How to Protect Your Home (and Sanity) During Divorce with Mortgage Expert Matthew DiBrino

03/31/25 • 16 min

6 Listeners

In this powerful episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia Howell sits down with former divorce attorney and current mortgage expert Matthew DiBrino to unpack one of the most stressful parts of divorce: what to do about the house. With years of legal experience and now co-owner of High Quality Mortgage, Matthew brings a rare and compassionate dual perspective to navigating real estate during separation.

From understanding your mortgage options to knowing when and how to get pre-approved, Matthew offers actionable advice for anyone wondering what happens to their home during a divorce. He breaks down common scenarios like buyouts, refinancing, and why getting a mortgage pre-approval early in the process can save you time, money, and emotional stress.

Whether you're in the middle of a divorce or planning for a fresh start, this episode will help you feel more empowered and informed about one of the biggest assets involved in a separation. Plus, Matthew shares encouragement, real-life examples, and a refreshing approach to supporting clients as whole people—not just numbers on paper.

Learn more about Matthew DiBrino on his Fresh Starts profile: https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/resourceguide/high-quality-mortgage-llc

Divorce Happens Podcast: Episode Transcript with Matthew DiBrino

Olivia Howell (Host): Hello, hello! Welcome back to Divorce Happens, the podcast where we support you before, during, and after divorce with education, inspiration, and a little bit of laughter—because as we know, divorce happens, and then you start fresh. Today we’re here with one of our Fresh Starts experts, talking about a very important topic. Matthew, can you tell us who you are and what you do?

Matthew D. DiBrino: Sure! Hi, my name is Matthew DiBrino. I'm a former practicing divorce attorney. I began my legal journey in 1999, clerking for the Honorable Thomas F. Brogan in Passaic County, who was then in the Family Division. After that, I received incredible training from one of the best attorneys I know, Jose Bastyr in Paterson, New Jersey. I worked in divorce law for quite some time until about 10 years ago, when I left the practice and opened High Quality Mortgage. I haven’t practiced law in a decade, but I still work closely with divorce attorneys and their clients.

I also went through a divorce myself. And something to note—one of my mentors was Joseph Noda, one of the founders of the collaborative divorce process. That approach really focuses on making the process less contentious and more amicable.

Olivia: Absolutely. There’s really nobody better to talk to about this than you. When I went through my divorce, owning a home with my ex-husband brought up a lot of questions. The house is often the number one concern when people start considering separation. Let’s talk about that. What’s the first step if you have a mortgage and you’re starting the divorce process, but don’t know what you’re going to do with the home?

Matthew: Great question. The first thing you want to do is evaluate your options, which starts with getting a fair market appraisal of the home. That’s going to give you clarity. From there, you typically have three options:

Sell the home and split the proceeds (though that can be adjusted depending on the divorce terms).
One party buys out the other’s equity.
Refinance to remove one party from the mortgage and deed.

Let’s say there’s $100,000 in equity—$400,000 home value, $300,000 mortgage. That means each party is entitled to $50,000. If one spouse is buying out the other, they’d need to provide that amount to get them off the mortgage and deed.

The issue we often see is that agreements are made assuming one party can refinance—but later they find out they can’t qualify. I’d love to see pre-approvals happen much earlier—during mediation or early settlement panels—so that everyone knows what’s actually possible.

Olivia: That makes so much sense. And you can get pre-approved before you’ve even talked about divorce with your spouse, right?

Matthew: Yes, absolutely. Pre-approval depends on verifying income and pulling credit, which we can do independently from the spouse. Whether you’re salaried or self-employed affects how we calculate usable income. The only complication early on might be factoring in child support or alimony, if that will be a part of your income.

Olivia: So it’s better to get that clarity up front, even quietly, so you can mak...

Learn more about Matthew DiBrino on his Fresh Starts profile: https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/resourceguide/high-quality-mortgage-llc

Divorce Happens Podcast: Episode Transcript with Matthew DiBrino

Sell the home and split the proceeds (though that can be adjusted depending on the divorce terms).
One party buys out the other’s equity.
Refinance to remove one party from the mortgage and deed.

Olivia: That makes so much sense. And you can get pre-approved before you’ve even talked about divorce with your spouse, right?

Olivia: So it’s better to get that clarity up front, even quietly, so you can mak...

Previous Episode

3 Things I Learned from My Divorce with Grieve Leave Founder Rebecca Feinglos

6 Recommendations

In this powerful episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia sits down with grief support specialist and founder of Grieve Leave, Rebecca Feinglos, to explore the layered emotions and life shifts that come with divorce. Together, they dive deep into the intersection of grief and relationship loss, revealing how losing a parent can shape how we love—and leave. Rebecca shares her own story of heartbreak and healing, highlighting the pivotal moment she realized she didn’t have to normalize unhealthy behavior in her marriage.

Rebecca opens up about the three biggest lessons she learned through divorce: that you are never truly stuck, that self-discovery is a vital part of the healing process, and that it’s okay to feel both grief and freedom at the same time. She emphasizes the importance of tuning into your gut, even when the world around you tells you to stay. Her insights remind listeners that grief doesn’t just follow death—it can show up in endings of all kinds, and it deserves time, space, and care.

Rebecca Feinglos (pronounced fine-gloss) is a certified grief support specialist, startup founder, and former policy advisor who launched Grieve Leave in 2021 after experiencing profound personal loss, including the deaths of both parents and a difficult divorce. Grieve Leave has since grown into a global movement, reaching over 30,000 people and encouraging intentional time for grieving through community, resources, and humor. Based between North Carolina and Montreal, Rebecca is a nationally recognized voice in grief advocacy, featured in TIME, HuffPost, and ELLE, and she's on a mission to make the world more grief-informed—one honest conversation at a time.

Transcript – Divorce Happens with Grieve Leave Founder Rebecca Feinglos

Olivia: Welcome back to Divorce Happens, the podcast where we support you before, during, and after divorce with education, inspiration, and a little bit of laughter—because as we know, divorce happens, and then you start fresh. Today, I'm joined by someone very special, someone I first connected with years ago when we were both building our platforms. We share a love of grief work, Jewish family roots, and yes—even puppets. Rebecca, I'm so glad you're here. Can you introduce yourself?

Rebecca Feinglos: Thanks, Olivia. I'm so excited to be here. I'm Rebecca Feinglos, the founder of Grieve Leave, an organization that focuses on grief, loss, and helping people navigate all types of grief—not just death. As someone who lost both of my parents before the age of 30 and then went through a divorce, I understand how grief can manifest in many forms. At Grieve Leave, we talk about grief that stems from life transitions like divorce, and we encourage people to take intentional time to process those experiences.

Olivia: I love that. It’s so important to normalize grief beyond death. As you know, I’m also happily divorced, but the grief still shows up sometimes. With that in mind, I’d love to know—what are the three biggest things you learned from your divorce?

Rebecca: First, you are not stuck. I felt stuck for so long in a life I thought I wanted. I had invested years into the relationship and told myself I had to make it work because of that. But it took losing both of my parents to realize that I wasn’t stuck—that I could make a different choice. And I did. I separated from my ex at 31 and haven’t looked back.

Olivia: That’s powerful. Did your parents know him?

Rebecca: My mom died when I was very young, so she never met him. But my dad did. He started seeing through the cracks of our relationship before I fully admitted what was happening. His concern and support were huge for me. After he passed, one of the questions my therapist asked was, “Would your dad support you in leaving?” And my answer was a resounding yes. That gave me clarity. It was heartbreaking, but I knew I had to break the cycle.

Olivia: That makes so much sense. I know people who stay in relationships because they feel like they’re honoring a deceased parent’s wishes. I imagine it must be hard dating again, knowing your new partner will never meet your dad.

Rebecca: It was really hard at first. My dad was my best friend, my moral compass. But I’ve learned that my partner can still get to know him—through me. Through my stories, my values, and who I am. That’s the vulnerability part. It’s not easy, but it’s beautiful too.

Olivia: What’s the second big thing you learned from your divorce?

Rebecca: You don’t have to be yelled at all the time. That might s...

Next Episode

3 Things I Learned from My Divorce with writer Kelly McMasters

6 Recommendations

In this heartfelt and poetic episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia Howell sits down with writer, professor, and single mom Kelly McMasters to explore the deep emotional work of divorce—and the self-discovery that follows. Kelly shares powerful quotes that helped anchor her through her own experience, including words from poets like Marie Howe and Joy Harjo. She explains how poetry offered moments of stillness, truth, and community when everything else felt uncertain.

Kelly opens up about the emotional weight of letting go of fantasies, expectations, and the version of love she once believed in. Together, she and Olivia reflect on how divorce often brings us back to childhood, revealing the roots of our beliefs about love, safety, and self-worth. Kelly also discusses her acclaimed book The Leaving Season, and how writing it helped her reclaim her story—not just as a divorcée, but as a mother, artist, and woman rebuilding home from the ground up.

This episode is a celebration of growth, honesty, and the surprising beauty of starting over. If you’re navigating the messy middle of divorce—or simply seeking insight into how we piece ourselves back together—you’ll walk away from this conversation feeling seen, supported, and inspired.

Transcription:

Olivia Howell: Hello, hello! Welcome back to Divorce Happens, the podcast where we support you before, during, and after divorce—with education, inspiration, and of course, a little bit of laughter. Because divorce happens, and then you start fresh. Today, I’m here with our friend Kelly. Kelly, who are you? What do you do? Where are you from?

Kelly McMasters: Hi! I’m Kelly McMasters. I'm a mom, a writer, a professor—and I’m divorced.

Olivia: I love that. One of our favorite things to do on this podcast is talk to people who’ve gone through divorce about what they’ve learned. I truly believe divorce is one of the most intense learning environments we’ll ever experience. So, Kelly, what were three things you learned from your divorce?

Kelly: I love that you used the word “environment,” because divorce really does have these amorphous borders—it’s all-encompassing. One thing I learned is how important it is to find small anchors. For me, poetry was one of those anchors. I was at a reading recently and in walked this famous poet—wild hair and all—and I realized it was Marie Howe. Her poetry helped me get through my divorce. I even used one of her lines to open my book:

“You think this happened only once—and long ago?”

That line has so many meanings, but to me, it means that in the moment of deep grief, it feels like you are completely alone—that no one else could understand. But the truth is, you are not alone. It’s a reminder to reach out in those dark moments.

Another quote that helped me is from Willa Cather’s The Professor's House:

“The heart of another is a dark forest, always, no matter how close it has been to one’s own.”

That quote reminded me that I had to let go of the fantasy. Let go of what I thought was true. That was the hardest part—letting go of expectations, hopes, and dreams so I could live in the real world again. Once I did that, everything shifted.

Olivia: Can you read that first quote again?

Kelly: “You think this happened only once—and long ago?”

Olivia: I love that so much. That resonates deeply with me. When you go through divorce, it often brings you back to who you were as a child. You start realizing that your definitions of love were formed way before your marriage. For me, it was even more of a personal rediscovery than motherhood. I had to uncover and heal the pieces of me that stayed in a marriage that wasn’t loving.

Kelly: Absolutely. That really resonates. Another poem that helped me is by Joy Harjo, called “Memory Sack.” It has three short lines:

“With our pack of memories / long slack on our backs / we venture into the circle.”

That helped me see divorce not as isolation but as entering into a new community.

Olivia: Yes! I get that completely.

Kelly: And Olivia, thank you for the work you do—bringing people together, creating this space. I didn’t have that when I was going through it. That’s one of the reasons I wrote The Leaving Season. Now, we have communities online, in bookshops, and through amazing authors like Amy Shearn, Maggie Smith, and more who are reshaping how we talk about divorce.

Olivia: When did you get divorced?

Kelly: Officially, in 2016. But I left in 2013.

Olivia: I feel like the last five years have completely changed the narrative around...