Dadvengers #32 - Ortis Deley
10/19/23 • 60 min
***Trigger Warning*** – In this episode we discuss topics that may be triggering for some listeners, namely miscarriage. If you are affected by any of the subjects in this episode you can find support here.
Ortis Deley is a radio DJ, actor and tv presenter, best known as the host of the Gadget Show But his most important job is as a dad to two young children!
In this episode, Ortis tells us about waiting until he was 43 to become a dad. He wanted to feel ready for parenthood – but becoming a dad wasn’t as easy as he and his wife had hoped. It wasn't until they'd experienced three miscarriages that they were able to find support from a specialist doctor. Families experiencing miscarriage often don't get to talk about it as much as they might need. It is a topic that can be hard to hear and talk about. But Ortis hopes to help other families who have been through, or are going through, the same thing.
We also talk about his children with a healthy understanding of how the world will view them because they’re black, and ensuring they have the tools to help them navigate this from a young age.
We’re so grateful to Ortis for joining us and sharing his experiences. This is a brilliant episode every parent needs to hear.
Time Codes
2:05 – "I became a dad at 43... The fear didn’t really creep in until we were at home!" - Ortis on becoming a parent.
7:46 – “My dad was the disciplinarian... I have never heard him say I love you, but I know that he does."
Ortis' relationship with his dad.
14:06 – “I am raising kids who will be categorised, classed and hemmed in." - Ortis on raising his children to be aware of the prejudices they may face in life.
18:15 – “My daughter is 6 and my son is 3. It is important my kids are aware they'll be treated differently because of how they look." - How Ortis also educates his children about race.
23:58 – “Trying not to be my dad when it comes to discipline is a lot harder than I thought it would be!" - What Ortis finds difficult about parenting.
26:24 – “Being a parent ain’t easy and my wife is always encouraging me to apologise to our children. To let them know that it’s OK to make a mistake." - Why apologising to our kids is so important.
36:06 – “Rachel and I had three miscarriages... nothing prepares you for that." - Ortis shares his experience with miscarriage.
40:33 – “A friend told us about a miscarriage specialist... that treatment resulted in Phoenix." - Ortis on the treatment that led to them having their children,
42:38 - "It is healthy to cry, and it is healthy to talk. There wasn’t anything bottled up." - How Ortis and his wife have coped with their experiences.
44:30 – "More people should be made aware of its potential... and that there are more ways to help." -why we should talk about miscarriage more.
46:39 - "I also hope that anyone going through it, or has been through it, knows somebody they can share the burden with." - The importance of talking and getting support.
48:37 - "Phoenix brought happiness from the ashes of three miscarriages... Quincey means, number 5, he was our fifth pregnancy!" - The significance of Ortis' children's names.
55:41 – Ortis’ dad superpower.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
***Trigger Warning*** – In this episode we discuss topics that may be triggering for some listeners, namely miscarriage. If you are affected by any of the subjects in this episode you can find support here.
Ortis Deley is a radio DJ, actor and tv presenter, best known as the host of the Gadget Show But his most important job is as a dad to two young children!
In this episode, Ortis tells us about waiting until he was 43 to become a dad. He wanted to feel ready for parenthood – but becoming a dad wasn’t as easy as he and his wife had hoped. It wasn't until they'd experienced three miscarriages that they were able to find support from a specialist doctor. Families experiencing miscarriage often don't get to talk about it as much as they might need. It is a topic that can be hard to hear and talk about. But Ortis hopes to help other families who have been through, or are going through, the same thing.
We also talk about his children with a healthy understanding of how the world will view them because they’re black, and ensuring they have the tools to help them navigate this from a young age.
We’re so grateful to Ortis for joining us and sharing his experiences. This is a brilliant episode every parent needs to hear.
Time Codes
2:05 – "I became a dad at 43... The fear didn’t really creep in until we were at home!" - Ortis on becoming a parent.
7:46 – “My dad was the disciplinarian... I have never heard him say I love you, but I know that he does."
Ortis' relationship with his dad.
14:06 – “I am raising kids who will be categorised, classed and hemmed in." - Ortis on raising his children to be aware of the prejudices they may face in life.
18:15 – “My daughter is 6 and my son is 3. It is important my kids are aware they'll be treated differently because of how they look." - How Ortis also educates his children about race.
23:58 – “Trying not to be my dad when it comes to discipline is a lot harder than I thought it would be!" - What Ortis finds difficult about parenting.
26:24 – “Being a parent ain’t easy and my wife is always encouraging me to apologise to our children. To let them know that it’s OK to make a mistake." - Why apologising to our kids is so important.
36:06 – “Rachel and I had three miscarriages... nothing prepares you for that." - Ortis shares his experience with miscarriage.
40:33 – “A friend told us about a miscarriage specialist... that treatment resulted in Phoenix." - Ortis on the treatment that led to them having their children,
42:38 - "It is healthy to cry, and it is healthy to talk. There wasn’t anything bottled up." - How Ortis and his wife have coped with their experiences.
44:30 – "More people should be made aware of its potential... and that there are more ways to help." -why we should talk about miscarriage more.
46:39 - "I also hope that anyone going through it, or has been through it, knows somebody they can share the burden with." - The importance of talking and getting support.
48:37 - "Phoenix brought happiness from the ashes of three miscarriages... Quincey means, number 5, he was our fifth pregnancy!" - The significance of Ortis' children's names.
55:41 – Ortis’ dad superpower.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Previous Episode
Dadvengers #31 - Rory Crawford
Dadvengers Podcast Episode 31 - Rory Crawford
Rory Crawford is a CBeebies presenter, a marine conservationist, and also a nature enthusiast. But most of all he is a loving father of 2 children. Rory is doing it all!
In this episode we hear how Rory grew up in a family with both his parents, and some brilliant strong male role models around him, and he shares how they shaped him into the man, and father, he is today!
He also talks all about the ridiculous paternity leave system in the UK, why there shouldn't be a bottle vs. breast feeding debate, and the thing that scares Rory most bringing children up in the current climate.
This great episode touches on so many important topics – it’s one you really don’t want to miss.
Huge thanks to Rory for joining us and being a brilliant guest!
Time Codes
01:30 – "Everyone's got a podcast now Nigel - but I jumped in and I loved it." - Rory on why he is a fan of the Podcast!
06:50 - “It was a charmed childhood. And kind of old school. My dad worked and mum stayed at home raising us kids.” - Rory talks about his childhood in Glasgow.
07:54 - “My dad worked in health promotion. I grew up wearing t-shirts from his campaigns. Like don’t dance with drugs!” - Rory tells us about his dad's job, and his interesting wardrobe as a kid!
13:51 – “My dad is most proud of us being principled people. If we believe in something... we stand up and say something.” - Rory also tells us what his dad is most proud of in his children.
19:56 - "Getting that language has only become more common in the past 10-5 years. To understand trauma and feel ok to talk about it” - Rory on the positive changes happening in talking about mental health.
24:50 – “Going from one to two is more than twice as hard... you don’t expect it!” - Rory on the change from having one, to two children,
30:03 – “Some of it is mindset. If you’re prepared and calmer... invariably that helps”. - Rory on handling tricky conversations with his kids.
32:56 – “I knew how it felt to be hit and feel scared... It also had some affect in me deciding not to do that.” - Rory tells us why he's strongly against smacking his own kids.
35:08 – "You come in with an impression that breastfeeding is the most natural thing you can do. But it isn’t that straightforward.” - Rory tells us why they hybrid fed their first child and the stigma around it.
42:31 – “It is utterly preposterous and it is not enough time. It doesn’t recognise the benefits of having two parents around to support and work together.” - Rory on the UK’s Paternity Leave.
47:08 – “It can feel like Armageddon... for me that is the big thing that I worry about”. - What worries Rory most about the environmental crisis.
52:51 – “The main thing is to feel passion about it – for children it is inbuilt”. How Rory teaches his kids about the importance of looking after the planet.
57:22 – “The moments I find are golden in parenting are when you see them acting in a way with someone else.” - Rory shares the moments knows he is getting parenting right!
58:40 – Rory's dad superpower.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Next Episode
Dadvengers #33 - Aaron Dale
Aaron Dale is an author and the social media content creator behind @raisingboys_2men. A single father raising his two sons, he has helped thousands of parents to think about putting their children first in co-parenting situations.
In this episode, Aaron talks about growing up surrounded by strong female role models, having an absent father, and how this experience showed him how not to be a dad!
Although he doesn’t live with his children full time, Aaron is a hands on dad to his two sons, who he co-parents with their mum’s. This has given him a wealth of experience that make this episode very insightful to parents from all backgrounds.
We also delve into mental health and how Aaron sought the support of a therapist, which he believes is something that can help many people parents or not.
A huge thanks to Aaron for joining us and sharing his experiences. 💙
Time Codes
3:44 – “He came to see me when I was 9... he said he was going to make more effort. I don’t think I saw him after that until I was 16." - Aaron on his relationship with his dad as a child.
6:12 – “Expecting him to come at 6 and he doesn’t show up until 10, that messed with me more than expecting him not be there at all." - Aaron tells us the impact of having an unreliable parent.
8:00 – “My mum got a partner... I’ve got a representation of a man living with me and he turned out to be abusive. A terrible example of a man.” - Aaron on experiencing more negative male role models throughout his childhood.
11:12 – “If a platform like mine was around when I was growing up, maybe one of the messages would have got through to my dad... that drives me to continue." - Why Aaron runs Raising Boys 2 Men.
12:13 – “I wasn’t shown to how to be a dad, but I knew how to not be a dad." - Aaron on becoming a parent, and how he coped with that change.
19:50 – “Co-parenting only means that the intimate relationship is no more. Your roles as parents have never changed." - What co-parenting means to Aaron.
23:24 – “Our love for the child needs to be stronger than the hate for the other parent."
26:13 – “It started as a virtual diary... I just want to share my story to help others. I am speaking my truth and it is the journey I have been through." - How Aaron started his platform and his ethos in running it,
30:30 – “I am the type of man that will go and go until I explode... so I found a therapist and it was the best thing I could have done." - Why Aaron sought therapy and why he recommends everyone do it.
35:26 – “There is so much noise... everyone has an opinion. Sometimes we have to mute it and think what is best for me"
37:21 – “As adults we have the cheat codes to life, that we can give to our kids to help them... it is so important that we give those codes to our children." - Aaron on how he is raising his children.
41:37 – "My son has me and his step-dad. I would never stop another man giving that love to my son and his mum." - Why step parents can be great additions to our children's lives.
50:10 – Aaron’s dad superpower.
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