Think Queerly

In today's episode, I discuss the present and observable factors that explain why we respond or react to the stresses, threats, and challenges that this pandemic has brought into our lives:

• How “hedonic tone” affects (and controls) how we feel which affects our nervous system;
• The role of the amygdala (the “reptilian” brain) and how it uses our various senses to read the environment to establish the level of threat or safety to us;
• Why the effects of COVID-19 on society make it challenging to create prediction and response, and thus a feeling of safety and security (low hedonic tone);
• Why we are hard-wired for negativity as a survival mechanism;
• Why there is no such thing as a negative mood or mindset;
• Why good news and good feelings are short-lived and seem to do little to reduce “negativity,” and;
• How we can witness the world to more easily understand and create strategies to “accept things as they are.”

Click here to watch the video.

In times of disruption, how do you make sense of the world?

I have created a short course called, “What’s Out of Your Control, Right Now?” to guide you through the process of understanding the two main aspects of control, i.e. what’s out of your control, and one’s reaction to what’s out of your control. By the end of this course, you will know what you are able to control, which will help you with your peace of mind and being better able to calmly respond instead of reacting.

“What’s Out of Your Control, Right Now?” is exclusively available to Think Queerly VIQ Members.

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COVID-19 reveals how some things change while others become more apparent

The biggest challenge lately has been what some are calling, moral fatigue, which is our experience of having to make one too many morally challenging decisions. This is showing up during the pandemic as the personal responsibility and respect we have for front-line workers, paying attention to adequate physical distancing, making sure that we minimize how often we go out to all the places we used to go to without a second thought, and so on.

It's Normal to Feel Overwhelmed...

But in this challenging time of uncertainty with the COVID-19 pandemic — including having to stay at home, physical distancing protocols, economic instability, and existential worry — what can you do to improve your state of mind when you feel like you have no control, or when you feel stressed out with uncertainty? How can you shift your focus to a better future vision, one that you want to create for yourself, and one that you can imagine happening?

I have created two coaching exercise episodes that can specifically help with overwhelm. The first is, “What’s Out of Your Control, Right Now?” and the second, “4 Questions to Determine What You Need to Let Go Of.” Both episodes are available exclusively to Think Queerly VIQ Members.

Think More Deeply...

• Who Do You Want to Be During the COVID-19 Pandemic?
• If Ever There Were a Time to Tell The Truth...
• Timeless Wisdom in a Pandemic: Give Up the Need for Control
• A Novel Pandemic — How a Virus Could Unite Humity

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Blaming LGBTQ and People of Colour for the ills of the world demonstrates ignorance and a lack of critical thinking skills.

This morning I read a tweet by someone I follow referencing Tucker Carlson and another right-wing pundit blaming the forest fires in Los Angeles on diversity programs and LGBTQ people:

"Tucker Carlson and Dave Rubin Blame California Wildfires on ‘Woke’ Public Utilities Focused on Being Pro-LGBT and Racially Diverse."

I had to ask myself, why. Why do people think like this? What is the cause of this? I realized it is nothing more complicated than the various stages of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. I think the core issues that are bothering people are a lack of control and a lack of belonging; specifically, how do I feel safe, secure, supported, loved, and respected.

In this episode I discuss:

• When you feel like you have no control over your ability to earn enough income to keep a roof over your head, or when you feel like you have no control of your physical safety as an LGBTQ person, what is life like for you?
• Why belonging is a far more complex issue but still has connections to a lack of control.
• Why the practice in seeking first to understand before reacting is very challenging.
• How you can challenge yourself to be the change you want to see in the world.

Read the complete post: "The Need for Control and Belonging: The Zeitgeist of Social Media."

Support The Way of Queer Leadership.

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I'm Darren Stehle — writer, thinker, and personal evolution coach — and this is the Think Queerly Podcast.

A queer perspective is an essential counter-balance that supports a healthy, loving, inclusive, and equitable society. On the show, I explore LGBTQ+ history, social and political issues, and hosts discussions with queer leaders and creators who are making a meaningful difference in the world. There is no "normal" without queerness — both are mutually arising polarities that exist in relation to each other.

In June 2018, I published the first episode of the Living OUT podcast to speak about personal growth and living authentically “out of the closet” and fully embracing the unique perspective and creativity of gay men. I later renamed the podcast to Think Queerly (starting with episode 103) to align with my publication on Medium, ThinkQueerly.com, and to speak more broadly and inclusively about LGBTQ+ issues, and personal leadership.

Over two hundred episodes later, my message has remained grounded in critical thinking, self-awareness, and self-mastery. As I have evolved, so has my thinking, my content, and the show. Over the course COVID-19 pandemic, I started to talk more about human-heartedness and topics that might not have been exactly queer. Thus, as of 2022, I launched a new podcast and blog dedicated to personal evolution, humane leadership, and a virtue philosophy for the common good called, The Way of Human(e) Heartedness. Of course, working to make the world more accepting and equitable for LGBTQ+ people is content you will hear on Think Queerly.

Learn more about who I am at DarrenStehle.com

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Something I learned about myself some time ago, was how gay shame was holding me back and limiting my success. I was afraid of other people’s options of me.

For many gay men it’s challenging to feel good enough, to feel like we belong, and to feel equal within society. Not feeling good enough started in my childhood, as it does for anyone who feels “different” (as I did) at a very early age. I felt isolated and rejected by my peers, which had a profound affect on my emotional, intellectual, and psychological development.

By trying to fit in and not draw attention to myself as a gay man, I had to hide away parts of myself. Gay shame reared its ugly head later in life when I realized I was afraid of my own success – I was afraid of being visible.

What an interesting paradox! On the one hand I wasn’t afraid of being in the public eye, but on the other, years of adolescent shame about being gay was the impetus for self-sabotage.

Helpful links:

• The Velvet Rage by Alan Downs
• Why I’m Not Good Enough: My Dirty Gay Secret
• If You’re a Gay Man, Are You Good Enough?

Living OUT theme music: “Summer” by Bensound.com

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