Re-Victimized, the Risk of Sharing Your Trauma Story with Family, with Miranda Pacchiana

11/04/19 • 41 min

Childhood trauma is going to affect you into adulthood, and even with doing the hard work of healing, there will still be times of struggle. The difference is, the understanding, awareness, and skills you learn with the help of a trauma-informed professional can make all the difference in coping during those ongoing tough times.

Our chat on this episode of the podcast is with Miranda Pacchiana, MSW: I am a writer, social worker, and survivor of childhood sexual abuse. When I first disclosed to my family that my brother had abused me as a child, I thought my whole world would change. I assumed my family members would share my desire to examine what had gone wrong in our home and pursue a path toward healing together. I was sadly mistaken. In fact, their behaviors left me feeling as though the abuse didn’t really matter. Yes, they believed me–but my family members still seemed determined to brush my trauma under the rug. Over time, I came to realize they viewed me as the problem for focusing on the abuse. Not the brother who had abused me or whatever damaging experiences he had undergone as a child.

During our chat, we discuss the challenges of confronting family members who your childhood trauma, in particular:

What is "the second wound" for trauma survivors?
It's one thing to come to terms with a traumatic past, and as difficult as that is, revealing the details of the abuse to family members adds a whole new layer of fear, anxiety, and shame.
The dynamic of a family who intentionally is covering up the abuse in order to hide a secret and keep the family name from being tarnished, vs the dynamic of telling family members who have no idea anything ever happened, and the risk of invalidation or minimization.
The importance of a multi-faceted support system, and how to go about building up the support when you first begin to end your silence.
Challenging the family's desire to keep everything a secret, and finding the courage to talk about it and not live in silence.
Second-guessing yourself before and after you share your story.

Be sure and follow Miranda on Twitter and Facebook: @SecondWound, and on Instagram: @TheSecondWound. Learn more about her coaching, clinical work, and her story at SecondWound.com as well as her podcast "Truth and Consequences, Navigating the Aftermath of Trauma."

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All conversations and information exchanged during participation on the podcast and BeyondYourPastRadio.com are intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing on the podcast or posted on the above-mentioned website are supplements for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers.

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During our chat, we discuss the challenges of confronting family members who your childhood trauma, in particular:

What is "the second wound" for trauma survivors?
It's one thing to come to terms with a traumatic past, and as difficult as that is, revealing the details of the abuse to family members adds a whole new layer of fear, anxiety, and shame.
The dynamic of a family who intentionally is covering up the abuse in order to hide a secret and keep the family name from being tarnished, vs the dynamic of telling family members who have no idea anything ever happened, and the risk of invalidation or minimization.
The importance of a multi-faceted support system, and how to go about building up the support when you first begin to end your silence.
Challenging the family's desire to keep everything a secret, and finding the courage to talk about it and not live in silence.
Second-guessing yourself before and after you share your story.

If you enjoy these podcasts would you consider doing 3 easy things for us?

Share it with one person who might find it helpful.
Leave a review on your favorite podcast app.
Follow the podcast on that same app, so you never miss an episode.

That’s it...Super Easy and it would mean the world to us.

If you want to go a step further, we have a special Thank You just for You!

Support the show

Previous Episode

The Rule of 7, How Narcissists Use Repetition to Manipulate You, with Kim Saeed

Our guest on this episode of the podcast is well known in the narcissistic abuse recovery circles and has dedicated her life to exposing the tactics of narcissistic individuals and helping people break free from the grasp of a narcissist. I like to say that Kim Saeed is a narcissist's worst nightmare, because she's got the knowledge, skills, and lived experience to expose them for what they are trying to do in the lives of their victims.

Her website, KimSaeed.com is the hub of all of her books, coaching programs, videos, blog posts, and materials...."I created this collective space after visiting seven different therapists, which not only failed to offer relief from my symptoms of narcissistic abuse, I felt further invalidated and more confused than ever. Most of the modalities and self-help out there simply don’t provide the solution for lasting relief.

During our chat on the podcast, we dive into some specific aspects of narcissistic abuse and the tactics that a narcissist will use, including Cognitive Dissonance, Gaslighting, and Brainwashing. Kim explains each of these terms and how a skilled narcissist uses these manipulations in such a way that you don't even know something is happening until they've already got a grip on you.

We talk about how to recognize when you're in an unsafe relationship and ways you can begin to pull yourself out of it when you're ready to take that step. As Kim mentions, they won't just go quietly into the night, they will step up their game to keep you in their grasp and believing their lies.

Kim talks about the importance of paying attention to patterns, not words, in order to see a narcissist for who they truly are rather than what they've led you to believe. In addition, you'll learn how a narcissist can even use a therapy environment to their advantage, where you believe they are honestly trying to change, but in reality, their agenda is still the primary goal.

Be sure and check out Kim Saeed on her website, KimSaeed.com for information on her courses, The Essential Break Free Bootcamp, and Beyond No Contact. You definitely don't want to miss her blog posts and her YouTube videos, all done in a way that is both educating and validating.

If you enjoy these podcasts would you consider doing 3 easy things for us?

Share it with one person who might find it helpful.
Leave a review on your favorite podcast app.
Follow the podcast on that same app, so you never miss an episode.

That’s it...Super Easy and it would mean the world to us.

If you want to go a step further, we have a special Thank You just for You!

Support the show

Next Episode

Gratitude and Forgiveness, Essential Aspects of Healing and Empowerment, with Lisa Cybaniak

Since gratitude and forgiveness are key to healing, feeling empowered, enforcing healthy boundaries in relationships, and so many other aspects in life, we wanted to bring back a guest for a podcast episode who specializes in fostering a mindset of gratitude and understanding forgiveness.

Lisa Cybaniak has dedicated her life to helping women in particular, and survivors as a whole, to find their voice. To begin to realize that they too have the ability to reach out for help, work through their past moving from victim to survivor, and ultimately from survivor to warrior.

Lisa Cybaniak is a Motivational Speaker, Success Coach, NLP Practitioner, Author, and survivor of 10 years of child abuse. Over the last 3 years, her work has been featured on radio programs, podcasts, in magazines, and other media outlets. Her first book, Survivor to Warrior is available now on her website, LifeLikeYouMeanIt.com and on Amazon. She outlines on her website, I’ve developed three healing streams to empower you to build a life of purpose after abuse, wherever you may be on your path to recovery: Reaching Out, Victim to Survivor, and Survivor to Warrior.

During our chat with Lisa, we talk more about how we learn gratitude and embrace forgiveness:

The lessons you learn about your life and who you are, when you begin to understand what forgiveness means to you, and how it relates to your journey.
The differences in all types of personal and professional relationships before you learn forgiveness and after.
How you begin to practice gratitude; the first initial steps and the progression of taking it to deeper and higher levels in your life.
The challenge of regrouping when you're knocked down, and how gratitude and forgiveness can help.
Learning how acceptance is key to both forgiveness and gratitude.
How you can recognize which patterns in your life need to be addressed in order to change how you approach relationships.
How gratitude can be a game-changer in not only healing from trauma but all aspects of life.

If you’d like to learn more about working with Lisa, her programs, upcoming new book, and her speaking engagements, just head over to LifeLikeYouMeanIt.com...and be sure and tell her, “Beyond Your Past, sent you”. 😉

You can follow her on Twitter: @LisaCybaniak , Facebook.com/lifelikeyoumeanit, and Instagram: @Life_Like_You_Mean_It

If you enjoy these podcasts would you consider doing 3 easy things for us?

Share it with someone who might find it helpful.
Leave a review on your favorite podcasting app.
Subscribe so you never miss an episode.

That’s it...Super Easy and it would mean the world to us.

If you want to go a step further, we have a special Thank You just for You!

All conversation and information exchanged during participation on the Beyond Your Past Podcast, on BeyondYourPast.com, and BeyondYourPastRadio.com is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing on these podcasts or posted on the above-mentioned websites are supplements for or supersedes the relationship and direction

Support the show