
3: Surviving Loss & Embracing Leadership with Abby Rike Rockenbaugh
07/24/18 • 52 min
1 Listener
What happens when you end up in leadership roles after devastating circumstances? How do you navigate the tension between building a business and being faithful to God’s calling?
In this episode, I interview Abby Rike Rockenbaugh and discuss how she learned how to embrace unexpected leadership after loss. You’ll hear some powerful reminders about the importance of sharing your story.
The Reluctant LeaderAbby’s leadership journey started when she was young. She was referred to as “bossy”, but learned to tone down those skills because she wanted to have friends.
Abby was often chosen as the leader within group projects growing up, but she truly realized she was a leader when she was in college. She shares about an experience when she was in a group project where she was not the designated leader.
After the project was over, Abby’s professor shared with her that the other members of her group all indicated that they felt that she was actually the leader. Her professor then called out her gift of leadership, which was a turning point for Abby.
Instead of viewing herself as bossy and annoying, she was able to embrace that being a leader was a good thing.
Abby’s Defining Moment & The Importance of Your StoryAbby shares about her defining moment that changed her life forever. She explains that during her grief, leadership was not even something on her radar. She was simply surviving. She had to wrestle with whether God was who she had always thought him to be.
After walking through that experience, she felt that now leadership was not just about her natural giftings, but rather about a calling. She now had a responsibility to share her story and point people to Jesus.
Abby believes that everyone has a story, and that it’s important for people to know how to share their story.
She and I chat about when she recognized that it was time to share her story, and how some of these opportunities turned out to be completely unexpected.
Abby ended up being chosen to be a contestant on The Biggest Loser. After this, God opened more doors for public speaking and other platforms to share her story. We discuss how many times God just asks us to take the next right step.
I ask Abby how she manages the tension of growing a business vs. following God’s calling on her life. Her best advice is that if something doesn’t rest well within your soul, don’t do it.
With leadership, you have to be willing to swim against the current.
Embracing Your Gifts & Your IdentityAbby shares that she has found the spiritual gift test to be extremely helpful to her as a a leader. She believes that it’s important for us to claim the gifts God has given us. As a reluctant leader, stepping into her gifts and owning them has been the best thing she could do to become a more effective leader.
I ask Abby what she has done to embrace how God has wired her. She says that she believes that if she does not accept her identity, then she is calling God a liar. She goes to the source of truth, God’s word, to determine who she really is.
We discuss the source of confidence, false humility, and the tension between accepting your gifts and becoming prideful in them.
We chat about the importance of having mentors and people who will help you to stay accountable. It’s important to find people who get you, but who will also tell you the truth. You also need people who can be there for you when you are really having a difficult time.
Abby’s PassionsAbby is passionate about equipping women to be in the word of God. This stems out of her own experience of being a prodigal for many years, and being wooed back to God by His word. She became a Christian as a young child, but she wasn’t truly discipled.
Her passion now is to help women understand the character of God. She wants women to experience the transformation of their heart and life.
Abby’s ministry, RockThis, was born out of this passion.
We also chat about her Speaking For Bloggers business and the history behind this, including when God said “no.” Abby shares how God ended up opening some big doors, including having the opportunity to be on Ruth Soukup’s podcast, Do It Scared. Following the podcast, Ruth invited Abby to be part of a bigger speaking opportunity.
In Christian leadership, there are some things that are different than what the typical business advice might be. Instead of beating down the doors, it’s spending time in prayer and having your speech prepared. You can do the preparatory things so that when God says “go”, you’re ready.
The bigger doors sometimes open when we’re obedient in the small things.
Abby’s Advice ...What happens when you end up in leadership roles after devastating circumstances? How do you navigate the tension between building a business and being faithful to God’s calling?
In this episode, I interview Abby Rike Rockenbaugh and discuss how she learned how to embrace unexpected leadership after loss. You’ll hear some powerful reminders about the importance of sharing your story.
The Reluctant LeaderAbby’s leadership journey started when she was young. She was referred to as “bossy”, but learned to tone down those skills because she wanted to have friends.
Abby was often chosen as the leader within group projects growing up, but she truly realized she was a leader when she was in college. She shares about an experience when she was in a group project where she was not the designated leader.
After the project was over, Abby’s professor shared with her that the other members of her group all indicated that they felt that she was actually the leader. Her professor then called out her gift of leadership, which was a turning point for Abby.
Instead of viewing herself as bossy and annoying, she was able to embrace that being a leader was a good thing.
Abby’s Defining Moment & The Importance of Your StoryAbby shares about her defining moment that changed her life forever. She explains that during her grief, leadership was not even something on her radar. She was simply surviving. She had to wrestle with whether God was who she had always thought him to be.
After walking through that experience, she felt that now leadership was not just about her natural giftings, but rather about a calling. She now had a responsibility to share her story and point people to Jesus.
Abby believes that everyone has a story, and that it’s important for people to know how to share their story.
She and I chat about when she recognized that it was time to share her story, and how some of these opportunities turned out to be completely unexpected.
Abby ended up being chosen to be a contestant on The Biggest Loser. After this, God opened more doors for public speaking and other platforms to share her story. We discuss how many times God just asks us to take the next right step.
I ask Abby how she manages the tension of growing a business vs. following God’s calling on her life. Her best advice is that if something doesn’t rest well within your soul, don’t do it.
With leadership, you have to be willing to swim against the current.
Embracing Your Gifts & Your IdentityAbby shares that she has found the spiritual gift test to be extremely helpful to her as a a leader. She believes that it’s important for us to claim the gifts God has given us. As a reluctant leader, stepping into her gifts and owning them has been the best thing she could do to become a more effective leader.
I ask Abby what she has done to embrace how God has wired her. She says that she believes that if she does not accept her identity, then she is calling God a liar. She goes to the source of truth, God’s word, to determine who she really is.
We discuss the source of confidence, false humility, and the tension between accepting your gifts and becoming prideful in them.
We chat about the importance of having mentors and people who will help you to stay accountable. It’s important to find people who get you, but who will also tell you the truth. You also need people who can be there for you when you are really having a difficult time.
Abby’s PassionsAbby is passionate about equipping women to be in the word of God. This stems out of her own experience of being a prodigal for many years, and being wooed back to God by His word. She became a Christian as a young child, but she wasn’t truly discipled.
Her passion now is to help women understand the character of God. She wants women to experience the transformation of their heart and life.
Abby’s ministry, RockThis, was born out of this passion.
We also chat about her Speaking For Bloggers business and the history behind this, including when God said “no.” Abby shares how God ended up opening some big doors, including having the opportunity to be on Ruth Soukup’s podcast, Do It Scared. Following the podcast, Ruth invited Abby to be part of a bigger speaking opportunity.
In Christian leadership, there are some things that are different than what the typical business advice might be. Instead of beating down the doors, it’s spending time in prayer and having your speech prepared. You can do the preparatory things so that when God says “go”, you’re ready.
The bigger doors sometimes open when we’re obedient in the small things.
Abby’s Advice ...Previous Episode

2: What is Leadership and Why Does Your Leadership Matter?
What is leadership, and why does your leadership matter as a Christian woman?
In this episode, Holly and I dive into defining the topic of leadership. We provide the 14 things we believe leadership is. In addition, we cover a bit about what makes women unique as leaders. Finally, we discuss why your leadership is important and valuable.
What Leadership is NOT:- A position or title
- Simply being the boss
- Expecting everyone else to do the work
- Being the loudest person in the room
- Being a people person
- Demanding or expecting respect
- Having all the answers
- Being perfect
- Controlling everything that happens
- Knowing everything that is needed for the task or job
The dictionary defines “lead” as: “to go before or with to show the way; conduct or escort; to conduct by holding and guiding; to influence or induce; cause.”
In the 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, John Maxwell defines leadership this way:
True leadership cannot be awarded, appointed, or assigned. It comes only from influence, and that cannot be mandated. It must be earned. The only thing a title can buy is a little time-either to increase your level of influence with others or to undermine it.
Leadership is NOT simply having a title or being placed in a position that carries the responsibility of leading.
Holly and I share examples of people in leadership positions who did not display actual leadership. We point out that when someone is in a leadership position, but they don’t display healthy leadership, this often pushes away or discourages potential leaders in the organization.
We Believe Leadership Is:- Doing things that other people won’t do and showing up when others don’t.
- Serving those you lead.
- Listening.
- Identifying the needs of those you lead and finding ways to meet them.
- Earning the right to speak into others’ lives.
- Seeing potential in others, even when they don’t see it in themselves.
- Communicating a vision for the future.
- Bringing clarity.
- A commitment to personal growth and a dedication to continually move forward.
- Celebrating wins (speaking positively about the team to others-“bragging up their skills”)
- Responsibility for outcomes.
- Challenging the status quo.
- As Christians, a big part of leadership is being sensitive to the Holy Spirit’s guidance.
- Following the example of Christ and being led by him as you lead others.
Holly and I discuss some of these points in depth and share some personal experiences with them.
What About Women Leaders?The majority of leadership roles in companies as well as in churches are filled by men. As of May 2018, there are 24 female CEOs on the list of Fortune 500 CEOs—or just under 5% of the total list. Most of these women are white--only 2 are women of color.
This lack of female representation among leadership can make it tough for women to feel like there’s potential for them.
But we believe that your leadership matters as a woman, and women have some unique qualities that help us approach leadership differently. Women do not have to lead in the same way as men in order to be effective leaders.
Here you can see a video from the former global CEO of Chanel, Maureen Chiquet, as she discusses women being themselves as leaders, instead of trying to emulate everything that men do.
We discuss some of the unique qualities that women bring to the table as leaders:
- Nurturing/developing of people
- Relational - able to connect
- Intuition
- Sensitivity
- Empathy
God has wired each person uniquely, and you can use your own approach to leadership based on how God has designed you.
We need women in leadership. Even though our leadership roles might look different than men, that is okay, it doesn’t have to look perfect. We need more women mentoring future leaders as well.
Final ThoughtsHolly and I wrap up by celebrating our leadership wins for the week. My win is getting the podcast started by taking action even when I didn’t feel ready. Holly’s win is her work transition and how she’s been able to pass on the hard work she’s put in to the team filling her shoes.
We note that, ultimately, leadership is about working yourself out of a job. If you do leadership right, you will end up passing on that role to someone else.
What are your th...
Next Episode

4: Are Leaders Born or Made?
Have you ever heard someone state, “she’s a natural leader” or “he was born for this role”?
We’ve all met those people who seem to be perfect for the leadership role - it appears to come so easy for them. But other people end up becoming excellent leaders even though they never anticipated it.
In this episode, we discuss the age old debate of whether leaders are born or made. Do some people have an advantage in the leadership department, or does everyone have the potential to be a leader?
We talk about some of the research out there about whether leaders are born or developed. We also discuss our experience with this issue and some examples of leaders in the Bible. Finally, we wrap up with 6 tips for you to become a better leader.
For the full show notes for this episode, visit estherlittlefield.com/episode4.
The Research:
- Leaders: Born or Made? by Ronald E Riggio Ph.D. - Psychology Today
- Asking Whether Leaders Are Born or Made Is the Wrong Question by Connson Chou Locke - Harvard Business Review
- Are Leaders Born Or Made? By Erika Andersen - Forbes
- The Center for Creative Leadership by: William Gentry, Ph.D., Jennifer J. Deal, Ph.D., Sarah Stawiski, Ph.D., and Marian Ruderman, Ph.D.
Holly and I discuss our own perspectives around this topic and share our take on the question of whether leaders are born or made. We also bring up a 4th factor in creating a leader: the God factor.
God has a way of making leaders out of very unlikely candidates, and we don’t have to look very far in the Bible to find examples of that.
6 Tips to Becoming a Better Leader:1. Just do it! Take action. The more experience you have the more you will learn. “On the job training”
2. Find a mentor
3. Be obedient even when it doesn’t make sense.
4. Become more self-aware (more on this topic in the future)
5. Do a Bible study on some of the unlikely leaders in the Bible - this helps you to see that God can and will use anyone who is willing
6. Join our Purposeful Leadership Facebook Group - we’re there to support you in your leadership journey!
This episode was originally published on estherlittlefield.com/episode4. To join the Purposeful Leadership Facebook Group, go to estherlittlefield.com/group.
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