215: Less is More Quick Copy Tip with 2 Copy Editing Examples
07/13/21 • 4 min
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Hello copy poppers! Long time no talk...but we are back today with a quick writing tip for you inspired by two often-heard quotes:
- French philosopher and mathematician Blaise Pascal famously wrote: I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time
- Mark Twain once said, “I didn't have time to write you a short letter, so I wrote you a long one.”
When I first heard these sayings, I thought they were wrong. In school, the hardest assignments seemed to be the long term papers 15 or more pages long.
But as a former teacher, professional copywriter, ghostwriter, and all around writing nerd for internet copy, I’ve come to learn they are profoundly true.
I admittedly have the habit of ‘over communicating in writing.’ I tend to add too many details in emails -- and try to keep in mind that if something can be said with fewer words, it should be.
Let me give some concrete examples for you...
COPY EDITING EXAMPLES
- Bio Say you are writing about yourself for an author bio, for an about page on your website, or for an email in a marketing campaign so that new subscribers can get to know you.
You may write something like this:
“I did my undergraduate studies at UCLA and majored in Psychology, earning a bachelor’s degree with a minor in German in 2003.”
(true story for yours truly!)
This is a perfectly good sentence with 22 words.
But can we tighten it up without losing any meaning or important information?
How about...
“I graduated in 2003 from UCLA with a degree in Psychology and a minor in German.”
That’s shorter! With 16 words now. We shaved off 6 words...or 27%. Not bad and no meaning was lost.
- Business Description
Say you are writing up some information about your company for your website or short social media bio.
You could write something like this:
“At XYZ Media Company, we know the importance of leveraging social media to grow your business in this increasingly online and global economy. This is the reason why we love helping businesses create and execute strategies that help them grow their businesses through attracting new leads, converting sales, and building brand loyalty.”
This is a lovely description from a company who gets it!
But at about 52 words, it looks like a big paragraph that most people may say ‘ain’t nobody got time for that’ and skip over reading it.
How about...
“Leveraging social media is essential to grow your business. We help you create and execute strategies to grow by attracting new leads, converting more sales, and building brand loyalty.”
This version is 29 words, so 44% shorter. Plus, we changed 3rd person words like “their” and “them” to 1st person words like “you” and “your.”
I also cut out things like “At XYZ Media Company” under the assumption that if someone is reading it on your website, they know what you are called -- you don’t have to restate it. And also “in this increasingly online and global economy” because if your audience doesn’t already know this is happening, I’d be shocked.
- Example 3
Send me a piece of copy you’d like cleaned up to be shorter and more punchy. I may feature a quick edit of yours in a future episode!
---
Hope these copy editing examples helped inspire you to look for words you could cut to improve your writing online.
It takes more time to trim the fat, but it’s worth it!Until the next episode, keep finding ways to write copy that pops!
xo Laura
PS: To access full show notes, please click here: Podcast Shownotes for "Less is More Quick Copy Tip".
Hello copy poppers! Long time no talk...but we are back today with a quick writing tip for you inspired by two often-heard quotes:
- French philosopher and mathematician Blaise Pascal famously wrote: I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time
- Mark Twain once said, “I didn't have time to write you a short letter, so I wrote you a long one.”
When I first heard these sayings, I thought they were wrong. In school, the hardest assignments seemed to be the long term papers 15 or more pages long.
But as a former teacher, professional copywriter, ghostwriter, and all around writing nerd for internet copy, I’ve come to learn they are profoundly true.
I admittedly have the habit of ‘over communicating in writing.’ I tend to add too many details in emails -- and try to keep in mind that if something can be said with fewer words, it should be.
Let me give some concrete examples for you...
COPY EDITING EXAMPLES
- Bio Say you are writing about yourself for an author bio, for an about page on your website, or for an email in a marketing campaign so that new subscribers can get to know you.
You may write something like this:
“I did my undergraduate studies at UCLA and majored in Psychology, earning a bachelor’s degree with a minor in German in 2003.”
(true story for yours truly!)
This is a perfectly good sentence with 22 words.
But can we tighten it up without losing any meaning or important information?
How about...
“I graduated in 2003 from UCLA with a degree in Psychology and a minor in German.”
That’s shorter! With 16 words now. We shaved off 6 words...or 27%. Not bad and no meaning was lost.
- Business Description
Say you are writing up some information about your company for your website or short social media bio.
You could write something like this:
“At XYZ Media Company, we know the importance of leveraging social media to grow your business in this increasingly online and global economy. This is the reason why we love helping businesses create and execute strategies that help them grow their businesses through attracting new leads, converting sales, and building brand loyalty.”
This is a lovely description from a company who gets it!
But at about 52 words, it looks like a big paragraph that most people may say ‘ain’t nobody got time for that’ and skip over reading it.
How about...
“Leveraging social media is essential to grow your business. We help you create and execute strategies to grow by attracting new leads, converting more sales, and building brand loyalty.”
This version is 29 words, so 44% shorter. Plus, we changed 3rd person words like “their” and “them” to 1st person words like “you” and “your.”
I also cut out things like “At XYZ Media Company” under the assumption that if someone is reading it on your website, they know what you are called -- you don’t have to restate it. And also “in this increasingly online and global economy” because if your audience doesn’t already know this is happening, I’d be shocked.
- Example 3
Send me a piece of copy you’d like cleaned up to be shorter and more punchy. I may feature a quick edit of yours in a future episode!
---
Hope these copy editing examples helped inspire you to look for words you could cut to improve your writing online.
It takes more time to trim the fat, but it’s worth it!Until the next episode, keep finding ways to write copy that pops!
xo Laura
PS: To access full show notes, please click here: Podcast Shownotes for "Less is More Quick Copy Tip".
Previous Episode
214: Narrative Arc Framework to Help You Write Better Stories
Researching for ways to improve my writing, I came across a "Masterclass" on the Narrative Story Arc. In this episode, I share an overview of what the Masterclass goes over with the hopes of inspiring you to apply it to your writing for...
...books ...emails ...social media posts ..."about me" pages even!
The human brain is drawn into stories. But sometimes it's hard to know how to 'craft' them. Follow this breakdown written below and shared in audio in this podcast episode. Even though it is for fiction, we can learn a lot from it and apply it to our nonfiction writing as well.
Can't wait to hear what stories you cook up!
Source for this episode and to learn even more on the topic: https://www.masterclass.com/articles/what-are-the-elements-of-a-narrative-arc-and-how-do-you-create-one-in-writing#what-is-the-difference-between-a-narrative-arc-and-a-character-arc
See more on the Narrative Arc Framework to Help You Write Better Stories at: CopyThatPops.com/214
Take Action Now on Your Bestselling Book!
Next Episode
216: How to Sell 1 Million Books in 24 Hours [A Gary Vee and NFT Case Study]
On August 27th, 2021 at 5pm EST (that’s 1pm my time in Cali), Gary Vaynerchuk went live on YouTube and Instagram (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlcsdCsBR3U) to announce a 24-hour only opportunity to his millions of fans and followers...involving NFTs in exchange for book purchases.
By the following day, his new book Twelve and a Half: Leveraging the Emotional Ingredients Necessary for Business Success was the #1 bestselling book across all of Amazon around the world (while on presale). It sold so many that Barnes & Noble broke for a lot of us trying to buy.
As I record this in mid-September, the book is no longer #1 in all of Amazon, that’s how the rankings work -- they change almost hourly -- but there is a lot we authors can learn from what Gary did to write and promote his book.
But let me backup and define a few things for you...
Who is Gary Vee?
Gary Vaynerchuk is a Belarusian-American entrepreneur, author, speaker, and Internet personality. He is a co-founder of the restaurant reservation software company Resy and Empathy Wines. First known as a wine critic who expanded his family's wine business, Vaynerchuk is now more known for his work in digital marketing and social media as the chairman of New York-based communications company VaynerX, and as CEO of VaynerX subsidiary VaynerMedia.
NFT: Non-fungible token
You may have heard this term floated around a lot lately. It’s all the rage in the cryptosphere. Skeptics call it “buying jpegs. My in-laws call it a ponzi scheme.
But what it really is is a digital collectible tied to a smart contract that cannot be destroyed.
Who created it?Who bought it first (called minting)?Who sold it and when?What price did the 3rd owner pay?
All this and more is recorded on the blockchain, which is a digital ledger of transactions recorded on multiple computers around the world so that no one person or entity can alter the records.
Oh, and non-fungible is just a confusing way of saying unique. If you trade 1 US dollar for another 1 US dollar, you have not changed anything. Dollars are fungible. If you trade 1 cryptopunk for 1 curiocard, you have very much changed things. These are non-fungible...they are unique.
It’s all a big deal. It’s the wave of the future, if you ask me.
If this is your first time hearing about it, I really think you should put in some hours to research and learn more.
It will (and already is) affecting everything we do in life. Don’t be an old fuddy duddy and say it’s all just a silly trend kids these days are into. It’s not.
NFT examples
To help, for this convo, to make what an NFT is more clear, let’s look at a few examples.
Are pieces of digital art of apes with different facial expressions, backgrounds, and accessories. The cheapest one as I record this is 33.5 ETH, or about $117,000.
There is no utility -- or ability to use the token -- that I am aware of. However, owners of BAYC tokens get ‘airdropped’ (aka rewarded with) additional tokens that also have value because they are in demand by the market.
The leading conference on the topic of NFTs is held each year in New York City, and, as we would expect, the ticket to get in is an NFT. Using NFTs as tickets into an event in real life is an easy example to wrap our heads around potential ‘utility’ of a token.
Mark Cuban, owner of the Dallas Mavericks, recently said on a podcast interview that tickets to all games would soon be tokenized.
Gary Vee jumped into the NFT space in May as well. His project is called VeeFriends and it comes with access to his new VeeCon conference in 2022, 2023, and 2024, which gives it real utility. Some tokens also have direct access to him in groups or in one-on-one sessions like courtside Nick's games.
But where the big promise from Gary lies is in the I.P. of the characters. He plans to turn the drawings for the tokens into the next “disney.”Imagine if you owned the original drawing of Mickey Mouse...think that would be worth something today?
-------
So, back to our story about Gary selling over 1 million books in 24 hours.
Starting in early 2021, Gary told his followers to buy up ETH when it was about $1400 to $1800. Then, for months before launch, Gary educated his audience on NFTs, the blockchain, what wallets like MetaMask were and how to set them up to be ready to buy NFTs, and more.
Then...
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