Forgiveness or Fury: Finding a Way Forward
02/17/22 • 86 min
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Forgiveness has long been the province of morality, virtue, and religious values. Psychologically, forgiveness requires the capacity to hold both the magnitude of the injury and the humanity of the injurer. There are doable steps toward this goal, beginning with acknowledging and mourning the wrong yet forgoing retaliation. Righteousness and anger provide only illusory power and can be chronic and corrosive.
Blame can thwart our ability to understand unconscious personal dynamics and prevent acceptance of universal human flaws and vulnerability. We can accept apology and remorse—especially if it has been accompanied by introspection and greater self-understanding. Forgiveness is less about the other than it is about liberation from victimization. Even when we can’t solve a problem with another, we can increase our inner resources and enlarge our hearts.
Here’s the dream we analyze:
“I was a shepherd carrying a sheep that had been born, but it was obvious it was not going to live. I was taking it to a pond to drown it, to put it out of its misery—but I knew this was actually an act of love. The pond was in a Botticelli ‘Elysian field’-like environment, and most of the water of the pond was frozen over—so much, so a horse was slipping around on the surface. There were other birds and animals all around me, like a Botticelli painting.”
REFERENCES:
Robert Karen. The Forgiving Self: The Road from Resentment to Connection. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0385488742/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_51MKHP5J0RNCC401GZDN
Edward Tick: Warrior’s Return: Restoring the Soul After War. https://www.amazon.com/dp/1622032004/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_CXPVMY2VVQBS66JD3T52
Hannah Arendt. The Human Condition. https://www.amazon.com/dp/022658660X/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_JNEGRBZWC01ND6MCKY5X
The Forgiveness Project. https://www.theforgivenessproject.com/
Robert Enright. The International Forgiveness Institute. https://internationalforgiveness.com/
Desmond Tutu. Truth and Reconciliation Commission. https://www.britannica.com/topic/Truth-and-Reconciliation-Commission-South-Africa
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Forgiveness has long been the province of morality, virtue, and religious values. Psychologically, forgiveness requires the capacity to hold both the magnitude of the injury and the humanity of the injurer. There are doable steps toward this goal, beginning with acknowledging and mourning the wrong yet forgoing retaliation. Righteousness and anger provide only illusory power and can be chronic and corrosive.
Blame can thwart our ability to understand unconscious personal dynamics and prevent acceptance of universal human flaws and vulnerability. We can accept apology and remorse—especially if it has been accompanied by introspection and greater self-understanding. Forgiveness is less about the other than it is about liberation from victimization. Even when we can’t solve a problem with another, we can increase our inner resources and enlarge our hearts.
Here’s the dream we analyze:
“I was a shepherd carrying a sheep that had been born, but it was obvious it was not going to live. I was taking it to a pond to drown it, to put it out of its misery—but I knew this was actually an act of love. The pond was in a Botticelli ‘Elysian field’-like environment, and most of the water of the pond was frozen over—so much, so a horse was slipping around on the surface. There were other birds and animals all around me, like a Botticelli painting.”
REFERENCES:
Robert Karen. The Forgiving Self: The Road from Resentment to Connection. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0385488742/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_51MKHP5J0RNCC401GZDN
Edward Tick: Warrior’s Return: Restoring the Soul After War. https://www.amazon.com/dp/1622032004/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_CXPVMY2VVQBS66JD3T52
Hannah Arendt. The Human Condition. https://www.amazon.com/dp/022658660X/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_JNEGRBZWC01ND6MCKY5X
The Forgiveness Project. https://www.theforgivenessproject.com/
Robert Enright. The International Forgiveness Institute. https://internationalforgiveness.com/
Desmond Tutu. Truth and Reconciliation Commission. https://www.britannica.com/topic/Truth-and-Reconciliation-Commission-South-Africa
LOOK & GROW
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WE NEED YOUR HELP! Become a patron to keep TJL running.
Lisa’s leading a retreat in ITALY!
We've got totally NEW MERCH!
If you’ve been struggling in the dark trying to find the keys to unlock your dreams, help has arrived. Order your copy of Dream Wise: Unlocking the Meaning of Your Dreams from the hosts of This Jungian Life podcast and open the secret door.
Previous Episode
DUPED: What Makes Us Gullible?
Jung says, “The more one turns to the light, the greater the shadow behind one’s back.” Unacknowledged shadow can increase vulnerability to coercive dealings and regrettable decisions. We may find ourselves scammed, ripped off, and left holding the bag. Why didn’t we see it coming? Mostly because our denied fears and desires create blind spots others manipulate. Advertisers, hucksters, and con men prey on our fear of danger and disapproval and our quest for security and status. Gullibility is marked by misplaced trust and willful witlessness. We may not pause to reflect, research a decision, or seek neutral counsel. It is often relieving to trust an external authority rather than bear the anxiety and responsibility of choosing. When we fail to see our own shadow, we may be unable to recognize it in others.
LOOK & GROW
Join THIS JUNGIAN LIFE DREAM SCHOOL
Do you have a topic you want us to cover?
WE NEED YOUR HELP! Become a patron to keep TJL running.
Lisa’s leading a retreat in ITALY!
We've got totally NEW MERCH!
If you’ve been struggling in the dark trying to find the keys to unlock your dreams, help has arrived. Order your copy of Dream Wise: Unlocking the Meaning of Your Dreams from the hosts of This Jungian Life podcast and open the secret door.
Next Episode
Special Re-release: The Archetype of War
Recent events in Ukraine have again put war at the forefront of collective consciousness. War’s destruction belongs to the mythic realm. Mars, the Roman god of war, was a primordial force whose altars were placed outside city gates. Although acknowledged, he was not accepted. His paramour, Venus, is warfare’s seductress, offering spectacle, pageantry, and glory.
Like all the gods of Mt. Olympus, Mars and Venus live in us as opposing forces of aggression and eros. We are charged with holding the tension of these impassioned opposites and making them conscious, lest we project shadow onto designated enemies or wage war internally as neurosis. We can stand in the complexity of conflict, suspend action, and allow the gods a place inside our psychic city gates.
Here’s the dream we analyze:
“I had a dream me and my boyfriend adopted a child and were living in a rundown apartment full of darkness that resembled a studio we rehearsed in. Then we went to the balcony to watch missiles falling and exploding in the sky; my boyfriend was aloof to the situation. My first thought was, “this must be very exciting for the child because it’s like fireworks,” Then I realized that it’s actually really dangerous and life-threatening, so I grabbed the child and ran inside, leaving my boyfriend outside gazing at the sky. The room was pitch dark, and I could hear the voices of my mother and my brother talking about me; they were saying, “how is the baby going to survive without a shell”? Then I realized the kid has turned into a round egg in the palm of my hand, and the shell was dissolving like wet paper, leaving a bubble of fragile liquid with a fetus inside. I knew that any sudden movement could burst the bubble and kill the baby, so I tried to be as gentle and careful as I could.”
REFERENCES:
A Terrible Love of War by James Hillman. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143034928/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_46A683TF2489P8WNSC8Y
Depth Psychology and a New Ethic by Erich Neumann. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0877735719/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_7W8QHPPGHMJ6SJ6RYS9R
The Moral Equivalent of War by William James. https://www.amazon.com/dp/1445529866/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_JF75M92ZS5N96ST1M49G
A Story Waiting to Pierce You by Peter Kingsley. https://www.amazon.com/dp/1890350214/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_BHEFTMVSZCJ6JF0X86N7
A Hero with a Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01M2YED0C/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_KGW7PQX1J4DH4WB2HQCF
LOOK & GROW
Join THIS JUNGIAN LIFE DREAM SCHOOL
Do you have a topic you want us to cover?
WE NEED YOUR HELP! Become a patron to keep TJL running.
Lisa’s leading a retreat in ITALY!
We've got totally NEW MERCH!
If you’ve been struggling in the dark trying to find the keys to unlock your dreams, help has arrived. Order your copy of Dream Wise: Unlocking the Meaning of Your Dreams from the hosts of This Jungian Life podcast and open the secret door.
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