Do The Kids Look A Little *Too* Well?
08/09/24 • 47 min
Nearly nine months into the divorce, Mark is hitting his stride with incorporating fun activities into his life, both with the kids and without them. The kids are saying they're getting used to the divorce and to missing the other parent, and they seem less upset about it - but Mark is concerned that one of his kids looks a little *too* well, and may be suppressing or hiding his upset. On the dating front, Mark realized that he is afraid of entering a romantic relationship because of the vulnerable position this puts him in, given how painful the end of his previous (and only) relationship had been for him.
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- If you are feeling unsafe, hopeless or suicidal, please call 988 for free and confidential counseling, 24/7/365. To find the number if you are outside the US, visit https://brenebrown.com/international-crisis-resources or https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp.
Nearly nine months into the divorce, Mark is hitting his stride with incorporating fun activities into his life, both with the kids and without them. The kids are saying they're getting used to the divorce and to missing the other parent, and they seem less upset about it - but Mark is concerned that one of his kids looks a little *too* well, and may be suppressing or hiding his upset. On the dating front, Mark realized that he is afraid of entering a romantic relationship because of the vulnerable position this puts him in, given how painful the end of his previous (and only) relationship had been for him.
Use This Link to Send Us Quick Feedback
- Join our mailing list for articles, videos, and notifications about additional resources.
- To talk about your experience with Dr. Magen and be on this podcast, email [email protected].
- For more support resources for divorcing dads, visit https://DivorcingDads.org.
- To learn more about Dr. Magen's parenting work, visit https://ParentingForHumans.com.
- If you are feeling unsafe, hopeless or suicidal, please call 988 for free and confidential counseling, 24/7/365. To find the number if you are outside the US, visit https://brenebrown.com/international-crisis-resources or https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp.
Previous Episode
Co-Parenting Is Actually Pretty Smooth By Now
Eight months into the divorce, Mark continues to be surprised by ways his ex makes him uncomfortable, but recognizes that co-parenting is becoming smooth overall, and could be much worse. In our recent conversations, Mark and I discussed alternatives to the parenting schedule Mark and his ex agreed to, which is a "week on, week off" schedule, that does not allow Mark to establish a weekly routine. In this conversation, Mark shares the agreement he reached with his ex to try a different kind of parenting schedule, called a 2-2-5 schedule, which is common in many shared custody co-parenting families. In addition, we discuss the urge to manage what the other parent does with the kids, and what sort of requests and conditions feel reasonable.
Topics include:
• Feeling that the ex is claiming to have a better connection with the kids
• When the ex opens the door with no pants
• How much can we dictate what the ex does with the kids, and who the kids spend time with? (hint: not much)
• Considering playdates as brief childcare
• Realizing the things that are going well in co-parenting
• Preparing to try out a 2-2-5 parenting schedule
• Planning a spring break with the kids
Use This Link to Send Us Quick Feedback
- Join our mailing list for articles, videos, and notifications about additional resources.
- To talk about your experience with Dr. Magen and be on this podcast, email [email protected].
- For more support resources for divorcing dads, visit https://DivorcingDads.org.
- To learn more about Dr. Magen's parenting work, visit https://ParentingForHumans.com.
- If you are feeling unsafe, hopeless or suicidal, please call 988 for free and confidential counseling, 24/7/365. To find the number if you are outside the US, visit https://brenebrown.com/international-crisis-resources or https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp.
Next Episode
Have I Just Been Suppressing My Feelings?
Nine and a half months after the divorce, Mark accidentally ran into his ex's partner (who was also the ex's affair partner), and was surprised at the intensity of his reaction. We talk about the process of becoming less reactive to past trauma, and about how to manage intense emotional reactions to the ex and her partner. Mark is also wondering how to support his kids about concerns they express regarding their mom's partner. On other fronts, Mark is figuring out his dating ethics and specifically how he feels about dating multiple people at the same time, and wondering if a new relationship could take away from his connection with his kids. We also talk about what to do when feeling sad immediately after the kids leave, and whether or not it's okay to try to feel better, rather than embrace feeling sad about not being with the ones we love.
Topics include:
• How long does it take to stop being triggered by the ex and reminders of the divorce?
• Running into the ex's current partner, who is also the ex's affair partner
• To disclose discomfort or to not disclose discomfort to the ex?
• The benefit of immediately connecting with a friend when becoming suddenly upset
• Measuring "emotional progress" by looking at the time to recover from emotional shocks (and not just by initial intensity of upset)
• How to support kids about concerns they express about the ex's partner
• The ethics of going on multiple dates on the same week
• Dealing with the sadness that sets in after parting with the kids
• It's okay to not experience pain when we're away from people we love; it does not mean we love them any less
• And... Mark's top tip for taking kids to Disney theme parks
Use This Link to Send Us Quick Feedback
- Join our mailing list for articles, videos, and notifications about additional resources.
- To talk about your experience with Dr. Magen and be on this podcast, email [email protected].
- For more support resources for divorcing dads, visit https://DivorcingDads.org.
- To learn more about Dr. Magen's parenting work, visit https://ParentingForHumans.com.
- If you are feeling unsafe, hopeless or suicidal, please call 988 for free and confidential counseling, 24/7/365. To find the number if you are outside the US, visit https://brenebrown.com/international-crisis-resources or https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp.
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