Think Queerly
Darren Stehle
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Top 10 Think Queerly Episodes
Goodpods has curated a list of the 10 best Think Queerly episodes, ranked by the number of listens and likes each episode have garnered from our listeners. If you are listening to Think Queerly for the first time, there's no better place to start than with one of these standout episodes. If you are a fan of the show, vote for your favorite Think Queerly episode by adding your comments to the episode page.
05/09/20 • 22 min
COVID-19 reveals how some things change while others become more apparent
The biggest challenge lately has been what some are calling, moral fatigue, which is our experience of having to make one too many morally challenging decisions. This is showing up during the pandemic as the personal responsibility and respect we have for front-line workers, paying attention to adequate physical distancing, making sure that we minimize how often we go out to all the places we used to go to without a second thought, and so on.
It's Normal to Feel Overwhelmed...
But in this challenging time of uncertainty with the COVID-19 pandemic — including having to stay at home, physical distancing protocols, economic instability, and existential worry — what can you do to improve your state of mind when you feel like you have no control, or when you feel stressed out with uncertainty? How can you shift your focus to a better future vision, one that you want to create for yourself, and one that you can imagine happening?
I have created two coaching exercise episodes that can specifically help with overwhelm. The first is, “What’s Out of Your Control, Right Now?” and the second, “4 Questions to Determine What You Need to Let Go Of.” Both episodes are available exclusively to Think Queerly VIQ Members.
Think More Deeply...
- Who Do You Want to Be During the COVID-19 Pandemic?
- If Ever There Were a Time to Tell The Truth...
- Timeless Wisdom in a Pandemic: Give Up the Need for Control
- A Novel Pandemic — How a Virus Could Unite Humity
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10/31/19 • 23 min
Blaming LGBTQ and People of Colour for the ills of the world demonstrates ignorance and a lack of critical thinking skills.
This morning I read a tweet by someone I follow referencing Tucker Carlson and another right-wing pundit blaming the forest fires in Los Angeles on diversity programs and LGBTQ people:
I had to ask myself, why. Why do people think like this? What is the cause of this? I realized it is nothing more complicated than the various stages of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. I think the core issues that are bothering people are a lack of control and a lack of belonging; specifically, how do I feel safe, secure, supported, loved, and respected.
In this episode I discuss:
- When you feel like you have no control over your ability to earn enough income to keep a roof over your head, or when you feel like you have no control of your physical safety as an LGBTQ person, what is life like for you?
- Why belonging is a far more complex issue but still has connections to a lack of control.
- Why the practice in seeking first to understand before reacting is very challenging.
- How you can challenge yourself to be the change you want to see in the world.
Read the complete post: "The Need for Control and Belonging: The Zeitgeist of Social Media."
Support The Way of Queer Leadership.
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07/25/18 • 30 min
Something I learned about myself some time ago, was how gay shame was holding me back and limiting my success. I was afraid of other people’s options of me.
For many gay men it’s challenging to feel good enough, to feel like we belong, and to feel equal within society. Not feeling good enough started in my childhood, as it does for anyone who feels “different” (as I did) at a very early age. I felt isolated and rejected by my peers, which had a profound affect on my emotional, intellectual, and psychological development.
By trying to fit in and not draw attention to myself as a gay man, I had to hide away parts of myself. Gay shame reared its ugly head later in life when I realized I was afraid of my own success – I was afraid of being visible.
What an interesting paradox! On the one hand I wasn’t afraid of being in the public eye, but on the other, years of adolescent shame about being gay was the impetus for self-sabotage.
Helpful links:
- The Velvet Rage by Alan Downs
- Why I’m Not Good Enough: My Dirty Gay Secret
- If You’re a Gay Man, Are You Good Enough?
Living OUT theme music: “Summer” by Bensound.com
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07/03/24 • 10 min
With so many extreme challenges and divisive political polarization in the world, we need to think logically and broadly to understand the complexities of the challenge and find an ethical and humane path forward to solve these problems while respecting human dignity.
07/04/19 • 24 min
If there was no prejudice against LGBTQ people, we wouldn’t need to hold Pride parades all over the world during Pride month in June.
We would be part of every day “straight pride”, which is the freedom to walk out and about without ever having the concern about your gender or sexual identity coming into question.
Protests change in size, meaning, and voracity.
To celebrate Pride – to revel openly as who we are, in public out on the streets, holding hands with the person we love, kissing our same-sex partner, making out with our trans lover, dancing in the ecstasy of the freedom of a single day surrounded by our “people” – is not only an act of celebration, but a public display and affirmation that we are here, we are queer, and we require/desire the same rights and freedoms as everyone else.
That in itself is a powerful statement, and while most large North American Pride celebrations might not look like a protest, I argue that they are – albeit for the most part peaceful and celebratory. Pride make a statement about the state of LGBTQ people because of its very existence.
How do we reclaim what Pride originally stood for?
The Reclaim Pride Coalition answered that vital question with an alternative march to this year’s Stonewall50 and World Pride Parade in New York City, June 2019. According to their “Why We March” statement,
“We March in our communities’ tradition of resistance against police, state, and societal oppression, a tradition that is epitomized and symbolized by the 1969 Stonewall Rebellion.”
In episode 89, I shared Why Black Lives Matters was right, that uniformed police have no place at Pride, because of the history of violence and oppression by police forces against our community that is visually represented and triggered by the uniform.
On the question of the commercialization of Pride – something I discussed with Jeffry Iovannone in, “Deconstructing the Myth of Stonewall and its Influence on Mainstream Society – LOP091” – the Reclaim Pride Coalition continues with,
“We March against the exploitation of our communities for profit and against corporate and state pinkwashing, as displayed in Pride celebrations worldwide, including the NYC Pride Parade.”
“Denial of equality is immoral.”
As queer people we need to work together for the rights of all – against ideologies, restrictive and fundamentalist religions, racism, sexism, and all forms of prejudice. What hurts us, hurts other, and vice versa. Equality for some is not equality at all.
When we celebrate, we marginalize.
There will always be someone left our of our Pride celebrations. When we celebrate, without historical memory of where Pride came from, we risk marginalizing members of our LGTBQ collective. As much freedom as we feel we may have gained, we still don’t have humane rights for all – we only have human rights, which can be taken away by whoever is in power.
“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”Wayne dyer
Know your history. Know why you chose to celebrate or party. Is it time for you to stand up and reclaim your pride?
Resources
Pride parade brings 'electric' vibe to Toronto's streets SundayChief says police would have deployed differently if they were welcome at PrideCommunity over hate: We must all stand up for our shared valuesStonewall 50: The Revolution, a four-episode documentary centred on the historic 1969 Stonewall uprising, which explores the past, present and future of the LGBTQ rights movement. I Don’t Need Your Queer Litmus TestFinding God in Pride50 Years of Stonewall: Pride and VigilanceAn American Blueprint or How to Achieve Flying Pride in Your CityWhat is a “Pride Body”?
Image credit: Mary Crandall
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06/12/19 • 17 min
Why Saying “I Can’t” or “No” Won’t Help Change Your Behaviour
Some time ago I was following up with a coaching client about his challenge of saying “Yes” to too many opportunities. He was getting bogged down in commitments which were distracting from what was most important in his life and career. He felt very uncomfortable saying "no" to someone who asked for his help or advice – which on the one hand is a compliment – but on the other hand, he needed to say “yes” to his own needs, before anyone else.
I’ve spoken about this before in the episode, Saying Yes to Everything Will Get You Nothing You Want – LOP068. I wrote,
Say YES to get your own needs met first. Say YES to what you love about yourself that makes you feel that you are enough. Find ways to say YES to yourself first, when others are used to you saying YES to what they want.
My client and I discussed how to deal with the short term discomfort of saying “no”, versus the long-term regret of saying “yes” to an opportunity or a request for help. It can feel easier and less emotional to say “yes” to someone; they won’t feel bad, upset, or disappointed – if that even bothers them at all. But if you commit to something you don’t want to do or don’t have enough time to do well, you will feel the pain of regret; of having not been able to bear the discomfort of saying, “no”.
Shortly after our exchange, I read a helpful article on the more successful outcome of saying, “I don’t” versus “I can’t” or “No”. In The Simple Neuroscience Of Saying No, Dax Moy explains why saying, “I don’t” is more powerful in the mind.
“I don’t” is a form of self-definition.
Saying, “No” is the other side of saying, “yes” and saying, “I can’t” potentiates self-judgement, weakness, limitation, and denial of something you still believe you want.
While this article is written about the choices you make for yourself, we can expand the use of, “I don’t” into social, academic, or work environments when you face the immediate pressure of someone asking you directly for your help or involvement.
In my client’s case, I suggested what we have previously discussed: know your schedule, your current commitments, and what matters most to you. With that knowledge, practice knowing and feeling what you “don’t do” or “don’t have time for”.
A mentioned in Moy’s article, simple is best. No detailed explanations are required. For example, “Hey Randal, I think you’d be a valuable addition to our board of directors. We just lost a member and we all want you to take her seat.” To which you could respond, “Thanks for thinking of me. I don’t have the time to help this year.” Then change the subject, perhaps asking about their next project or something that immediately deflects into another discussion.
To what have you been saying, "I can't" in your life? How different would that feel for you to instead declare what you “don’t” do?
Image credit: "Don't" by Paul Sableman
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06/19/19 • 121 min
A Living OUT Leadership Interview with Jeff Iovannone and Ken Gault
In this special "Pride" episode, we discuss the “Stonewall origin myth” and why the mainstream assumption that “gay liberation” started with Stonewall is both problematic and harmful.
According to Jeffry Iovannone, one of the two commentators on this episode,
“The danger of the Stonewall myth [...] lies in the fact that it has become not only one story LGBTQ people tell about themselves, but the story we tell about ourselves. Stonewall is not just a narrative, but a meta-narrative: a totalizing account regarded as a universal truth that excludes other narrative threads and possibilities.”Source
Ken Gault – our "Gay Elder" commentator this episode – was born in 1951 and has the lived experience of growing up in the time preceding the singular event known as the Stonewall riots. He remembers going out to the bars before 1969 and seeing people who were happy to be among others like themselves. Surprisingly, Gault didn’t hear about the riots until five years after the event. So what does that tell us about how Stonewall has been configured in our collective psyche as a “tipping point” in our LGBTQ history?
We move through history, not to discuss the events of Stonewall themselves, but to better understand all the other layers of history that have brought us to this point in time. We consider the origins of what we call Pride today, the examples of bravery, empathy, and the human strength of those who fought, gave care, and died during the AIDS crisis, what we have fought for over the past 50 years, the commodification and commercialization of LGBTQ Pride, the issues of privilege, visibility, the ignorance of history, and police at Pride.
Speaker Bios
For over 50 years, Ken Gault has been an active participant, observer and raconteur in the gay communities of Montreal, Baltimore and New York: the turmoil of the ’60s and Stonewall, the excesses of the 70s, the harsh realities of the 80s, miracles of the 90s. And this millennium: a new beginning or business as usual, political power or personal growth? Stay tuned, “GUncle” Ken explains it all for you. Follow Ken on Medium where he pens his “On This Day” series at Th-Ink Queerly and on Facebook.
Jeff Iovannone is an activist-scholar, writer, educator, and researcher from Buffalo, New York who holds a Ph.D. in American Studies and specializes in gender and LGBTQ studies. He is the creator of the blog Queer History for the People, a columnist for Th-Ink Queerly, a member of the Buffalo-Niagara LGBTQ History Project, and is a founding member of Body Liberated Buffalo, a volunteer-run activist and advocacy group that works for body liberation in Western New York. He first appeared on the Living OUT Podcast in, Jeffry Iovannone: Deconstructing the Ideal Gay Male Body – LOP077.
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References
Stonewall Was Not the Beginning of the Gay Rights MovementThe Participation of Uniformed Police at Toronto Pride in 2019 – LOP089Pride: Party, Protest, Or Both? – LOP004Pride: Should We Party, Protest Or Both?Gay Men and The New Way Forward by Raymond Rigoglioso
Image credit: yosoynuts
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05/20/19 • 49 min
Inside Out is a not-for-profit registered charity that exists to challenge attitudes and change lives through the promotion, production and exhibition of film made by and about lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans (LGBT) people of all ages, races and abilities.
For more than two decades, Inside Out has brought Toronto's LGBT community together in celebration of the best queer film from Canada and around the world.
In 1985, I saw my first “gay” film at TIFF (The Toronto International Film Festival), “No Sad Songs”, a Canada documentary film directed by Nik Sheehan. I had come out the year before, in the summer of 1984, not yet 18 years old, and months before AIDS got its name.
The film was billed as the first documentary film about the HIV/AIDS crisis, the film explored the LGBT community's early response to the issue through the personal testimony of Jim Black, a man with AIDS who died several months after the film's release, and Catherine Hunt, the sister of another person with AIDS (source). This was the start of my interest in LGBTQ representation in film, and LGBT film festivals.
In today's Living OUT episode, I speak with the Executive Director of Inside OUT, Andria Wilson. We discuss why the Inside Out LGBT film festival is relevant and still necessary, almost 35 years later in 2019.
Inside Out is committed to helping queer creators use their difference to make a difference.
Inside Out supports various community initiatives like New Visions, Pitch, Please!, the RE:Focus Fund, and in November 2018, Inside OUT launched an Online Resources Catalogue aimed at providing support for LGBTQ youth.
Inside Out Toronto LGBT Film Festival
The Festival runs from May 23 to June 2nd. To learn more about Inside OUT, what’s showing at this year’s festival (and watch trailers), or how to become a supporting member, go to https://www.insideout.ca.
Connect with Inside Out
Inside Out Toronto Festival: https://www.insideout.ca/torontofestival/Hashtag: #InsideOut19Twitter: @InsideOutTOInstagram: @insideoutfestivalFacebook: facebook.com/InsideOutFilmFestivalYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/InsideOutToronto
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The INSPIRE Awards with Antoine Elhashem – LOP084
Think Queerly
05/13/19 • 55 min
Living OUT Leadership
Today we are speaking with Antoine Elhashem, the founder of the annual Inspire Awards which honours the most inspiring people, youth, businesses and organizations in the LGBTQ community in the Greater Toronto Area.
Antoine is quite the Renaissance man! He is founder and president of INSPIRE Awards. He is very active in the community and has volunteered for and sat on the board of directors of a number of community organizations. Antoine is the president and publisher of LGBTQ community media INspired Media Inc, which publishes The Pink Pages Directory, theBUZZ, and PInkPlayMags. Antoine is also the host of community talk show, On the Couch which airs in 6 regions across Ontario.
Antoine and I re-connected about two months ago. When I found out what he was up to, I was so inspired by what he’s created that I decided to help out and volunteer by soliciting donations for the silent auction. The INSPIRE Awards are a perfect example of what I call Living OUT Leadership and Antoine is indeed an inspiring force to be reckoned with!
What are the INSPIRE Awards?
INSPIRE Award is a not-for-profit organization with the mission of facilitating the annual awards and inspiring the community. The original founders of the INSPIRE Awards vouched to "inspire the community and bring it together; we will celebrate our past and present heroes so we never forget the work it took and still takes to build a community, and the contributions many make for the betterment of our own community and the world around us at large, and we will encourage living an inspiring life by creating future programs to that effect."
The Awards honours the LGBTQ community in the following categories:
Lifetime Achievement Awards (Two awarded annually)LGBTQ Person of the YearLGBTQ Youth of the YearLGBTQ Positive Business of the YearInspiring Community Organization of the YearLUX Award for the ArtsCharles Roy Award for Activism in HIV/AIDSAccenture LGBTQ Innovator of the Year
Get Your Tickets to the INSPIRE Awards
If you live in or near the Greater Toronto Area, this is an event you don’t want to miss. Let me know if you’re coming because I’ll be there and would love to meet you!
General Admission INCLUDES Courtyard Cocktail Reception with hors d'oeuvres, Gala Awards Presentations and Afterparty $40.00.
VIP Package INCLUDES Patron Status, front row seating, VIP hors d'oeuvres service, 2 complimentary beverages, pre-show performer meet & greet, more. $100.00
Get details and purchase your tickets online for the 9th annual INSPIREawards.ca.
Take care of your community. Take care of one another. We don't see eye-to-eye on everything always, but that should not be a reason not to care and love and protect one another. Antoine Elhashem
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12/09/21 • 65 min
It’s time for something new on the Think Queerly Podcast. I’m excited to bring you what I plan to be a once-a-month feature episode in which I coach one of my clients — raw, unscripted, and unplanned. If you ever wondered how I coach, or what it’s like to be coached, I know you will enjoy these episodes.
This is what you will hear during this IDEAtion Coaching session with Jon Carl Lewis. In him, you will witness a wonderful example of what Human(e) Thought Leadership looks like. Enjoy!
Read the complete show notes here: https://thinkqueerly.com/owning-the-powerful-distinction-its-not-about-me-it-s-about-the-product-b250d0852936
You’re Ready to Make a Positive Impact in 2022!
Discover a counter-intuitive approach to the usual end-of-year review. If you want to make an impact in 2022, discover the core foundations of self-mastery to not only make a difference, but to experience more happiness, contentment, and freedom.
Join me on Wednesday, December 29 at 1:00 PM (EST). For details and to reserve your spot, click here: https://pages.darrenstehle.com/end-of-2021-webinar
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FAQ
How many episodes does Think Queerly have?
Think Queerly currently has 246 episodes available.
What topics does Think Queerly cover?
The podcast is about Identity, Health & Fitness, Happiness, Lgbtq, Inclusion, Personal Development, Podcasts, Self-Improvement, Education, Queer, Diversity, Sexuality, Coaching and Critical Thinking.
What is the most popular episode on Think Queerly?
The episode title 'Pride at Work Canada with Director of Programs, Jade Pichette' is the most popular.
What is the average episode length on Think Queerly?
The average episode length on Think Queerly is 30 minutes.
How often are episodes of Think Queerly released?
Episodes of Think Queerly are typically released every 6 days, 6 hours.
When was the first episode of Think Queerly?
The first episode of Think Queerly was released on Jun 19, 2018.
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