How to: Tell Your Kids About Your Divorce with Therapist Oona Metz

08/02/24 • 6 min

7 Listeners

In this insightful episode, we tackle one of the most challenging conversations a parent can face during a divorce: telling your children. Therapist Oona Metz joins us to share expert advice on how to approach this delicate subject with honesty and sensitivity. Oona emphasizes the importance of being both vulnerable and resilient, modeling these qualities for your children. She explains that while every parent wants to protect their kids, it is crucial to communicate honestly about family changes, providing a balance between acknowledging sadness and reassuring them that the family will navigate through this together. Oona advises that the timing of the conversation should be considered carefully, with older children being told sooner due to their ability to sense household tension, while much younger children should be informed closer to any major changes, like a parent moving out.

Oona also stresses the importance of using a calm, unified approach when delivering the news. Ideally, both parents should work together to create a set of agreed-upon statements to guide the conversation, ensuring consistency and avoiding potential conflicts in front of the children. For parents who must deliver the news alone, Oona reassures that it is better to have one thoughtful, composed parent communicate the message than two parents who disagree. The first conversation should be kept brief and focus on the decision to separate, using the term "separation" initially to introduce the concept of divorce gently. While avoiding intricate details about the reasons for the separation, it’s crucial to offer a simple explanation like “We haven’t been getting along” and reassure your children that efforts were made to resolve issues. Emphasize that while some aspects of their lives might change, your love and commitment to them remain constant. Finally, encourage your children to express their feelings and assure them that they can approach you with any questions or concerns as everyone adjusts to the new family dynamics.

Learn more about Oona Metz: https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/resourceguide/oona-metz-licsw

Learn more about Oona Metz: https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/resourceguide/oona-metz-licsw

Previous Episode

Family Law Attorney Jolee Vacchi Answers: What is Considered "Property" in a Divorce?

7 Recommendations

In this episode, we talk to Jolee Vacchi, family law attorney and founder of Foundations Family Law & Mediation Center. We dive into the complexities of property division during a divorce, exploring how assets and liabilities are distributed between separating spouses. Property in a divorce context encompasses everything from real estate and personal belongings to financial assets like bank accounts, investments, and retirement funds.

We also discuss how debts are factored into this process, ensuring listeners understand that liabilities are divided alongside assets. Jolee clarifies what constitutes marital property—assets acquired during the marriage—and distinguish it from separate property, which includes items owned before marriage or received individually as gifts or inheritances.

We also examine the concept of equitable distribution, a legal principle used in many states to ensure a fair division of marital property. Unlike equal distribution, equitable distribution doesn't always mean a 50/50 split; instead, it considers factors like each spouse’s financial and non-financial contributions to the marriage, the duration of the marriage, and each party's economic circumstances post-divorce. We explain how courts interpret "equitable" and what it means for divorcing couples who must negotiate these terms.

Foundations Family Law & Mediation Center is a boutique family law practice based in Worcester County, Massachusetts. We strive to resolve family law conflicts as painlessly and peacefully as possible. Our approach is caring and dignified. While not afraid to utilize strong tactics if needed, the preferred method is respectful and amicable, especially when children are involved. We firmly believe that something beautiful can be made from something broken, and we will be with you every step of the way to help you build a solid foundation for the future you deserve. A future filled with freedom, stability, and peace of mind.

You can find more information about Jolee Vacchi here: https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/resourceguide/foundations-family-law-mediation-center

Next Episode

How to: Navigate Dating After Divorce with Dr. Susan Trotter

7 Recommendations

In this episode, we sit down with Dr. Susan Trotter, a renowned relationship, dating, and divorce coach, to explore the often daunting world of dating after divorce. Dr. Trotter offers valuable insights into regaining confidence and embracing the possibilities that come with a fresh start. She emphasizes the importance of self-discovery and healing before jumping into the dating scene, encouraging listeners to take time to understand their needs and desires. By focusing on personal growth and cultivating self-compassion, individuals can build a strong foundation of confidence, making them more open to meaningful connections. Dr. Trotter also shares practical advice on where to meet potential partners, from online dating platforms to community events, and stresses the importance of approaching each interaction with an open mind and heart.

Dr. Trotter highlights the benefits of viewing dating as a journey of self-exploration and opportunity rather than a task to be completed. She encourages listeners to let go of preconceived notions about what dating "should" be and instead remain open to new experiences and people. This mindset allows for a more enjoyable and authentic dating process, free from unnecessary pressure and expectations. Additionally, Dr. Trotter discusses strategies for tackling the dating process with a positive attitude, including setting realistic goals, being honest about intentions, and maintaining clear boundaries. By following these guidelines, individuals can navigate the dating landscape post-divorce with confidence, resilience, and a renewed sense of excitement about the future.

Learn more about Dr. Susan Trotter: https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/resourceguide/susan-trotter