Driving Through the Holidays: Special Episode

12/22/21 • 32 min

Ellen and Paul have an authentic and relatable conversation about how we can feel triggered and regress into old patterns when we spend time with our family of origin—when we are in our old family car.

Paul shares how he tends to regress to thinking and behaving like "the baby" of the family when he is around his brothers. It's a great example of how our programming stays with us throughout our lives.

Ellen explains how our body's response to the old family car dynamics is visceral; our bodies respond before our minds can process what we are thinking or feeling. She shares a simple, practical way that we can ground ourselves in the present moment and remind ourselves that we are safe.

Ellen and Paul discuss how the pandemic has affected our experience of the holidays and our family gatherings along with the idea of creating new rituals while honoring those we have lost.

This episode is full of relatable experiences and practical tools and tips to help us have a joyous holiday season!

Ellen and Paul discuss how the pandemic has affected our experience of the holidays and our family gatherings along with the idea of creating new rituals while honoring those we have lost.

This episode is full of relatable experiences and practical tools and tips to help us have a joyous holiday season!

Previous Episode

Can I Make It A Good Journey?

Ellen and Tolly welcome a very special guest, Bethany Taylor. Bethany is Tolly’s wife and a social worker. Bethany brings her experiences from her family of origin to the discussion, bringing the car illustration to life in new ways!

Beth’s experiences in her family cars include navigating life after divorce during childhood and learning to get her needs met in her various family dynamics.

Through Bethany’s story, we hear how one family car can embody all four types of family cars—Perfect, Controlled, Chaotic, and Real—and how family car dynamics can shift through these different states under various circumstances and stressors.

Ellen, Tolly, and Bethany discuss Attachment Theory and how our early experiences of being tended to and nurtured affect us throughout our lives.

We hear a real-life example from Beth’s story about how children learn to navigate multiple family cars after a divorce.

Next Episode

Who Am I Now?

Through stories created through a composite of real-life scenarios, Ellen shares three examples of how her client's childhood cars have dramatically affected their adult relationships. (All names have been changed.)

First, Ellen and Tolly discuss "Todd's" experience growing up in a chaotic car and how that experience led him to create a very different car when he married and had children. We hear how the coping mechanisms he learned to get his needs met in his childhood continued to manifest in his marriage and relationships and how his new "controlled car" ended in tragedy. Ellen shares how she's been able to work with Todd to heal, beginning with his family of origin wounds and unmet needs.

Next, Ellen shares about "Leslie," her experience growing up in a perfect car, and the painful struggles she endured trying to live up to perfection. We learn about how this drive for perfection trickled down to Leslie's children and how it continues to manifest as anxiety in Leslie's life. Ellen talks about how she is able to support Leslie through therapy to help her give herself permission to be imperfect and to take good care of herself.

Finally, Tolly and Ellen discuss a "real car" experience through the story of "Jeff and Lisa." We hear about the messiness, trials, and fulfillment of family life in a real car. Ellen shares how even though the real car is a healthy, supportive environment, family members can still find themselves in need of extra support and encouragement when the trials of life become discouraging.

The car metaphor truly comes to life through these stories, so join us on our journey!