Crack The Behavior Code

Once you reach your 40s, or possibly even earlier, you’re likely to have experienced a profound personal hardship, which you had to navigate through while keeping your job. Whether it’s the death of a loved one, a divorce, a life-threatening disease, a significant injury or something else, personal hardship takes its toll on us all at one point or another.

Here are some tips to care for yourself and others when these twists and turns of life occur:

• Check In with Yourself – The Emotion Wheel is a helpful tool to get you in touch with how you’re feeling. Give yourself the gift of being honest when others ask you how you are. When my father passed away and people asked how I was I’d say “really sad” or whatever was true. Then I’d notice people would either try to talk me into feeling better (Don’t do this! Let a person feel what they feel.), or they’d change the topic, or they’d meet me where I was with compassion and kindness. The latter always felt best. When you’re going through a hardship your job is to feel and process it, not to fake it to make others feel better. That approach will only suppress the grief and lengthen the healing process.
• Ask For Help – Yes, many of us have been taught that this is a sign of weakness (as is vulnerability), but it couldn’t be farther from the truth. People want to help. It feels good. And when they are asked for help, it lights up the reward center in their brain and is deeply fulfilling to them [I suggest you look into the work of Naomi Eisenberger of UCLA if this interests you.]. Asking for help is actually generous to others, as well as to yourself. Saying you can’t do something honors your Organismic Rights to Exist and to Have Needs. It took me a while to let myself reach out to others, and it amazed me how eager they were to help, and how deeply satisfying it was for them.
• Pad Your Schedule – When you’re in the middle of a personal crisis or profound hardship, you’re not fully present. You can’t be. Part of you is processing the trauma, grief, shock of the experience. And based on the degree of intensity, the part of you that’s temporarily “away” can be a huge part. When my stepson died it was a world-jarring shock—one day he was fine, then boom! The next morning he was gone. A large part of me was pre-occupied with deep grieving for many months. So I worked less, and set deadlines with 2-3x the wiggle room I normally allocated.
• Get Into Nature – There’s nothing like nature to be life-affirming, especially when we need to remember beauty, grace and the peace of stillness. Even a 30 minute quiet walk in the trees or a park can bring one peace. Ideally you’ll be surrounded by quiet and forest, yet do what you can.
• Meditate – Learning to cultivate internal peace and quiet provides you with a sanctuary you can always retreat to. Even a mere 5 minutes a day starts to train your mind that it’s not in charge—your higher self, which witnesses the constant barrage of your thoughts, is actually in charge.
• Watch Movies That Help You Feel – You may need to laugh and lighten up, you may need to cry and let it all out. An executive coaching client of mine once told me he didn’t cry, it just wasn’t something he did. Then a personal hardship occurred in his life and he needed to cry, he needed the release. But he wouldn’t let himself. Then the suppressed sorrow became anger. I urged him to watch one of a variety of movies that would help him cry. Finally he agreed to, and he cried for several hours. He finally let it all out. And he’s been a different, gentler, kinder, more connected person since.
• Honor The Process – Healing from a personal hardship will take different amounts of time for different people. Honor your and their process, without setting expectations and deadlines (hey! Aren’t you done grieving yet? = not cool!). The seasons take time, so does healing. Chill. Enjoy the process, let it unfold, gather the wisdom from it, as later you’ll look back on it as a transformative time.

The Net-Net

Sooner or later we all have to navigate our wor...

How to Stop Workplace Bullies in Their Tracks

The VP of Finance constantly interrupts and actively prevents others from speaking in meetings. He scoffs when they share ideas or make suggestions.

A Managing Director at a financial services firm publicly trashes another Director’s new strategy, tearing it apart, without having the domain expertise to truly understand what she is saying.

The lead software engineer makes snide remarks about the product development process during team meetings. He publicly denounces the marketing team too.

What do these three have in common? They’re bullies.

Bullies are scary, shocking, embarrassing and far too often tolerated in the workplace. Why? Because we don’t want to have to deal with them, we don’t want the attack, the conflict, the discomfort. So we either pretend they aren’t wreaking havoc, or we grit our teeth and tolerate them.

It’s time to stop.

How We Let Bullies Thrive

"Paul," the COO of a consumer-packaged goods company manages the VP of Finance bully I mentioned earlier. During coaching, Paul realized how he tolerates, and even allows, this unacceptable behavior.

Here’s how Paul is enabling the bully:

• He lets inappropriate conduct occur in meetings – when Paul could stop the bully from constantly interrupting and preventing others from speaking. Paul must clarify what appropriate meeting etiquette specifically is, and ensure it is honored.
• He acts as a go-between when the bully refuses to interact with people he thinks are “stupid”– when Paul could make it clear to both parties that they need to work things out together.
• He holds his anger in and compromises his integrity – when Paul could just deal with this issue directly, modeling leadership for his team and showing them a safe, respectful, collaborative work environment is required at the company.
• He lets others vent to him about the bully — instead of creating an opportunity to let disgruntled parties communicate their grievances directly and interface with HR.

We all avoid uncomfortable human relations issues sometimes... but what is the cost? Exorbitant--as we daily give our power away, compromise our integrity, and inadvertently teach our team that bullying is acceptable.

The Surprising Truth About What Bullies Want

I have talked before about how we all crave safety, belonging and mattering. Often one of these is exactly what the bully wants – he or she is just trying to get it in an ineffective and inappropriate way. Take a guess at what each of the following bullies wants:

• Person X puts others down, makes them feel small, condescends... because inside they don’t feel they ...what?
• Person Y spreads fear, rumors, negative gossip... because inside they don’t feel ...what?
• Person Z talks about inequality, unfairness, how others get special treatment because inside they feel they don’t ...what?

The answers are mattering, safety, and belonging. Once you uncover what a bully wants, you can start to give it to them, to begin reducing what Seth Godin calls the tantrum cycle. We can also then help shift the bully from tension to empowerment. More on this in a minute.

The Three-Step Bully Rehab Plan

There are three steps to stop bullying:

1. Identify how you are enabling it, like Paul, the COO in our example earlier.

2. End the enabling system

The bully is generally playing the persecutor role, which creates the need for a rescuer to protect the victim. Then the train has left the proverbial station and we’re zooming ahead on a ride to a place we don’t want to go. We want to shift from Problem-Focused to Outcome-Focused.

We want to quickly interrupt the pattern of persecutor-victim-rescuer and step out of the system by using an Outcome Frame. Ask the bully:

1. What would you like? (the outcome they desire that they can create and maintain)
2. What will having that do for you? (how they’ll feel and the benefits they’ll get)
3. How will you know when you have it? (proof or criteria that will be present)
4. Where, when, with whom do you want this? (timing, who else, scope)
5. What might of value you have to risk to get this? (is it ok for them to have this outcome?)
6. What are the next steps?

Ask the question “What will having that do f...

What is your life experience when the work day is complete? Are you spending time doing things that you love or are you too drained to do anything other than recoup before the next workday begins?

We spend a lot of time at work and the brain-based tools that I teach my executive coaching clients show them how to maximize their efforts, stand in their energetic weight and master executive presence. If you aren’t having fun when you aren’t at work, it may be time to reflect.

Life is a balancing act, and work will become less fulfilling if your downtime is void of ease, grace, joy, and fun.

These are the three actions that leaders can do each and every day that will put them on the path towards guaranteeing work-life balance.

Action 1: Move The Needle: Focus 70% + of your time on HVAs. There will always be a parade of bright shiny objects trying to distract you. Keep those beasts at bay by tracking your high-value activities (HVAs) and low-value activities (LVAs). Resolve to get to 70%+ of HVAs in the next 60 days. Effective delegation increases the amount of time that you will have to focus on the items that will move the needle. [see below for our HVA/LVA Tutorial -- and share it with your team!]

Action 2: Honor Your Boundaries: Are you honoring your personal life commitments? We all avoid uncomfortable human relations issues sometimes, but what is the cost? It’s exorbitant. As we give our power away and compromise our integrity, we inadvertently teach our brain that not honoring our personal life is acceptable. Set up a new system with healthy boundaries and behaviors that will anchor the fact that a commitment in your personal life is equally as important as a commitment at work. [See below for our energetic weight infographic--you can test your energetic weight with it!]

Action 3: Embrace Mindfulness Practices: Do you have a mindfulness practice? If not, it may be time to start incorporating at least one mindfulness practice into your daily routine. One of the biggest causes of stress is ruminating, or repeating a certain stressful thought. The brain sets off down an old thinking pattern and stays there. Mindfulness practices teach our brain to pop up out of that old pattern and recognize it for what it is: a default and well-worn groove that we have a choice to step out of. Mindfulness meditation re-grooves the brain and builds a new neurological network. Do it enough and, like the studies show, you can train your brain like a muscle to stay calm and present in the face of adversity or good old daily stresses of life. [See below for our Beyond Your Brain infographic -- this will help you determine the ROI on mindfulness/meditation]

Leaders learn how to manage their energy. They focus on the actions that only they can do to move the needle in their organization, they honor their boundaries and personal life commitments, and they know how to stop the world and stop their thoughts on command.

Try the three above actions and you’ll find your personal life will be as fun and fulfilling as your work life!

Resources mentioned:

• HVA/LVA Tutorial: https://www.dropbox.com/s/l8vf7300q09vhi9/HVA%20and%20LVA%20Tutorial.pdf?dl=0
• VAK Anchoring infographic: https://smarttribesinstitute.com/vak-anchoring/
• Energetic Weight infographic: https://smarttribesinstitute.com/energetic-weight/
• Beyond Your Brain infographic: https://smarttribesinstitute.com/beyond-your-brain-infographic/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we make hiring and recruiting mistakes? Or even role assignment/placement mistakes?

Often it’s because we’re rushed, we don’t have a process that has been proven to be successful, or we don’t have a clear profile of who we truly need in a specific role.

But also it’s because we don’t leverage neuroscience.

The Proven 3 Step Process To Get The Right Person In The Right Role Every Time

So how do you get the right person in the right role? It’s actually easier than you think. It requires a proven process, and that you don’t cut corners.

Credit: Getty

1. Figure out where you are on the Inflection Point chart. See the chart below so you know the main people, money, model challenges, and opportunities your organization is in the midst of—and are around the corner. Look 1-2 years out and sketch out the org chart you’ll need. Some of our coaching clients prefer a 1 year and 3-year org chart. We help them develop the plan for the immediate hires (so they can achieve the 1-year org chart with everyone at solid performance), then we help them create the organizational infrastructure to support their next inflection point of growth.

2. Once you have clarified the roles you need, dive into who the right person truly is. For this you’ll need:

a. The leadership level appropriate for the role (how much ownership do you want them to take?) What makes sense for this role? Check here:

b. An impact description to ensure we know exactly what a great fit will be and what they’ll own. Here’s an example.

c. If the role is senior, map out their decision space (what exactly will they have decision authority over). Here are some examples.

All of the above will cause emotional engagement in the candidate’s brain: oxytocin (yes! These are my people! I’ve found them), serotonin (wow, does it feel good to know I’ve found my tribe), dopamine (I can’t wait to see what we create together!).

3. Make sure that your recruiting process is working. The following makes all the difference (and see the proof below):

a. Post the Impact Description I mentioned above – you’ll get fewer candidates, but they’ll be the right fit.

“From May 9 through July 8 we ran an ad online. We had 14 applicants, two people were interviewed, and zero people were hired.

Then we used STI‘s Impact Description format. Within *one week* we had 25 applicants, nine interviews, and seven very solid candidates. STI’s Impact Description format made all the difference!”

~ Justin Rodriguez

Talent Acquisition Manager, Principle Auto

b. Screen for Value Alignment digitally – if they aren’t aligned with your values, they won’t fit in with your culture. You can simply set up an auto-reply with 3-5 values questions and direct candidates to send the answers to a 2nd email address. When you read their answers to the values questions, you’ll know who’s aligned with you and who isn’t.

“We integrated your strategy for recruiting for value alignment and high accountability into our process. It worked out very well.

We had 70 applicants for the position. Each applicant received an email from us and requested that they answer some values questions. 25 out of 70 responded! 7 were contacted and brought in for interviews. 2 were brought back for more than 2 interviews and we just selected the candidate today.

I think this approach took 30 or more days off the process plus we calculate that the process saved us 60 team member-hours per candidate.

The process also gives you more insight into the individual and you feel you know them a lot better which takes the risk-off.”

~Steve Ostanek

President, Neundorfer, Inc.

c. Screen for safety, belonging, mattering, and meta programs. You’ll learn more by following the links I just mentioned, and here’s a quick summary:

To discover ...