A Trauma-Informed Understanding of Forgiveness and Letting Go
03/18/25 • 49 min
There can be a lot of talk around forgiveness in the self-help space, but what does it actually mean to forgive? Forgiveness is not just a mindset shift or something we can “think” our way into—it is a somatic process that requires addressing the nervous system and accessing our healthy aggression.
Using the latest neuroscience research, Sarah explains how unresolved trauma gets stored in our bodies until we are able to “complete the incomplete experience” or access the appropriate response to what occurred. If you’ve struggled to let go and move forward in life, this episode will give you a step-by-step guide to somatically resolve these wounds, so that you can find freedom from the past and release feelings of shame and resentment.
Episode Highlights
00:00 Intro
00:46 Time Does Not Heal All
04:36 We Must First Process What Occurred
08:01 What is Healthy Aggression?
11:20 What is Unhealthy Aggression?
12:36 Building Your Capacity for Healthy Aggression
15:56 Practical Applications for Somatic Forgiveness
21:31 Accessing Your Unmet Needs
24:09 Struggling to Move On After a Betrayal
27:21 Healing Shame and Anger from Childhood Trauma
32:48 How to Overcome Parental Guilt
42:07 Spiritual Bypassing Around Forgiveness
RSVP to Sarah’s FREE live training:
Ready for tangible somatic tools? Take this work to the next level when you join the Nervous System Starter Kit — a FREE 75-minute live training to help you get into the driver’s seat of your experience and step toward your desires.
https://bit.ly/sp-nssk
Connect with Sarah on:
Email Community - https://bit.ly/yms-sp-newsletter
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/sarahbcoaching/
Website - https://www.sarahbaldwincoaching.com/
Submit a Question: https://sarahbaldwin1.typeform.com/podcast
Important Keywords:
Polyvagal Theory - This theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, explains how the autonomic nervous system regulates our responses to stress, danger, and safety. It highlights the role of the vagus nerve in shifting between survival states (fight, flight, freeze, and shut down) and social engagement, which is crucial for emotional healing.
Healthy Aggression - A term coined by Peter Levine, this is our lifeforce energy, which is needed to set boundaries, protect oneself, and assert personal needs. It’s also the energy that allows us to experience full aliveness, connection, wonder, and awe. When suppressed, it can lead to unresolved anger, resentment, and even physical symptoms, but when expressed appropriately, it helps complete past emotional responses.
Trauma - Trauma is the overwhelm of activation (energy) experienced in our bodies, in the face of helplessness. If we do not have the conditions necessary for trauma to process through our bodies, it becomes stuck and stored, leaving lasting emotional, physical or psychological imprints. It disrupts the nervous system causing chronic dysregulation, disconnection and/or hypervigilance.
Somatic Healing - Somatic healing focuses on addressing trauma and stress stored in the body, rather than just the mind. It involves practices that help release trapped activation/energy, regulate the nervous system and complete the incomplete response to trauma of the past, and reconnect with the physical self. Techniques like movement, touch, and breathwork are commonly used to support this healing process.
Titration of Trauma - This refers to the body's natural process of releasing stored energy from past trauma or stress. It can happen through movement, sound, breathwork, or other somatic practices that allow the body to complete an unfinished emotional cycle and pendulate through stress responses.
There can be a lot of talk around forgiveness in the self-help space, but what does it actually mean to forgive? Forgiveness is not just a mindset shift or something we can “think” our way into—it is a somatic process that requires addressing the nervous system and accessing our healthy aggression.
Using the latest neuroscience research, Sarah explains how unresolved trauma gets stored in our bodies until we are able to “complete the incomplete experience” or access the appropriate response to what occurred. If you’ve struggled to let go and move forward in life, this episode will give you a step-by-step guide to somatically resolve these wounds, so that you can find freedom from the past and release feelings of shame and resentment.
Episode Highlights
00:00 Intro
00:46 Time Does Not Heal All
04:36 We Must First Process What Occurred
08:01 What is Healthy Aggression?
11:20 What is Unhealthy Aggression?
12:36 Building Your Capacity for Healthy Aggression
15:56 Practical Applications for Somatic Forgiveness
21:31 Accessing Your Unmet Needs
24:09 Struggling to Move On After a Betrayal
27:21 Healing Shame and Anger from Childhood Trauma
32:48 How to Overcome Parental Guilt
42:07 Spiritual Bypassing Around Forgiveness
RSVP to Sarah’s FREE live training:
Ready for tangible somatic tools? Take this work to the next level when you join the Nervous System Starter Kit — a FREE 75-minute live training to help you get into the driver’s seat of your experience and step toward your desires.
https://bit.ly/sp-nssk
Connect with Sarah on:
Email Community - https://bit.ly/yms-sp-newsletter
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/sarahbcoaching/
Website - https://www.sarahbaldwincoaching.com/
Submit a Question: https://sarahbaldwin1.typeform.com/podcast
Important Keywords:
Polyvagal Theory - This theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, explains how the autonomic nervous system regulates our responses to stress, danger, and safety. It highlights the role of the vagus nerve in shifting between survival states (fight, flight, freeze, and shut down) and social engagement, which is crucial for emotional healing.
Healthy Aggression - A term coined by Peter Levine, this is our lifeforce energy, which is needed to set boundaries, protect oneself, and assert personal needs. It’s also the energy that allows us to experience full aliveness, connection, wonder, and awe. When suppressed, it can lead to unresolved anger, resentment, and even physical symptoms, but when expressed appropriately, it helps complete past emotional responses.
Trauma - Trauma is the overwhelm of activation (energy) experienced in our bodies, in the face of helplessness. If we do not have the conditions necessary for trauma to process through our bodies, it becomes stuck and stored, leaving lasting emotional, physical or psychological imprints. It disrupts the nervous system causing chronic dysregulation, disconnection and/or hypervigilance.
Somatic Healing - Somatic healing focuses on addressing trauma and stress stored in the body, rather than just the mind. It involves practices that help release trapped activation/energy, regulate the nervous system and complete the incomplete response to trauma of the past, and reconnect with the physical self. Techniques like movement, touch, and breathwork are commonly used to support this healing process.
Titration of Trauma - This refers to the body's natural process of releasing stored energy from past trauma or stress. It can happen through movement, sound, breathwork, or other somatic practices that allow the body to complete an unfinished emotional cycle and pendulate through stress responses.
Previous Episode
How to Actualize the Life You're Wanting
Do you ever feel like there’s an invisible wall holding you back from the life you desire? In this episode, Sarah explores why achieving our goals can feel so difficult—even when we’re putting in the effort. The key to unlocking our full potential lies in understanding and befriending our autonomic nervous system, which shapes our entire experience and the ease in which we’re able to take steps forward.
By viewing the nervous system as a vehicle, Sarah shares practical strategies for how to guide your nervous system down roads that lead to your deepest desires. Through the power of nervous system regulation, parts work, and safe connection, it’s possible to get unstuck and tangibly move toward a more full, expansive life.
Episode Highlight:
00:00 Intro
01:35 The Vehicle Inside You (Your Nervous System)
07:31 The Roads of Your Deepest Desires
19:02 What Determines the Size of Your Life
23:52 Building Capacity in Your Nervous System
26:48: 4 Things That Don’t Actually Work
27:46 #1 - “Muscling Through”
30:08 #2 - Setting Unattainable Goals
32:43 #3 - Taking Steps in Isolation
34:52 #4 - Comparing Our Self to Others
36:28 Building a Bridge to Where You Want to Go
40:48 Cultivating Safe Community and Connection
42:07 Start Honoring Your ‘NO’
44:58 “What About Taking the Big, Scary Step?”
49:44 “How to Take Tolerable Steps in Dating?”
53:27 “Why Is It So Hard to Take Steps Forward?”
Join the Expansion Experience:
Ready to start expanding into a bigger life? Join Sarah’s 3-day live experience for tangible somatic tools to break through stagnancy and start expanding. First call starts on March 17th with replays available for a limited time.
Connect with Sarah on:
Email Community - https://bit.ly/yms-sp-newsletter
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/sarahbcoaching/
Website - https://www.sarahbaldwincoaching.com/
Submit a Question: https://sarahbaldwin1.typeform.com/podcast
Important Keywords:
Autonomic Nervous System - The body's command center for automatic functions like breathing, heart rate, and digestion. It also plays a vital role in how we respond to stress and perceived threats, as well as our ability to feel safe, connected, and regulated.
Roads of Safety - The pathways our nervous system recognizes as safe and predictable, often shaped by past experiences. While they provide comfort and stability, they may not always align with our true desires or highest potential.
Roads of Familiarity - The patterns and dynamics we've learned to navigate—whether healthy or not. Our nervous system tends to gravitate toward familiar routes because they offer a sense of control, even if they don’t always serve our well-being.
Safe Connection - The deep sense of being seen, heard, and understood by others, fostering a feeling of belonging and security. Safe connection is essential for regulating the nervous system and expanding our capacity for growth, healing, and change.
Next Episode
Processing Endings and Making Space for New Beginnings
In this episode of You Make Sense, Sarah explores the profound shifts that occur as we heal—both within ourselves and in our relationships. She delves into the challenges of evolving while being in partnerships, the difficulty of letting go when growth outpaces connection, and the natural distance that can emerge between those on different healing journeys.
Sarah also answers listener questions about navigating major life transitions. From unfulfilling marriages and moving forward when a partner is unwilling to grow, to forgiveness and releasing resentment following a betrayal, these questions spark a powerful conversation about trauma, self-protection, and reclaiming life after pain.
Episode Highlights:
00:00 Introduction
00:15 Processing Endings
03:26 Internal Safety and Connectivity
06:42 Unwritten Contracts and Change in Our Relationships
09:59 Healing Decreases Our Toleration for Suffering
12:15 Giving Ourselves the Things We Never Got
13:21 Healing Invites Space for Change
18:58 Meeting New Parts of Ourselves
28:14 Leaving A Stagnant Relationship
32:13 Navigating Betrayal and Resentment
36:41 Forgiveness and Resolving Past Trauma
Join the FREE live training:
There’s still time to RSVP for Nervous System Starter Kit! Take this work to the next level in Sarah’s FREE 75-minute live training to help you get into the driver’s seat of your experience and step toward your desires
Connect with Sarah on:
Email Community - https://bit.ly/yms-sp-newsletter
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/sarahbcoaching/
Website - https://www.sarahbaldwincoaching.com/
Submit a Question: https://sarahbaldwin1.typeform.com/podcast
Important Keywords:
Resentment – Resentment often signals unmet needs or unprocessed emotions. Nervous system regulation helps in addressing these feelings by discharging the underlying dysregulation.
Forgiveness – True forgiveness can only happen when a person has processed the appropriate response and emotions related to their trauma, by accessing what’s called healthy aggression.
Relational Shifts in Healing – As healing progresses, people may feel disconnected from past relationships, social circles, or roles. This is a natural part of transformation, signaling new growth and self-awareness.
Somatic Experiencing – Created by Dr. Peter Levine, this therapeutic modality uses body awareness, movement, and nervous system regulation to release and resolve stored trauma. By building capacity to be in our embodied experience, we can teach our nervous system how to pendulate, resulting in the discharge of stored trauma and overall regulation of the nervous system.
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