TPP 388: Yshai Boussi on Polyvagal and Supporting Connected Relationships with Teens

I’m extremely interested in Dr. Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal theory and the context it offers for understanding the nervous system experience of our kids. So I was especially interested when my guest’s book, Staying Connected With Your Teen: Polyvagal Parenting Strategies To Reduce Reactivity, Set Limits, and Build Authentic Connection, came onto my radar. Yshai Boussi is the founder of Portland Family Counseling, a therapy practice that specializes in helping children, adolescents, families, and parents. His focus is mentoring at-risk youth, working in residential treatment facilities, and leading intensive experiential workshops for at-risk youth, and he’s adept at applying polyvagal theory to helping parents foster deeper connection and reduce conflict.

In this conversation, we discussed how to build and maintain supportive relationships with teens, the crucial difference between "acceptance" and "agreement" when validating a teen's emotional experience, the power of co-regulation, and how a child's state of regulation affects their "story" and meaning-making about themselves and their experiences. A lot of great takeaways in this one, and I will admit to sending the rough cut to my husband Derin to listen to because I found so much of what we discussed highly relevant — I didn’t want to wait!

About Yshai Boussi

Yshai Boussi is a Licensed Professional Counselor and has been working with youth and families for over 20 years. He is the founder of Portland Family Counseling, a therapy practice that specializes in helping children, adolescents, families and parents. His experience includes mentoring at risk youth, working in residential treatment facilities and leading intensive experiential workshops for at risk youth. As a systems trained family therapist since 2003, Yshai has worked extensively in community mental health settings as well as private practice. In addition to working professionally, he and his wife Mariah (also a therapist) are proud parents of a 15 year-old daughter, 12 year-old son, and adult foster son. Yshai is the author of the newly released book, Staying Connected With Your Teen: Polyvagal Parenting Strategies To Reduce Reactivity, Set Limits, and Build Authentic Connection.

Things you'll learn from this episode

• Why today’s teens feel so disconnected and lonely
• How P.A.C.E. (Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, Empathy) is the “attitude of connection” when it comes to engaging with teenagers
• What the difference between “acceptance” and “agreement” is when it comes to validating a teen’s emotional experience
• What the Polyvagal Theory is and awareness of its role can help us understand and better support struggling adolescents
• Why a child's state of regulation in any given moment affects their “story” and meaning-making about themselves and their experiences
• Why one of the most powerful things an adult can do for a teenager is to co-regulate

Resources mentioned for:

• Yshai Boussi’s website
• Staying Connected With Your Teen: Polyvagal Parenting Strategies To Reduce Reactivity, Set Limits, and Build Authentic Connection by Yshai Boussi
• Yshai Boussi on Instagram
• Deb Dana’s website, Rhythm of Regulation
• Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory by Deb Dana
• Deb Dana on Befriending Our Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory (podcast episode)
• Dr. John Duffy’s website
• Parenting the New Teen in the Age of Anxiety: A Complete Guide to Your Child’s Stressed, Depressed, Expanded, Amazing Adolescence by Dr. John Duffy
• Parenting the New Teen in the Age of Anxiety, with Dr. John Duffy (podcast episode)
• Dr. Daniel Hughes and PACE
• Revelations in Education, Dr. Lori Desautel’s website
• Intentional Neuroplasticity: Our Educational Journey Towards Post Traumatic Growth by Dr. Lori Desautels

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