation=1

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you!

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 203: Discussing the film Ordinary Love with Lisa Barros D'Sa and Glenn Leyburn

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

02/18/20 • 26 min

In this episode, I talk with Lisa Barros D'Sa and Glenn Leyburn about the film Ordinary Love.

Bleecker Street's ORDINARY LOVE, starring Academy Award® nominees Lesley Manville (“Phantom Thread”) and Liam Neeson (“Schlinder’s List”). Following its critically acclaimed debut at TIFF, ORDINARY LOVE hit theaters on Valentine's Day, February 14th, and follows the story of an everyday couple with a remarkable love.

The film is directed by Irish filmmaking duo Lisa Barros D’Sa & Glenn Leyburn (“Good Vibrations,” “Cherrybomb”) with a screenplay from the award-winning playwright Owen McCafferty.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode, Lisa Barros D'Sa, Glenn Leyburn and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

A love story of a middle-aged couple.
The warmth, humor, and connection that comes from a deep level of intimacy.
When confronted with a major hardship, we have the opportunity to uplift each other and keep each other afloat.
With a major health issue, there is an individual journey as well as a couple journey.
When we attempt to protect our partner from our pain, we often feel isolated.
What honesty, acceptance, strength and courage can look like within a relationship during painful times.
How life's difficulties can separate us and bring us back together again.
Collaboration through mutual trust and respect.

Mentioned:

Website: https://bleeckerstreetmedia.com/ordinary-love-film
Insta: bleeckerstfilms
Twitter: @bleeckerstfilms

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication - Free Guide

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you!

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 206: What Is The Relationship Between Porn And Lovemaking

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

03/11/20 • 31 min

Typically, we don't think about porn being related to lovemaking. However, many people are experiencing relationship challenges related to the use of porn.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses:

How the use of porn has changed over time.
Our paradigm about and consciousness around porn.
What happens when we don't examine how and why we use porn.
How porn supports one aspect of sexuality, which may be very limiting when it comes to interacting with an actual partner.
How porn addiction and miseducation can interfere with love making.
How we may be turning away from our partners and using porn as a coping strategy.
How lovemaking can be an all encompassing, full-spectrum, and integrated experience.

"Porn is strictly genital sex. It completely divorces sex from emotional attachment, the springboard for optimal sex, which requires mutual engagement, attunement, and responsiveness. Porn reduces sex to sensation - intercourse and orgasm - and eliminates any connection to or respect for the user's partner." by Dr. Susan Johnson

Relationship Map - Free Cheat Sheet

Mentioned:

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you!

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 133: How To Confront The Commitment Conversation When You Are Afraid Of Rejection

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

01/07/18 • 51 min

LASER COACHING SESSION

In this episode, I offer feedback to a listener who wants to deepen the level of commitment in his relationship, but is worried about coming on too strong and scaring her off. He is also afraid of getting rejected.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear the conversation and examples to describe these points.)

TIPS TO CONSIDER:

State your desire as openly and honestly as possible.
Practice safe vulnerability. Take care of yourself. Look for an opportunity for mutual engagement.
Give space for your partner’s authentic experience.
Honor your values and relationship goals.

Excerpt from The Gottman Institute: “If you suffer a physical injury, would you wait weeks or even years before seeing a doctor? Probably not, because you know that a doctor can assess what’s wrong and treat it before things gets worse.

Unfortunately, most couples don’t think of emotional injuries in the same way. The average couple waits six years before seeking help, and by that point it can too late.

The good news is that, according to the research, prevention is 3x more effective than intervention.”

To get support and invest in the strength and health of your relationship, check out the Connected Couple program.

MENTIONED:

The Gottman Institute (website)
Photo by Gerome Viavant on Unsplash

TRANSCRIPT:

Click on this link to access the transcript for this episode: ERP 133: How to confront the commitment conversation when you are afraid of rejection [Transcript]

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please reach out to me. Here is my contact information.

I would really appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you!

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Empowered Relationship Course or doing relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 283: How To Heal From An Abusive Relationship - An Interview With Triptta Butkovich

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

08/31/21 • 42 min

A narcissistic personality operates in a way that drains its partner’s emotional, mental, or financial health. During the course of this toxic and abusive relationship, the victim would voluntarily give up their sense of self and boundaries. They would’ve even gone into the state of cognitive dissonance by not actively recognizing their own values in the hopes of pleasing somebody else.

After 16 years of living as a victim of narcissistic abuse, Triptta realized only she could change her situation. She went on doing recovery work to regain that sense of self and rediscover her personal boundaries. Although it’s difficult to go through the healing process, she believes that doing so opens opportunities for a better, healthier partnership and parenthood.

Triptta Neb Butkovich is the founder of DesignYou, a company that helps you discover how to take back your power and learn to love yourself again. Her mission is to provide a safe and open environment for victims of narcissistic and emotional abuse, to help them learn to value themselves and begin to enjoy healthy relationships again.

In this episode:

08:32 Unlike those with narcissistic personality disorder, people with narcissistic tendencies can connect with others emotionally.

11:56 A narcissist's survival lies in their way of being. They use their relationships as "supplies" to feel better about themselves.

16:49 Narcissists typically don't change. While it's possible to empathize and sympathize with them, the partner should look into building their own sense of self and setting boundaries in their relationship.

21:14 How Triptta goes about building her sense of self after being abused for so long

24:59 The need to dissolve the relationship depends on whether or not someone has the disorder. Although this doesn't apply to those with narcissistic tendencies, their partner has yet to do some inner processing by reflecting on the following questions: Who am I today? What are my values today? What are the boundaries that I've given up for myself?

29:54 The healing journey using a multi-layered, three-pronged approach on the body, mind, and soul

33:33 How practicing your personal boundaries and decision making aligns with your values and legacy statement

36:24 How to get in touch with Triptta

39:15 Self-healing or doing the recovery work gives an ability to co-create healing with a partner and creates a ripple effect by being an inspiration to children or the community

Mentioned

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com