Dawn Alyse - Ep. 27.6 - I don’t want to be known as his wife ever again.

08/18/21 • 13 min

Divorce: The First Six Months with Peter Maestrey

In this last episode with Dawn Alyse, we talk about what she wants for herself, where she has set limits, and what she doesn’t want to be known for. From the time we began this conversation with Dawn till this very last episode, we learned so much about her, but nothing will prepare you for what she reveals at the end of episode 27.6.

As a listener, like you, I learned about Dawn. Her story, who she is, and most importantly who she wants to be. For the first time, like you, I heard about her ex, her business employees, and what it was like to acclimate into her very own skin after divorce. For the first time, I found myself listening to an episode more than once. Some of her episodes, I chose to listen to several times in order to better understand the severity of what I was privy to have heard. This episode is one of those. I couldn’t understand why someone would want to run away from family, a business, and the very thing she most desires.

Dawn discovers something for herself in this episode, and we are there as an audience to witness it. All of it. Her silence, her discovery, and the moment that the seed was planted. The seed of hope. As I watched it again and again, the moment became clearer and clearer. The moment when someone sees that something they thought was too far to reach becomes close enough to hold. The moment when we give up the story of “this is not possible” for the dream that “this is possible”.

We are there, front row, in the theater of what is Dawn's life. Watching the biggest breakthrough someone could have for themselves. Them choosing to face the fear. To move in a direction towards what they want, and not away from it.

But if you think you will understand what I am writing, or grasp all of it by just hearing this one episode. I want to invite you to consider, that, it is not possible. Like life, there are no shortcuts. So, go back and listen to the entire story, starting at 27.1. Know who this woman is, and what she went through, so you can understand why the very last minutes of this conversation are so profound.

We are all experiencing different versions of the same story in this life. Some choose to face them sooner than others, but those that face it, like Dawn, and share their victories, as well as, their defeats. They reveal doors. Those doors are the fears we could face. To move through them we must choose to open them, and most times that means we must endure things we much rather forget, or not stir up.

But, it is only when you have a choice, that you can choose. It is only when you become aware that something is missing, that you will search for it. So when you are ready, make your choice. Not a second sooner. I hope you enjoy Dawn's story, I did.

Wherever you are emotionally when you hear this episode, know that it is perfect. You are perfect. Know that you are not broken, and that nothing needs to be fixed. Take solace in knowing that other before you have managed, and that so will you.

BE Courageous.

BE Vulnerable.

It makes a difference.

BE Courageous.

BE Vulnerable.

It makes a difference.

Previous Episode

Dawn Alyse - Ep. 27.5 - Don’t stay because of the kids.

In this episode we talk about some seriously unnerving things. Dawn creates what it was like to live with an abusive person. Not physically, how it started, but mentally. She talks about how it began with him stalking her, and her believing that he was just showing interest in her. She talks about what she did when learned she was pregnant, how she left the state for a month, and how he was at her front porch when she returned, uninvited.

One of the things I want you to be mindful of inside this episode, is that you will not hear her blame anyone other than herself when it comes down to the time lost and the choices made. You will hear how she questions why she stayed and what had her be with someone whom she knew was not good for her since day one.
Listen to how easy it is for her to live someone else's idea of what our happiness is. How the people around her, even her very own kids, were trained to treat her as if she was the one that is crazy.

Dawn is not crazy, nor is she emotional, but she was led to believe that she was. She was led to believe that it was her throughout the marriage that needed more. If this sounds familiar, then tune in to this episode. Dawn is a woman who is turning this abuse around and facing it head on. She is sharing her tools, as well as her insights with you, the audience, in hopes that you might not have to endure 22 years of something that under no circumstance is worth it. Not for the kids, not for your health, not for anything.

This episode is packed with useful material for someone dealing in an abusive relationship, or recovering from one. I am grateful that this story is being shared, that this man is being exposed, and that Dawn gets to voice the trauma that she has endured so that others can learn from it.

It takes a lot of courage to tell your very own story. It takes trust, vulnerability, and moving forward past your own mind to attain the freedom we seek, and deserve. The beauty of Dawn’s story, and so many like it, is that when it is told. The oppressors, the manipulators, and the gas lighters alike get diluted. They get a spotlight on them, as the victims rise up and reclaim their own stories.
When you find a way to amplify your story, it allows others to hear it, and to answer the call of support. When we echo stories like Dawn’s, her ex has to face greater numbers, as opposed to the one woman he has concentrated on for so long. It changes the rules of the game, and it changes the way Dawn and women like her survive and thrive.

Next Episode

WEEKEND NUGGET - 2.5 years without sex

In this episode I talk about how my story had me without sex for almost 2.5 years. I talk about why that happened, and why I chose to go so long without. I share what it is that had me be intimate with someone after such a long time, and what that looked like. I talk about fucking and making love, and what I find to be the difference between the two after going so long without the touch of a woman.
I would like to believe that I was not ready to be with someone during that time, but the truth is that I was so scared of being rejected I didn't even try. I think that if someone had found me attractive, or wanted me in that way, I would not had been able to see it. I was walking with my head facing the ground while holding my heart in my hand. I never looked up long enough to entertain the idea that I was wanted. After my divorce, that part of me went silent, I guess.
I think the reason I even recorded this podcast is because it happened. Not only did it happen, but I am not ashamed, bothered, or have given it any destructive meaning. I never questioned why it wasn't there. It was just something that wasn't happening. Why I went this long without sex motivates me to shed another layer with you and record it within a weekend nugget.
As I reflect now, I recall wanting to be touched, to be wanted sexually. Yet, It wasn't till someone reached out and made the first move that I was even awake to the possibility. Awake to feeling sexy, appreciated and wanted.
In so many ways, this time away from being touched has given me access to something far greater than being held. I find myself not apologizing for what I want now, and being more transparent in sharing what I need. I find myself not thinking about someone else first, as I have for so many years. Which may sound selfish to some, and I am okay with that. Being first is so foreign to me that I embrace whatever judgement comes with it.
To be so present that I can place myself first, has been a gift. It has given me the confidence to know and share who I am. It has reminded me that if I am not happy, how could I make someone else happy.
So, wherever you are. I hope this episode reminds you of how important it is to embrace your process, however it reveals itself to you. To share your story to whomever will listen, and to always place yourself first before anyone else. You are that important.