12 Stress-Busters Happy Healthy People Know

05/21/20 • 7 min

Email. Texting. Voicemail. We’re constantly connecting with others, so why do so many people feel so disconnected–which is a key factor in excessive stress?

According to Dr. Edward Hallowell, an expert on anxiety and stress, there are twelve ways in which people need to connect in order to have full, rich, healthy, long lives. I had no idea how much more connected I could feel until I read his outstanding book, Connect: 12 Vital Ties That Open Your Heart, Lengthen Your Life, and Deepen Your Soul. I learned more about connecting in that book than I have from any shrink or at any seminar.

Here’s his list of 12 Stress-Busters of where we should all be connecting. Ask yourself these questions:

1. Family of Origin:

Do I have strong bonds and clear communication with my parents, siblings, relatives? Do I connect with them regularly?

What are some ways I might increase connection?

2. Immediate Family:

Do I treat them with love and respect?

Are we emotionally close?

What are some ways I might increase connection?

3. Friends and Community:

Do I see friends and neighbors on a regular basis?

Do I share my life with them frequently?

Do I make time to enjoy their company?

Am I involved in community groups and projects?

Do I identify with and support the community I live in?

What are some ways I might increase connection?

4. Work:

Do I have emotional equity and a sense of mission at work?

Do I share a connection with my co-workers and company?

What are some ways I might increase connection?

5. Beauty:

Do I enjoy beauty regularly, do I appreciate it and pay attention to it and savor it?

Do I take time to enjoy a favorite art form?

What are some ways I might increase connection?

6. History:

Do I feel part of the history of humankind?

Do I learn about it, feel the power of it, and cherish the history of my country, town, culture?

What are some ways I might increase connection?

7. Nature:

Do I connect with nature on a weekly basis?

Do I spend time outdoors or indoors caring for plants or appreciating nature?

Do I have special places that are healing to me?

What are some ways I might increase connection?

8. Pets/Animals:

Do I enjoy playing with and having a relationship with a pet?

Do I value animals and enjoy seeing them, listening to them, interacting with them?

What are some ways I might increase connection?

9. Ideas and Information:

Do I learn new things often?

Am I interested in new ideas and perspectives?

Am I getting the most out of my brain power?

What are some ways I might increase connection?

10. Organizations and Institutions:

Am I a member of any organizations?

Do I contribute to their growth and welfare?

What are some ways I might increase connection?

11. Greater Truth/Spirituality:

Do I have a spiritual practice?

Do I make time to read spiritual, uplifting books or listen to CDs or podcasts?

Do I continue to seek meaning and truth in whatever way resonates with me?

What are some ways I might increase connection?

12. Myself:

Do I meditate, have quiet time alone, know what matters most to me and live according to it?

Am I comfortable being who I am?

What are some ways I might increase connection?

Years after reading Ned’s book I’ve maintained these connections, to varying degrees, in all 12 areas. And my life is richer and more fulfilling than it has ever been. Email? Texting? Voicemail? Helpful, yes. And now I use them to better connect with others.

How connected are you? How connected would you like to be?

Additional resources:

Connect More Deeply With Others infographic: https://smarttribesinstitute.com/connection-infographic/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Email. Texting. Voicemail. We’re constantly connecting with others, so why do so many people feel so disconnected–which is a key factor in excessive stress?

Here’s his list of 12 Stress-Busters of where we should all be connecting. Ask yourself these questions:

1. Family of Origin:

Do I have strong bonds and clear communication with my parents, siblings, relatives? Do I connect with them regularly?

What are some ways I might increase connection?

2. Immediate Family:

Do I treat them with love and respect?

Are we emotionally close?

What are some ways I might increase connection?

3. Friends and Community:

Do I see friends and neighbors on a regular basis?

Do I share my life with them frequently?

Do I make time to enjoy their company?

Am I involved in community groups and projects?

Do I identify with and support the community I live in?

What are some ways I might increase connection?

4. Work:

Do I have emotional equity and a sense of mission at work?

Do I share a connection with my co-workers and company?

What are some ways I might increase connection?

5. Beauty:

Do I enjoy beauty regularly, do I appreciate it and pay attention to it and savor it?

Do I take time to enjoy a favorite art form?

What are some ways I might increase connection?

6. History:

Do I feel part of the history of humankind?

Do I learn about it, feel the power of it, and cherish the history of my country, town, culture?

What are some ways I might increase connection?

7. Nature:

Do I connect with nature on a weekly basis?

Do I spend time outdoors or indoors caring for plants or appreciating nature?

Do I have special places that are healing to me?

What are some ways I might increase connection?

8. Pets/Animals:

Do I enjoy playing with and having a relationship with a pet?

Do I value animals and enjoy seeing them, listening to them, interacting with them?

What are some ways I might increase connection?

9. Ideas and Information:

Do I learn new things often?

Am I interested in new ideas and perspectives?

Am I getting the most out of my brain power?

What are some ways I might increase connection?

10. Organizations and Institutions:

Am I a member of any organizations?

Do I contribute to their growth and welfare?

What are some ways I might increase connection?

11. Greater Truth/Spirituality:

Do I have a spiritual practice?

Do I make time to read spiritual, uplifting books or listen to CDs or podcasts?

Do I continue to seek meaning and truth in whatever way resonates with me?

What are some ways I might increase connection?

12. Myself:

Do I meditate, have quiet time alone, know what matters most to me and live according to it?

Am I comfortable being who I am?

What are some ways I might increase connection?

How connected are you? How connected would you like to be?

Additional resources:

Connect More Deeply With Others infographic: https://smarttribesinstitute.com/connection-infographic/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Previous Episode

Guarantee Work-Life Balance With These 3 Daily Actions

What is your life experience when the work day is complete? Are you spending time doing things that you love or are you too drained to do anything other than recoup before the next workday begins?

We spend a lot of time at work and the brain-based tools that I teach my executive coaching clients show them how to maximize their efforts, stand in their energetic weight and master executive presence. If you aren’t having fun when you aren’t at work, it may be time to reflect.

Life is a balancing act, and work will become less fulfilling if your downtime is void of ease, grace, joy, and fun.

These are the three actions that leaders can do each and every day that will put them on the path towards guaranteeing work-life balance.

Action 1: Move The Needle: Focus 70% + of your time on HVAs. There will always be a parade of bright shiny objects trying to distract you. Keep those beasts at bay by tracking your high-value activities (HVAs) and low-value activities (LVAs). Resolve to get to 70%+ of HVAs in the next 60 days. Effective delegation increases the amount of time that you will have to focus on the items that will move the needle. [see below for our HVA/LVA Tutorial -- and share it with your team!]

Action 2: Honor Your Boundaries: Are you honoring your personal life commitments? We all avoid uncomfortable human relations issues sometimes, but what is the cost? It’s exorbitant. As we give our power away and compromise our integrity, we inadvertently teach our brain that not honoring our personal life is acceptable. Set up a new system with healthy boundaries and behaviors that will anchor the fact that a commitment in your personal life is equally as important as a commitment at work. [See below for our energetic weight infographic--you can test your energetic weight with it!]

Action 3: Embrace Mindfulness Practices: Do you have a mindfulness practice? If not, it may be time to start incorporating at least one mindfulness practice into your daily routine. One of the biggest causes of stress is ruminating, or repeating a certain stressful thought. The brain sets off down an old thinking pattern and stays there. Mindfulness practices teach our brain to pop up out of that old pattern and recognize it for what it is: a default and well-worn groove that we have a choice to step out of. Mindfulness meditation re-grooves the brain and builds a new neurological network. Do it enough and, like the studies show, you can train your brain like a muscle to stay calm and present in the face of adversity or good old daily stresses of life. [See below for our Beyond Your Brain infographic -- this will help you determine the ROI on mindfulness/meditation]

Leaders learn how to manage their energy. They focus on the actions that only they can do to move the needle in their organization, they honor their boundaries and personal life commitments, and they know how to stop the world and stop their thoughts on command.

Try the three above actions and you’ll find your personal life will be as fun and fulfilling as your work life!

Resources mentioned:

HVA/LVA Tutorial: https://www.dropbox.com/s/l8vf7300q09vhi9/HVA%20and%20LVA%20Tutorial.pdf?dl=0
VAK Anchoring infographic: https://smarttribesinstitute.com/vak-anchoring/
Energetic Weight infographic: https://smarttribesinstitute.com/energetic-weight/
Beyond Your Brain infographic: https://smarttribesinstitute.com/beyond-your-brain-infographic/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Next Episode

What Stress, Change And Isolation Do To Your Brain

Let’s dive into the neuroscience of stress. Your brain releases stress hormones, like cortisol, which then fire up excessive cell-signaling cytokines which alter your physiology. Suddenly your ability to regulate your behavior and emotions is compromised. Your ability to pay attention is compromised, your memory, learning, peace, happiness are all compromised.

Why? Because all that change has caused your system to be overloaded with stress. And excessive stress often causes us to withdraw in order to self-soothe, to try to cope, to try to slow things down and remove further stimulus since we’re already overloaded.

But then we get new stress: the stress of disconnection.

Disconnection possibly from yourself, from others, your purpose, your place in the grand scheme of things, and even your relationship with nature. Today we see increasing chaos, distrust, aggressiveness, and many other behavioral challenges in our world due to disconnection caused by excessive stress.

And in stressful times, more than peaceful ones, we ache to be seen, heard, acknowledged in the midst of all this isolation. We ache to belong. In my leadership and culture coaching work I am seeing tremendous amounts of isolation caused by the stress of change.

What’s Happening Inside When Stress Is Happening Outside

Dopamine is the neurotransmitter that is fired when we anticipate reward or receive an unexpected reward, pleasure, or praise. But dopamine in excess is a problem. It inhibits our prefrontal cortex (PFC), which affects our ability to make good decisions, focus, solve problems, regulate our emotions and behavior and much more.

We get excess amounts of dopamine from constantly checking email, text and other alerts—and in fear and change scenarios we will often constantly check to see if we’re safe. When the PFC is inhibited we see greater irrational risk taking, obesity, aggression, addiction, schizophrenia because increased sensory stimulation and decreased cognitive stimulation (in the PFC) has occurred. It’s a big deal.

FOMO (fear of missing out) is not necessarily a bad thing. Yes, it causes us often to have that addictive response to constantly check our messages, our emails, social media, etc. However, what’s beneath it is the desire to connect. It’s the desire for warmth. It’s the desire to be seen, to be safe, to belong, and to matter. We’re actually craving oxytocin, the bonding hormone, to help us know we’re not alone.

3 Ways To Cure Stress-Based Isolation

Come Together. Humans are tribal. Being together with other humans is how we have survived for centuries. And yet, technology, in an attempt to bring us together has actually brought us apart. We all want to be in the ‘in-crowd’ and not in the ‘out-crowd’. Yet we are seeing more and more separation. This makes change even harder, because when times are uncertain we need one another more than ever. Here’s a tool to connect with yourself and others more effectively. We help our clients launch a number of cultural programs to bring people together.
Practice Compassion. When we encounter people who are angry, there is no point in judging someone who can’t reach out to others. Better to reach out and give them as much as an experience of *same as* as possible to help them re-establish their ability to connect, to bring them safety belonging and mattering, and to give them a positive experience of connection. Which just might help them choose to learn to reconnect to themselves and others throughout their life.
Manage Your Energy During Change and Stress. And where does your energy go in times of change? Check out this cool image. Do you see why how the