To Hump A Pillow with Coach Ellen Melon

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#43. A story of recovery, postpartum motherhood, and overcoming resentment in married sex - with full-time mama, Madeline Clair

To Hump A Pillow with Coach Ellen Melon

11/10/21 • 65 min

Here’s the thing about having kids — it changes everything. Your physical body, your mind, your hormones, your sex life, your sleeping life, what you eat, when you eat, and beyond. Many people don’t talk about all the sucky parts of child-rearing because of fear that they are “doing it wrong” or will be deemed “bad parents” but what NOT TALKING ABOUT IT actually creates is mothers’ beliefs that “there must be something wrong with me or my kids.”

Postpartum anxiety and depression are a huge part of this conversation — and happening more frequently. In the United States alone, approximately 70% to 80% of women will experience, at a minimum, the ‘baby blues’. Many of these women will experience the more severe condition of postpartum depression or a related condition. (https://www.postpartumdepression.org)

Many mothers don’t know they are experiencing it because they are in the throes of no sleep, new experience, and without a template. In this episode, we talk to Madeline Clair Fisher and her experience of postpartum depression and anxiety. She tells us about doing some preventative work ahead of pregnancy to make sure she set herself up for success, and how her husband actually called out her behavior — “Hey you’re not acting like yourself, let’s get support.” We also discuss her recovery story, having been addicted to drugs in high school. Madeline also shares with us a hard conversation she had with her husband about feeling resentment in their sex life...and what was really underneath that.

Interesting in working with a Sex & Relationship Coach? Apply for 1on1 coaching with me: www.ellenmelon.com/intimacy-coaching

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Links we talked about:

Madeline Clair Fisher: https://www.instagram.com/madeline.clair/

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About Ellen Melon: Sex & Relationship Coach and Un-Educator

Ellen Melon links:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ellenmelonshow/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/EllenMelonShow

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCL_F0bL0mItXS-jundACwnA

https://www.instagram.com/no1butsym1/

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#28. Male conditioning, male bashing and how we’re socialized - with Ellen Melon

To Hump A Pillow with Coach Ellen Melon

03/03/21 • 48 min

#20. Adolescent experiences of racism: Sexuality, body image, self-worth - with SYM1, PART 1

To Hump A Pillow with Coach Ellen Melon

10/21/20 • 48 min

SYM1 and I are totally cut from the same cloth, in that we both love talking about our sexuality and welcoming others to talk about their sexuality. This discussion is broken up into 2 parts.

In these 2 episodes, I have a conversation with SYM1, Minneapolis-based music artist who uses sexuality and erotica in her art. We’re going to hear about SYM1s sexual upbringing, but we’re also going to talk about her early experiences of racism.

A couple points of our discussion: The definition of “malado,” big booty stigma, black but passing, objectification, fetishizing the black woman, viewing black people as less than, and the story of Sarah Bartman, “Hottentot Venus.”

What does this have to do with “the sex-ed curriculum you never had?” Understanding peoples experiences has everything to do with how we relate to one another, and if as a society, white people unconsciously and systemically view black people as less-than, we’ve got some work to do, don’t we? And it starts with empathy.

https://www.facebook.com/no1butsym1/

Interesting in working with a Sex & Relationship Coach? Apply for 1on1 coaching with me: Fill out this 10 question form.

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Links we talked about:

N/A

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About Ellen Melon: Sex & Relationship Coach and Educator specializing in shame, attachment, and taking things personally.

Ellen Melon links:

Book a FREE 40-MIN consultation: https://calendly.com/ellenmelon/40min

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ellenmelonshow/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/EllenMelonShow

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCL_F0bL0mItXS-jundACwnA

https://www.instagram.com/ellenmelonshow/

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Sources:

Sara Baartman: https://www.sahistory.org.za/people/sara-saartjie-baartman

Mulatto definition in 1850s: https://scholar.harvard.edu/jlhochschild/publications/racial-reorganization-and-united-states-census-1850-1930-mulattoes-half-br

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#14. How sex changes in partnerships for first time parents, genito-pelvic pain, and arousal disorder - with Dr. Natalie Rosen

To Hump A Pillow with Coach Ellen Melon

05/20/20 • 64 min

When you enter parenthood for the first time, your duo relationship becomes a trio and everything is new. That’s what our guest is going to be talking about today. In this episode, Dr. Natalie Rosen joins us from Hallifax to discuss how sex changes in partnerships with first time parents, taking a deep dive into her resource called; Post Baby Hanky Panky. She will also be telling us about her other areas of research: genito-pelvic pain; low libido, arousal disorder, vulva shaming, and a few other hard-to-discuss-things around sex for people with vulvas. If you’re about to become a first-time parent, this episode is for you.

Interesting in working with a Sex & Relationship Coach? Apply for 1on1 coaching with me: Fill out this 10 question form.

Ellen Melon Social Media links:

https://twitter.com/EllenMelonShow

https://www.facebook.com/ellenmelonshow

www.ellenmelon.com

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Find Dr. Natalie Rosen on social media:

Facebook: www.facebook/rosenlab

Twitter: @rosenlab; @drnatalierosen

Instagram: @cashlab

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Resources we discussed:

http://postbabyhankypanky.com/

https://natalieorosen.com/

TIPS: Postpartum sexuality resources and tips for better sexual communication:

https://natalieorosen.com/sexual-health/postpartumresources/

#postbabyhankypanky Video Launch Event at the Halifax Central Library on February 12th 2018 where multiple licensed professionals talk about tall things post-baby: https://www.facebook.com/rosenlab/videos/732439300288395/

The Vagina Bible by Dr. Jen Gunter: https://drjengunter.com/

I'll Show You Mine by Wrenna Robertson: https://www.amazon.com/Show-Mine-Wrenna-Robertson-editor/dp/0986803405

The Vulva Gallery — Find on Instagram or www.vulvagallery.com

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#1. What does having HIV mean? - with Jon King

To Hump A Pillow with Coach Ellen Melon

12/13/19 • 42 min

The debut of To Hump A Pillow with Ellen Melon! During this first episode, Ellen sits down with Minneapolis-based muralist and hand-letterer extraordinaire, Jon King. They discuss his upbringing as part of a large family living in rural Wisconsin, how sex-education was addressed while being home schooled, and coming out as queer in his 20s and a brief discussion on being in the gender binary. Finally, his story of contracting HIV and what it means to live with HIV.

Thank you Jon King for your honesty and vulnerability during this session.

For resources on HIV:

JustUs: To lead the work to achieve health equity for diverse gender, sexual, and cultural communities. https://www.justushealth.org/

Aliveness Project (founded as a community center for and driven by people living with HIV.) https://aliveness.org/

Red Door: Sexual Healthcare for all. https://www.reddoorclinic.org/hiv

Find Jon King:

Website: http://thegingbeard.com/ or Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jonthegingbeard/

Ellen Melon links:

https://www.instagram.com/ellenmelonshow/

https://twitter.com/EllenMelonShow

https://www.facebook.com/ellenmelonshow

www.ellenmelon.com

#64: How to talk about money, finances, spending habits - Relationship Series Part 2 with Mike and Ellen Melon

To Hump A Pillow with Coach Ellen Melon

11/15/23 • 50 min

Dear listeners, pardon my absence! After taking a year off of the podcast, being pregnant, buying a house, having a baby, getting engaged, I am back and ready to share some new content on the podcast.

This season on To Hump a Pillow, I invite my fiance Mike to the podcast in a 7-Episode Relationship Series to discuss challenging conversations that occur in couple-hood. We'll deep-dive into 7 deliciously uncomfortable topics:

How to talk about envious and jealous feelings
How to talk about money and finances, spending habits
Sex life - how it's changed over our relationship and how to ask for what you need
On taking things too personally
Maintaining individualism and ensuring alone time
Day to day compromising
Coparenting in a blended family

In this episode, Mike and I discuss difficult feelings and values around money, like:

Money mindset
How money was discussed in our homes, upbringing
Our challenges with talking about money
As a woman, making my own money to be able to make empowered decisions
Spending money seperately, together, and on large purchases

For questions regarding this topic, please email [email protected]

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For more info on 1-on-1 coaching program:

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Coach Ellen Melon links:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ellenmelonshow/

#63: How to talk about jealousy and envy - Relationship Series Part 1 with Mike and Ellen Melon

To Hump A Pillow with Coach Ellen Melon

10/11/23 • 47 min

How to talk about envious and jealous feelings
How to talk about money and finances
Sex life - how it's changed over our relationship and how to ask for what you need
On taking things too personally
Maintaining individualism and ensuring alone time
Day to day compromising
Coparenting in a blended family

In this episode, Mike and I discuss difficult feelings around envy and jealousy. We'll discuss:

dating and setting the expectation that it’s okay to talk about previous relationships within boundaries
the difference between jealousy and envy and personal examples of how to navigate those feeling in our relationship when it comes up
how jealousy and envy feel in the body (body mapping excercise) so that we know when it comes up

For questions regarding jealousy and envy in your life, please email questions to [email protected]

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For more info on 1-on-1 coaching program:

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Coach Ellen Melon links:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ellenmelonshow/

#62. How to find a place for grief - with Coach Ellen Melon

To Hump A Pillow with Coach Ellen Melon

10/26/22 • 53 min

How do you integrate painful losses into your life while living?

Grief is something we in the United States are known to do poorly. Perhaps it's the European decent that curved our culture's inability to feel feelings, perhaps it's industrial era-based where we learned that there's no time in our 40 hour work week to sit with grief, or perhaps our modern day fear machines (the media) have signaled to our bodies, 'It's not safe here - eject from your body.'

Whatever got us here, grief is an important part of our learning to be resilient and self-compassionate. And it's part of the human contract with life — As Dr Susan David says, “Discomfort is the price of admission to meaningful life.”

In this episode, I provide some education and philosophy on grief, the definitions, different types of grief. I also share about my year-long season of grief, showcasing how I found a place for grief, having successfully learned how to do it and how to integrate it.

Grief is something we must all feel and move through in order to have the highest level of relationships with people we connect with and love. For, it is in our relationship to the self that we treat and extend to others.

For more info on the Remember Your Worth coaching program:

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Coach Ellen Melon links:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ellenmelonshow/

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#61. What does sex & relationship coaching look like - with former client Addison

To Hump A Pillow with Coach Ellen Melon

09/28/22 • 69 min

In this episode we get to hear from a former client on his experience working with a sex and relationship coach. Addison and I worked for 4 months together back in January, meeting every 2 weeks via Zoom. Listen to the challenges he overcame in this episode.

I’m a coach who specializes in working with people pleasers, codependents, and people with anxious-attachement styles.

If you are someone who identifies with those labels, some challenges you might be having are...

Being angry and blamey — sick of playing the victim and ready to stop being so judgemental all the time
Tired of seeking external validation, or tired of being a person who gets into relationships and says, “okay how can I mold myself so this person likes me”
Fixated on every little thing — your perfectionism gets in the way of you living life because you’re so busy hustling for worthiness and what you produce
How much control you need to have on everything, all the time and it’s ruining your life and relationships
Tired of leaning on coping mechanisms- ways in which you numb out, like emotional eating, netflix bingeing, shopping, drugs and alcohol
Tired of the harsh and critical voice inside your head that’s hating on you all the time

If this sounds like you, it’s time to remember your worth. It’s time to cultivate happiness, authenticity, and self compassion, because my dear you have been performing what you think everyone else wants you to be and have lost your truest self and desires. Let’s call your authentic self back shall we?

For more info on the Remember Your Worth coaching program:

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Coach Ellen Melon links:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ellenmelonshow/