How Gay Shame Limits Self-Worth and Personal Growth – LOP008

Explicit content warning

07/25/18 • 30 min

Something I learned about myself some time ago, was how gay shame was holding me back and limiting my success. I was afraid of other people’s options of me.

For many gay men it’s challenging to feel good enough, to feel like we belong, and to feel equal within society. Not feeling good enough started in my childhood, as it does for anyone who feels “different” (as I did) at a very early age. I felt isolated and rejected by my peers, which had a profound affect on my emotional, intellectual, and psychological development.

By trying to fit in and not draw attention to myself as a gay man, I had to hide away parts of myself. Gay shame reared its ugly head later in life when I realized I was afraid of my own success – I was afraid of being visible.

What an interesting paradox! On the one hand I wasn’t afraid of being in the public eye, but on the other, years of adolescent shame about being gay was the impetus for self-sabotage.

Helpful links:

Living OUT theme music: “Summer” by Bensound.com

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Something I learned about myself some time ago, was how gay shame was holding me back and limiting my success. I was afraid of other people’s options of me.

What an interesting paradox! On the one hand I wasn’t afraid of being in the public eye, but on the other, years of adolescent shame about being gay was the impetus for self-sabotage.

Helpful links:

Living OUT theme music: “Summer” by Bensound.com

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Previous Episode

How Do We Effectively Respond To So Much Injustice? LOP007

Responding to the Perpetrators who cause pain and injustice

On a daily basis – if you read headline news – there appears to be so much pain and anguish in the world. Often our intrinsic, immediate response to those who make us feel this way is to lash out or bash back.

Is outrage and / or physical violence an appropriate response, and if not, how can we better respond to injustice?

What individual and collective power do we have to make an unjust situation better?

What's been happening over a long time, and what we are witnessing much more of in 2018, is an escalation of corruption, greed, and a complete loss of empathy and morality. We can fight with our fists and we can shout with our words, but that that will only create a greater division and dichotomy between those who believe they are right, and the other side that believes it is right.

This escalation into darkness will not create a humanitarian existence for life on this planet. Somehow we need to take a different approach that reinforces and demonstrates empathy – beyond what the evil-doers of this world have ever witnessed.

Living OUT theme music: “Summer” by Bensound.com

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Next Episode

Questions We Should Be Asking About the Fatal Shooting in Toronto Greektown – LOP009

This past Sunday night, July 22 in Toronto, Faisal Hussain, a 29-year-old resident went on a shooting rampage on a number of Danforth Avenue restaurants. A 10-year-old girl and and and 18-year-old woman were killed, with many more injured in the attack. This is a terrible tragedy and my heart goes out to all those who have lost someone in this and other violent attacks.

The news headlines and the media over the last few days have made it seem like the city of Toronto is falling apart as a result of increased violence. This morning I read an article in The Guardian which made we wonder,

What are the best kinds of questions we should be asking, right now?

In this special episode of the Living OUT Podcast, I discuss why the questions and statements I’ve read and heard people talking about are problematic. For example,

“What’s happening to my city?”, or;
“Can’t believe the city I love is unraveling before my eyes because of the actions of a few sick people,”

These types of questions and statements are not helpful.

The media glorifies these types of questions for sound bites and it makes the news addictive. It shifts our focus into reaction and fear; not response and empathy.

These are redundant or rhetorical questions / statements that keep people stuck in fear and focused on the wrong issues. It allows people to jump to conclusions based on too few details to make any sort of logical judgment about the overall situation.

To get to the truth of what’s happening with respect to this tragedy in Toronto, as well as other similar incidents, we need to ask questions in a different way. We need to,

Ask for insight;
Ask from empathy, and;
Ask in a way that requires an empowering solution as the answer.

I’m not saying this is easy, but...

Better questions to ask about this tragedy are,

“What can we do now?”
“Why do we allow the sale of guns in Canada?”
“How is turning a blind eye to mental health, poverty, and the displacement of individuals making situations like this worse?”

News articles referenced for this episode:

Living OUT theme music: “Summer” by Bensound.com

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.