Episode 21: Emotionally immature parents with Dr. Lindsay Gibson
11/01/20 • 57 min
1 Listener
How we are raised and who raises us is one of the greatest influences on our lives. Some of us easily find faults in our parents or wish they had shown up in different ways. For others of us, we hold our parents in high esteem and believe they did a great job. But none of us had perfect parents.
It can be hard to admit that our parents may have fallen short at times and it can be even harder to examine how this may have impacted us. It all left an imprint on our lives.
In this episode, we talk with Dr. Lindsay Gibson about emotionally immature parents. We discuss things such as black and white thinking, moral obligation, a low tolerance for stress, and pressuring other people to meet one’s own needs. She describes four different types of parents—emotional, driven, passive, and rejecting—and how they impact us as children.
Dr. Lindsay also discusses what we can do with this information and how we can improve our relationships with our parents and our own children. This is a really insightful episode that will help you look at the generational effects of your family’s emotional well-being.
Key takeaways
- A little about herself and the work she’s doing
- Ways parents influence their children
- What is meant by emotionally immature parents
- What affective realism is
- Four different types of parents
- How emotionally immature parents can affect their children’s boundaries
- What narcissistic personality disorder is
- How children should communicate with emotionally immature parents
- How to be a relationship leader
- How to teach your parents what your values are
- How children of emotionally immature parents should reconnect with their true selves
- Last thoughts she wants to share with the listeners
Books
- Who You Were Meant to Be: A Guide to Finding or Recovering Your Life’s Purpose by Lindsay C. Gibson - https://www.amazon.com/Who-You-Were-Meant-Recovering-ebook/dp/B01HLN6M78
- Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson - https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Emotionally-Immature-Parents/dp/1626251703
Dr. Lindsay Gibson Bio:
Lindsay C. Gibson holds both a Master’s and Doctoral Degree in clinical psychology. She has been a psychodiagnostician and psychotherapist for over thirty years, working in both public and private practice. In the past, Dr. Gibson has served as an Adjunct Assistant Professor for the Virginia Consortium Program for Clinical Psychology, teaching doctoral students clinical theory and psychotherapeutic techniques.
Dr. Gibson is the author of three books, Who You Were Meant to Be, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, and Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents. She has also written a monthly column on Well-Being for Tidewater Women magazine (www.tidewaterwomen.com) for over twenty years. Dr. Gibson lives and works in Virginia Beach, Virginia.
How we are raised and who raises us is one of the greatest influences on our lives. Some of us easily find faults in our parents or wish they had shown up in different ways. For others of us, we hold our parents in high esteem and believe they did a great job. But none of us had perfect parents.
It can be hard to admit that our parents may have fallen short at times and it can be even harder to examine how this may have impacted us. It all left an imprint on our lives.
In this episode, we talk with Dr. Lindsay Gibson about emotionally immature parents. We discuss things such as black and white thinking, moral obligation, a low tolerance for stress, and pressuring other people to meet one’s own needs. She describes four different types of parents—emotional, driven, passive, and rejecting—and how they impact us as children.
Dr. Lindsay also discusses what we can do with this information and how we can improve our relationships with our parents and our own children. This is a really insightful episode that will help you look at the generational effects of your family’s emotional well-being.
Key takeaways
- A little about herself and the work she’s doing
- Ways parents influence their children
- What is meant by emotionally immature parents
- What affective realism is
- Four different types of parents
- How emotionally immature parents can affect their children’s boundaries
- What narcissistic personality disorder is
- How children should communicate with emotionally immature parents
- How to be a relationship leader
- How to teach your parents what your values are
- How children of emotionally immature parents should reconnect with their true selves
- Last thoughts she wants to share with the listeners
Books
- Who You Were Meant to Be: A Guide to Finding or Recovering Your Life’s Purpose by Lindsay C. Gibson - https://www.amazon.com/Who-You-Were-Meant-Recovering-ebook/dp/B01HLN6M78
- Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson - https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Emotionally-Immature-Parents/dp/1626251703
Dr. Lindsay Gibson Bio:
Lindsay C. Gibson holds both a Master’s and Doctoral Degree in clinical psychology. She has been a psychodiagnostician and psychotherapist for over thirty years, working in both public and private practice. In the past, Dr. Gibson has served as an Adjunct Assistant Professor for the Virginia Consortium Program for Clinical Psychology, teaching doctoral students clinical theory and psychotherapeutic techniques.
Dr. Gibson is the author of three books, Who You Were Meant to Be, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, and Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents. She has also written a monthly column on Well-Being for Tidewater Women magazine (www.tidewaterwomen.com) for over twenty years. Dr. Gibson lives and works in Virginia Beach, Virginia.
Previous Episode
Episode 20: Stress and calming techniques with Talya Feldman
This year hasn't been easy. And we're still in a pandemic, folks. Fortunately, there are researchers who are trying to learn how we can become more resilient while dealing with COVID-19 related stresses for frontline workers and families.
In this episode, researcher Talya Feldman shares about the challenges we're still facing during the pandemic and how we can learn and grow from them. Sleep and support are just two of the essential ingredients to maintaining our resilience—tune in to learn more!
Learn some practical ways to gain resilience. Her research team has created a protocol for helping deal with the pandemic related stresses. She gives us a tool box full of tips and tricks we can use at home. She explains some practical ways we can learn to recenter and calm ourselves, even when the world around us may seem a little hectic.
Key takeaways
- A little about her, her background, and the work she’s doing
- What it means to have second trauma and what it can lead to
- Some of the factors that predict the development of PTSD
- What good sleep looks like and why it’s important
- What resilience is and how it relates to first responders
- What her new COVID-19 related project is
- Main problems she sees affecting frontline workers
- Therapies that are available
- Some skills she’s using from behavioral therapies to help frontline workers
- Tools and practices people can use at home
- Techniques people can use to fill their cups
- Problem-solving tools you have but don’t acknowledge
- What “dropping anchor” is all about
- What S.M.A.R.T. goals stands for
- How people can get ahold of her
Bio:
Talya is a 4th year doctoral student in the Clinical Psychology program at the University of Texas at Austin and received her bachelor’s degree in psychology from Yale University. She works with Dr. Caryn Carlson and Dr. Bob Josephs on research examining PTSD, stress, and resilience in first responders. Prior to graduate school she served as the Senior Director of Operations for IsraAID-US, a global humanitarian aid organization, and worked on psychosocial support interventions in refugee camps around the world. In particular, she worked in Lesvos, Greece with refugees from Syria, Iraq, and Afghanistan.
Next Episode
Episode 22: Coming back to yourself: Satir psychology with Jennifer Nagel
In this episode, we learn about the Satir method of psychology, created by Virginia Satir. A pioneer in the the field, Satir took a different approach to family dynamics and became known known as the “Mother of Family Therapy.”
Jennifer Nagel is an amazing psychologist who has had a leading role in the Satir Institute of the Pacific and other Satir networks. In this episode, Jennifer discusses how we develop our belief system and how this impacts our everyday experiences. She talks about ways to come back into our own self—how to become more in touch with our own feelings and what our body is telling us.
We also discuss how to recognize your belief systems and how to understand how it fits in today’s world. Jennifer shares about the Iceberg Model, where most of our understanding of self is beneath the surface. We hope this episode will help you get more in touch with yourself.
Key Takeaways
- A little about her and the work she’s doing
- What the Satir model is and what makes it different
- What it means to tap into one’s self
- How to recognize when you’re not connected to yourself
- What the Satir patterns of coping are
- Different types of coping
- Other ways people cope
- What it means to allow the body to “speak”
- What the iceberg metaphor in the Satir model is all about
- What it means for feelings to have “feelings”
- How to take ownership of your experiences rather than blaming others
- How the iceberg metaphor plays out in real life
- How to connect with yourself
- How to learn to tap into your body
- How to understand yourself more
- How to work through different beliefs and influences
- How being connected can help you make wise decisions
- Why gratitude is so important
- What it means when you’re congruent
- What the alternative to coping is
- Resources and books she recommends
Links
- Jennifer Nagel Counselling Website - https://www.jennifernagelcounselling.com
- Virginia Satir - https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/therapy/the-mother-of-family-therapy-virginia-satir/
- Satir Institute of the Pacific - https://satirpacific.org/
- Virginia Satir Global Network - https://satirglobal.org/
Books
- Magic in the Muck: Finding Grace in Chaos by Jennifer Nagel - https://www.amazon.com/Magic-Muck-Finding-Grace-Chaos/dp/1775308405
- The Satir Model: Family Therapy and Beyond by Virginia Satir - https://www.amazon.com/Satir-Model-Family-Therapy-Beyond/dp/0831400781
- Peoplemaking by Virginia Satir - https://www.amazon.com/Peoplemaking-Condor-Books-Virginia-Satir/dp/0285648721
Jennifer Nagel Bio:
Jennifer Nagel, MA, RCC has extensive training in the Satir Model and has been leading training for a diversity of groups including therapists, educators, school programs, community groups, at-risk adolescents, therapeutic programs, non-profit organizations and corporate groups. She has presented many workshops and training programs internationally, and works regularly in Canada, China, and Kenya.
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