Dadvengers #32 - Ortis Deley

***Trigger Warning*** – In this episode we discuss topics that may be triggering for some listeners, namely miscarriage. If you are affected by any of the subjects in this episode you can find support here.

Ortis Deley is a radio DJ, actor and tv presenter, best known as the host of the Gadget Show But his most important job is as a dad to two young children!

In this episode, Ortis tells us about waiting until he was 43 to become a dad. He wanted to feel ready for parenthood – but becoming a dad wasn’t as easy as he and his wife had hoped. It wasn't until they'd experienced three miscarriages that they were able to find support from a specialist doctor. Families experiencing miscarriage often don't get to talk about it as much as they might need. It is a topic that can be hard to hear and talk about. But Ortis hopes to help other families who have been through, or are going through, the same thing.

We also talk about his children with a healthy understanding of how the world will view them because they’re black, and ensuring they have the tools to help them navigate this from a young age.

We’re so grateful to Ortis for joining us and sharing his experiences. This is a brilliant episode every parent needs to hear.

Time Codes

2:05 – "I became a dad at 43... The fear didn’t really creep in until we were at home!" - Ortis on becoming a parent.

7:46 – “My dad was the disciplinarian... I have never heard him say I love you, but I know that he does."

Ortis' relationship with his dad.

14:06 – “I am raising kids who will be categorised, classed and hemmed in." - Ortis on raising his children to be aware of the prejudices they may face in life.

18:15 – “My daughter is 6 and my son is 3. It is important my kids are aware they'll be treated differently because of how they look." - How Ortis also educates his children about race.

23:58 – “Trying not to be my dad when it comes to discipline is a lot harder than I thought it would be!" - What Ortis finds difficult about parenting.

26:24 – “Being a parent ain’t easy and my wife is always encouraging me to apologise to our children. To let them know that it’s OK to make a mistake." - Why apologising to our kids is so important.

36:06 – “Rachel and I had three miscarriages... nothing prepares you for that." - Ortis shares his experience with miscarriage.

40:33 – “A friend told us about a miscarriage specialist... that treatment resulted in Phoenix." - Ortis on the treatment that led to them having their children,

42:38 - "It is healthy to cry, and it is healthy to talk. There wasn’t anything bottled up." - How Ortis and his wife have coped with their experiences.

44:30 – "More people should be made aware of its potential... and that there are more ways to help." -why we should talk about miscarriage more.

46:39 - "I also hope that anyone going through it, or has been through it, knows somebody they can share the burden with." - The importance of talking and getting support.

48:37 - "Phoenix brought happiness from the ashes of three miscarriages... Quincey means, number 5, he was our fifth pregnancy!" - The significance of Ortis' children's names.

55:41 – Ortis’ dad superpower.

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