We Don’t Exist: Boys and Patriarchy

06/10/19 • 59 min

With the debate about gay rights in the national media last year, homophobia became the mainstay of school hallways in Mumbai. Ash faced this every day with the unplaceable ache of being a closeted gay Hindu boy. “Even though they’re not talking to me,” he said on the podcast, “I feel what they say.” So each day he sidestepped one-sided debates that drove homophobic language through his skin, and gradually his helplessness translated to anger.

“It was enraging to not be able to stand up for myself. That’s one of the things that got to me the most. Because it would be odd for a straight kid to stand up for gay rights. If you take even a slightly pro-gay stance people are definitely going to start questioning you. I can’t risk that. But I can’t just stand and watch them spew homophobia. So what the hell do I do?”

Indian society upholds what Sikata Banerjee calls masculine Hinduism in Mumbai and what Aakriti Kohli calls Sikh martial masculinity in Punjab. Meanwhile Ash is caught on the frontlines, the victim of both the unrelenting pressure and cruel manifestation of a masculine narrative long defined by invulnerability and the domination of others.

The irony is that we can follow this thread from modern India to the perceived crisis of masculinity in the British Empire and the consequent rise of muscular Christianity in 19th-century North America. We are inherently part of the construction of boyhood masculinity as it has been for a hundred years.

Which means we are part of its redefinition.

Continue reading on Medium

SOURCES

Sikata Banerjee, Make me a man!: Masculinity, Hinduism, and nationalism in India →

Sikata Banerjee, The Quest for Manhood: Masculine Hinduism and Nation in Bengal →

Sanjay Srivastava, The making of toxic Hindu masculinity →

Aakriti Kohli, Militarization of Sikh Masculinity →

Rohini Nilekani, Boys can’t be boys. Here’s how to fix India’s toxic masculinity problem →

Amanda Keddie, Little Boys: tomorrow’s macho lads →

CONNECT

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at [email protected] or on social media.<...

Which means we are part of its redefinition.

Continue reading on Medium

SOURCES

Sikata Banerjee, Make me a man!: Masculinity, Hinduism, and nationalism in India →

Sikata Banerjee, The Quest for Manhood: Masculine Hinduism and Nation in Bengal →

Sanjay Srivastava, The making of toxic Hindu masculinity →

Aakriti Kohli, Militarization of Sikh Masculinity →

Rohini Nilekani, Boys can’t be boys. Here’s how to fix India’s toxic masculinity problem →

Amanda Keddie, Little Boys: tomorrow’s macho lads →

CONNECT

Previous Episode

In That Moment You’re Scared: Boys and Hazing

Chad’s first experience with hazing was on his first night back at summer camp. Older boys grabbed him and his friends and told them to strip to their underwear. He tried to refuse but had to fight his way out of their grip, then left the cabin to the sound of the senior campers yelling, “Don’t be like him!”

Chad told a counsellor what had happened, but it wasn’t easy. “You don’t want to be a snitch,” he said on the podcast. “What’s holding you back is fear.” The risk of angering older peers in the moment and being ostracized from the group afterwards makes boys hesitate to speak out, and then the pressure to fit into a narrative of dominance and invulnerability compels them to bury their feelings deep inside.

If incidents of hazing could be said to have one thing in common, it’s silence. More than half of all boys experience hazing before they leave high school, but according to research, 92% of students will not report any kind of hazing to an adult. To put it bluntly, boys aren’t talking about hazing—at least not with experienced role models and mentors who could help them end ongoing cycles of violence.

It’s time we changed that.

Continue reading on Medium

SOURCES

Clementine Ford, Macho ‘pranks’ and the devastating cost of male emotional repression →

Clementine Ford, Boys Will Be Boys →

Phil Christman, What Is It Like to Be a Man? →

Cavetown, Boys Will Be Bugs →

CONNECT

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

Next Episode

What About the Boys

Breaking the Boy Code began in March 2018, or the summer of 2017, or April 2014 depending on your parameters. But some part of it has its roots in an underweight boy with too many bracelets and long blonde hair—because if you had asked me when I was young what I thought about gender stereotypes and rules about masculinity, I would have had a lot to say.

I learned at a young age that some things are not allowed for boys, and some things result in violence that I wasn’t ready for. I was told I was doing it wrong. I was told I was a girl. I was called a fag before I knew what a fag was. As I navigated the winding path of both resistance and adherence to the rules of masculinity, I went to great lengths to hide or change parts of who I was. And while I had some great teachers, I also had teachers who were unprepared to intervene on homophobic violence in their classrooms.

I’m now an educator, and I’ve seen firsthand the impact of committed and authentic relationships with boys. Boys are saying: ‘We want change. We want these kinds of conversations about masculinity, about mental health and relationships, we want to be supported by committed educators who spend time with us and help us create a space to explore who we want to be.’ So as parents and educators we are part of something better than what we experienced when we were young.

“There is a systematic mistreatment underlying boyhood, and those of us responsible for its design and maintenance—not boys themselves—must fix its flaws. We will find ready partners in boys themselves, who have a keen interest in being seen as they are, hearts beating loudly behind the masks they must wear.” — Michael Reichert

Together, we are breaking the boy code.