Forgiveness vs. Healing: Overcoming Trauma with Courageous Fire
02/13/25 • 34 min
In this episode of Coffee Can’t Fix Everything, I sit down with Courageous Fire, a survivor, advocate, and author of The Other Child. We unpack the complicated relationship between forgiveness and healing—why they aren’t always the same and why choosing self-compassion over forced forgiveness can be the key to true healing.
Courageous shares her journey of surviving domestic violence, breaking free from toxic relationships, and redefining what healing looks like on her terms. We discuss how childhood trauma impacts our ability to forgive, the importance of self-forgiveness, and the first steps to reclaiming our power.
If you've ever felt pressured to "just forgive and move on," this episode challenges that mindset and offers a fresh, empowering perspective. Tune in to hear Courageous Fire’s insights and learn how to shift the focus from forgiveness to healing.
Episode Highlights:
🔹 [00:00] – Welcome to Coffee Can’t Fix Everything + Introducing Courageous Fire
🔹 [00:28] – The meaning behind Courageous Fire’s name and her journey
🔹 [00:52] – Forgiveness vs. Healing: Why they aren’t the same
🔹 [02:08] – The pressure to forgive in religious and societal settings
🔹 [03:20] – How forced forgiveness can lead to further trauma
🔹 [06:01] – Courageous Fire’s story: Surviving domestic violence
🔹 [07:45] – Self-forgiveness: The first step to healing
🔹 [08:33] – Why survivors blame themselves and how to shift the perspective
🔹 [12:09] – The power of reclaiming your identity after trauma
🔹 [16:31] – The “Mufasa Moment” – Recognizing your inner strength
🔹 [19:12] – When is the right time to forgive?
🔹 [22:06] – How to reframe self-worth to embrace healing
🔹 [25:09] – The Other Child: How labels can help identify and process trauma
🔹 [30:45] – First steps for people ready to start their healing journey
🔹 [32:22] – Where to find Courageous Fire’s book and final words of encouragement
Key Takeaways:
✅ Forgiveness is often pressured but isn’t always necessary for healing.
✅ Self-forgiveness is crucial in overcoming trauma.
✅ Trauma survivors often blame themselves for what was done to them.
✅ Healing begins when you recognize your worth and reclaim your power.
✅ True healing happens on your own timeline—not when others expect it.
📩 Enjoyed this episode? Leave a review and share it with a friend!
Resources & Links:
📖 Get Courageous Fire’s book This Is for the Other Child
National Mental Health Resources (U.S.)
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) – Free mental health support and education.
https://www.nami.org
MentalHealth.gov – Government resource for mental health education and support.
https://www.mentalhealth.gov
Crisis Text Line – Free 24/7 support via text. Text HELLO to 741741
https://www.crisistextline.org
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline – Free 24/7 support for those in crisis or distress. Call 988
https://988lifeline.org
The Trevor Project – Mental health and crisis support for LGBTQ+ youth. Call 1-866-488-7386 or text START to 678678
https://www.thetrevorproject.org
RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) – Support for survivors of sexual violence. Call 800-656-HOPE (4673)
https://www.rainn.org
SAMHSA National Helpline – Free and confidential treatment referral and support. Call 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline
Black Mental Health & Trauma Resources
Therapy for Black Girls – Mental health support for Black women & girl...
In this episode of Coffee Can’t Fix Everything, I sit down with Courageous Fire, a survivor, advocate, and author of The Other Child. We unpack the complicated relationship between forgiveness and healing—why they aren’t always the same and why choosing self-compassion over forced forgiveness can be the key to true healing.
Courageous shares her journey of surviving domestic violence, breaking free from toxic relationships, and redefining what healing looks like on her terms. We discuss how childhood trauma impacts our ability to forgive, the importance of self-forgiveness, and the first steps to reclaiming our power.
If you've ever felt pressured to "just forgive and move on," this episode challenges that mindset and offers a fresh, empowering perspective. Tune in to hear Courageous Fire’s insights and learn how to shift the focus from forgiveness to healing.
Episode Highlights:
🔹 [00:00] – Welcome to Coffee Can’t Fix Everything + Introducing Courageous Fire
🔹 [00:28] – The meaning behind Courageous Fire’s name and her journey
🔹 [00:52] – Forgiveness vs. Healing: Why they aren’t the same
🔹 [02:08] – The pressure to forgive in religious and societal settings
🔹 [03:20] – How forced forgiveness can lead to further trauma
🔹 [06:01] – Courageous Fire’s story: Surviving domestic violence
🔹 [07:45] – Self-forgiveness: The first step to healing
🔹 [08:33] – Why survivors blame themselves and how to shift the perspective
🔹 [12:09] – The power of reclaiming your identity after trauma
🔹 [16:31] – The “Mufasa Moment” – Recognizing your inner strength
🔹 [19:12] – When is the right time to forgive?
🔹 [22:06] – How to reframe self-worth to embrace healing
🔹 [25:09] – The Other Child: How labels can help identify and process trauma
🔹 [30:45] – First steps for people ready to start their healing journey
🔹 [32:22] – Where to find Courageous Fire’s book and final words of encouragement
Key Takeaways:
✅ Forgiveness is often pressured but isn’t always necessary for healing.
✅ Self-forgiveness is crucial in overcoming trauma.
✅ Trauma survivors often blame themselves for what was done to them.
✅ Healing begins when you recognize your worth and reclaim your power.
✅ True healing happens on your own timeline—not when others expect it.
📩 Enjoyed this episode? Leave a review and share it with a friend!
Resources & Links:
📖 Get Courageous Fire’s book This Is for the Other Child
National Mental Health Resources (U.S.)
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) – Free mental health support and education.
https://www.nami.org
MentalHealth.gov – Government resource for mental health education and support.
https://www.mentalhealth.gov
Crisis Text Line – Free 24/7 support via text. Text HELLO to 741741
https://www.crisistextline.org
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline – Free 24/7 support for those in crisis or distress. Call 988
https://988lifeline.org
The Trevor Project – Mental health and crisis support for LGBTQ+ youth. Call 1-866-488-7386 or text START to 678678
https://www.thetrevorproject.org
RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) – Support for survivors of sexual violence. Call 800-656-HOPE (4673)
https://www.rainn.org
SAMHSA National Helpline – Free and confidential treatment referral and support. Call 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline
Black Mental Health & Trauma Resources
Therapy for Black Girls – Mental health support for Black women & girl...
Previous Episode
Asking for help isn’t failure—it’s survival.
In this heartfelt episode of Coffee Can't Fix Everything, we sit down with Max to have an open conversation about mental health, the challenges of asking for help, and the barriers many face in seeking therapy. From breaking the stigma around mental health in the LGBTQ+ and Black communities to discussing communal burnout, Max shares their insights as a mental health advocate, executive director, and gender doula. We explore why seeking help can feel so difficult, the impact of inclusive mental health care, and how community support plays a vital role in healing. This episode is a must-listen for anyone navigating their mental health journey or supporting others through theirs.
Show Notes:
0:00 - Introduction to Season 2 and welcoming Max to the show
1:27 - The host’s personal journey to therapy and confronting the fear of asking for help
3:17 - Max’s experience with therapy and its transformative impact
5:18 - LGBTQ+ mental health advocacy and addressing barriers to care
7:40 - Cultural challenges in accessing mental health support in marginalized communities
10:28 - What authentic allyship looks like in action
15:21 - The power of pronouns and small gestures in creating safe spaces
18:23 - The stark difference in mental health resources between urban and rural areas
20:45 - How leaders and advocates can balance busy lives with seeking help
26:33 - Unlearning toxic masculinity and embracing vulnerability as a strength
28:13 - Building community support to normalize mental health care
32:53 - Max’s advice to those hesitant to ask for help
Mental Health Resources:
- National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): www.nami.org
- Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 for free, 24/7 crisis support
- Therapy for Black Men: www.therapyforblackmen.org
- The Trevor Project (LGBTQ+ Youth): www.thetrevorproject.org
- One Iowa (LGBTQ+ Resources): www.oneiowa.org
- Psychology Today’s Therapist Finder: www.psychologytoday.com
Remember, you are not alone, and help is available. Let’s break the stigma one conversation at a time.
Next Episode
Leading Through Life: Navigating Disappointment, Balance, and Growth
In this episode of Coffee Can’t Fix Everything, we sit down for a raw and insightful conversation on the realities of leadership, parenting, and personal growth. We dive into the mental health challenges that come with leading in both professional and personal spaces, the impact of burnout, and how to develop emotional resilience in the face of setbacks. Our guest shares their journey through leadership challenges, self-doubt, and the lessons they've learned about balancing work, faith, and family. Whether you're a nonprofit leader, entrepreneur, working parent, or someone striving for personal and professional growth, this conversation will leave you with valuable insights on staying grounded, navigating rejection, and leading with authenticity.
Show Notes:
00:00 - Welcome to Coffee Can’t Fix Everything an introduction to today’s guest
02:20 - The realities of leadership: balancing passion with the unexpected challenges
07:03 - Burnout and work stress: why setting boundaries is key to long-term success
10:37 - Dealing with disappointment and navigating rejection as a leader
15:43 - Parenting and leadership: lessons from raising kids while leading a career
20:28 - The power of faith and mental health in staying resilient through tough times
24:33 - The importance of self-reflection and how to develop a growth mindset
28:05 - Emotional intelligence and staying in control of your emotions in high-pressure moments
32:00 - The power of mentorship, community leadership, and giving back
37:09 - The reality of nonprofit management and work-life balance
40:27 - Final thoughts: How to stay anchored in your values and keep moving forward
Tune in for this real, unfiltered conversation about leadership, mental health, and the everyday struggles that come with trying to make an impact. If you enjoy the episode, don’t forget to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs to hear it!
Support the Podcast & Stay Connected:
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