TILT Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children

We’ve talked a lot about advocating for our children on the show, but today, we are adding the additional consideration of race to the conversation, because we know that families raising differently-wired kids of color experience additional roadblocks when it comes to getting support in all kinds of environments, fostering empowering neurodivergent identities and much more. My guests for this rich conversation are Jaya Ramesh and Priya Saaral, authors of the brand new book Parenting at the Intersections: Raising Neurodivergent Children of Color.

They came to this big through their lived experience as neurodivergent moms raising neurodivergent kids in this intersection of race, identity, and disability. Jaya is a psychotherapist in private practice specializing in supporting BIPOC neurodivergent individuals and couples in having more authentic relationships. And Priya is a play therapist and a parenting coach specializing in the emotional well-being of neurodivergent children and parents.

Parenting at the Intersections is a wonderful book, and I did my best to explore some of the concepts they thoughtfully write about, including how parenting at the intersections involves navigating multiple marginalized identities and systems of oppression, why identity development is a complex process for children at the intersections, how parents can create conditions for their kids to be seen and respected, and the ways in which advocating for kids in the education system requires awareness of rights, documentation, and support from organizations and advocates.

About Jaya Ramesh

Jaya Ramesh, MA LMHC, is a psychotherapist in private practice in the greater Seattle area, specializing in supporting BIPOC neurodivergent individuals and couples in having more authentic relationships. She also supports organizations in creating an anti-racist culture in the workplace.

About Priya Saaral

Priya Saaral, MSW, LICSW, RPT-S is a neurodivergent mama, a play therapist, and a parenting coach in the Greater Seattle area, specializing in the emotional well-being of neurodivergent children and parents by helping them reconnect to their playful spirit amidst personal and structural adversity

Things you'll learn:

• How parenting at the intersections involves navigating multiple marginalized identities and systems of oppression
• Why identity development is a complex process for children at the intersections, and how parents can create conditions for their kids to be seen and respected
• The ways in which advocating for kids in the education system requires awareness of rights, documentation, and support from organizations and advocates.
• How unschooling can be a form of resistance in the context of raising neurodivergent children of color.
• How parents who aren't raising children of color can still benefit from learning about the experiences and challenges faced by these families.
• Why community support is crucial in mitigating the loneliness and providing understanding for parents raising neurodivergent children of color.

Resources mentioned:

• Parenting at the Intersections: Raising Neurodivergent Children of Color by Jaya Ramesh and Priya Saaral
• Website for Parenting at the Intersections
• Parenting at the Intersections on Instagram
• Jaya on Instagram
• Priya on Instagram
• Jaya on Linkedin
• Cheryl Poe and Advocating 4Kids
• Akilah Richards on Unschooling and Raising Free People (Tilt Parenting Podcast)
• Raising Free People: Unschooling as Liberation and Healing Work by Akilah Richards

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I refer to Dr. Ross Greene’s Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) model in just about every talk I give to a parent community. Dr. Greene’s quote “Kids do well when they can” changed my life when I first read it about 15 years ago, and it remains as powerful today. So I was especially excited to welcome back to the show child psychologist and author Dr. Ross Greene to talk about how his problem solving model can be effectively used with very young children, even infants.

If you are new to CPS, I highly encourage you to go back and listen to our first conversation for the show, where we explored this approach in detail. But in the meantime, in this conversation we delved into why it’s crucial to shift from a compliance-focused approach to one of collaboration and understanding, even starting as early as age two. We also talked about how what we often label as a "difficult baby" is actually an infant struggling to meet our expectations, how using CPS can significantly enhance their well-being, and why we want to question the underlying reasons behind adult concerns — all of these are concept explored in the powerful new documentary, It's Never Too Early: CPS with Very Young Kids.

Ross W. Greene, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and the originator of the innovative, evidence-based approach called Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS), as described in his influential books The Explosive Child, Lost at School, Lost & Found, and Raising Human Beings. He also developed and executive produced the award-winning documentary film The Kids We Lose, released in 2018. Dr. Greene was on the faculty at Harvard Medical School for over 20 years, and is now founding director of the non-profit Lives in the Balance. He is also currently adjunct Professor in the Department of Psychology at Virginia Tech and adjunct Professor in the Faculty of Science at the University of Technology in Sydney, Australia. Dr. Greene has worked with several thousand kids with concerning behaviors and their caregivers, and he and his colleagues have overseen implementation and evaluation of the CPS model in countless schools, inpatient psychiatric units, and residential and juvenile detention facilities, with dramatic effect: significant reductions in recidivism, discipline referrals, detentions, suspensions, and use of restraint and seclusion.

• Never Too Early: CPS with Young Kids (documentary)
• The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children by Dr. Ross Greene
• Lives in the Balance (Dr. Greene’s website)

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In a world overflowing with information and complexity, critical thinking isn't just a useful skill; it's an essential life raft. From navigating complex interactions to making informed decisions, our children need the ability to think critically now more than ever. But what does that really mean? And how can we as parents nurture this skill in our children? I invited author and Brave Writer founder Julie Bogart back to the show to help us answer these questions and to talk about her new book, Becoming a Critical Thinker: A Workbook to Help Students Think Well in an Age of Disinformation.

In this conversation, we got into so many things. And as you’ll hear, I could have talked to Julie for hours. But for this episode, you can expect to hear Julie’s thoughts on how and why we can foster critical thinking in our children, how considering multiple perspectives and incorporating diverse viewpoints leads to better problem-solving, what parents can do to encourage self-awareness, open-mindedness, and curiosity, and much more.

About Julie Bogart

Julie Bogart is known for her common sense parenting and education advice. She’s the author of the beloved book, The Brave Learner, which has brought joy and freedom to countless home educators. Her new book, Raising Critical Thinkers, offers parents a lifeline in navigating the complex digital world our kids are confronting.

Julie’s also the creator of the award-winning, innovative online writing program called Brave Writer, now 22 years old, serving 191 countries. She home educated her five children, who are globe-trotting adults. Today, Julie lives in Cincinnati, Ohio, and can be found sipping a cup of tea while planning her next visit to one of her lifelong-learning kids.

Things you'll learn from this episode

• Why critical thinking is essential to navigate complex issues and make informed decisions
• How considering multiple perspectives and incorporating diverse viewpoints leads to better problem-solving and policy-making
• How parents can play a crucial role in fostering critical thinking skills in their children by encouraging self-awareness, open-mindedness, and curiosity
• Why traditional models of authority and obedience in parenting are being replaced by a more collaborative and respectful approach that values children's reasoning and autonomy
• How the Becoming a Critical Thinker workbook helps students develop skills such as vetting sources, analyzing data, and considering multiple perspectives
• Why engaging in perspective-taking and tolerance can help neurodivergent kids deconstruct ideas and accept other points of view

Resources mentioned for Helping Kids Become Critical Thinkers

• Julie Bogart’s Brave Writer website
• Julie Bogart’s Blog at Brave Writer
• Brave Writer Writing Blitz
• Brave Writer Podcast
• Becoming a Critical Thinker: A Workbook to Help Students Think Well in an Age of Disinformation by Julie Bogart
• Raising Critical Thinkers: A Parents’ Guide to Growing Wise Kids in the Digital Age by Julie Bogart
• The Brave Learner: Finding Everyday Magic in Homeschool, Learning, and Life by Julie Bogart
• Julie Bogart on Instagram
• Julie Bogart on Facebook
• Julie Bogart on Twitter
• Julie Bogart on Moving Through Writing Resistance for Differently Wired Kids (Tilt Parenting podcast)
• Herman Kahn
• Noam Chomsky
• The Vow (HBO Documentary series)
• Killing Us Softly documentary (Jean Kilborne)

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In this episode of the TiLT Parenting Podcast, I’m bringing back a previous guest, executive functioning coach Seth Perler, for a two-part series in which Seth shares with us the exact approach he uses with students he works with when helping them foster their fledgling executive functioning skills.

I first had Seth on the show last fall, where he gave us an introduction to executive functioning, but we didn’t get to the more practical strategies that I know so many of us are looking for. So I asked Seth to come back on, and that conversation turned into an hour-and-a-half long sharing by Seth of truly valuable tips and strategies and insights. Because Seth shares so very much over the course of these ninety or so minutes, I wanted to split our conversation into two parts. So this episode is part one of what I’m now referring to as a “Masterclass in Executive Functioning.” In this episode, Seth shares with us his protocol for setting up a child for success in their developing executive functioning skills. In part 2 next week, Seth will go in-depth into his specific strategies surrounding building these skills in school and in life.

Seth Perler is a renegade teacher turned Executive Function Coach/Education Coach who is based in Santa Monica, CA and Boulder, CO. He helps struggling students navigate a crazy educational landscape and does his part to “disrupt” and improve education. Seth specializes in Executive Function and 2e. Find out more at sethperler.com.

THINGS YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE:

• Seth’s definition of executive functioning framed so it helps people apply the principles to help kids
• A step-by-step breakdown of exactly how Seth works with families
• Why our relationship with our child is the number one thing to be preserved when doing this work
• The importance of parents doing their own personal work / self-care during this process
• Why kids “can’t do what we’re asking them to do because they can’t, not because they won’t,” so we need to back up and scaffold from where they’re at
• The role of mindfulness, mindset, and motivation
• Why symptoms are more important than labels
• Why it’s critical to understand the role of emotional regulation in executive functioning
• How we as parents can co-regulate our emotions with our child
• Why we want to focus on 3 positives for every 1 negative

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

• Seth Perler’s website
• A Conversation with Executive Functioning Coach Seth Perler (original podcast episode)
• Seth’s Executive Functioning Assessment
• Dr. Gail Saltz Talks About the Power of Different (podcast episode)
• Carol Dweck and Mindset

Connect with Tilt Parenting

• Visit Tilt Parenting
• Take the free 7-Day Challenge
• Read a chapter of Differently Wired
• Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram

Video game researcher Dr. Rachel Kowert talks about the impact of video games in differently-wired kids' lives and busts some myths about the potential harms and benefits of gaming.

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