TSSH 13 - Sorry My Birth Ruined Your Golf Game 🏌️‍♂️⛳️
01/22/20 • 46 min
According to an open, quantitative online research study conducted by the authors for our book, The Fatherless Daughter Project: Understanding Our Losses and Reclaiming Our Lives (Avery, June, 2016), out of approximately 2,000 female respondents between the ages of approximately 15 and 80, of diverse backgrounds, 50% of females identified as fatherless. These women cited a range of reasons that they became fatherless, including parents’ divorce or separation (28%), emotional absence (26%), death (19%), desertion (13%), addiction (13%), abuse (12%), never having met their father (6%) and incarceration (4%). As I evolved into a young adult, these repressed emotions rose to the surface. This lack of understanding of my current emotional reaction to fear of abandonment -- became an over-reaction to everything -- and I always felt guilty, isolated, misunderstood, and out of control. This is where the obvious divide comes for women who have experienced father loss. Life experiences can be post-traumatic triggers that unearth pain hidden since she was a child. Often faced with assuming responsibility at a young age, she grows up more quickly than her peers and develops qualities of self-reliance, leadership and perseverance. The flip side of these positive attributes is that the fatherless daughter can take on far too much herself. Because of taking care of my mother, I developed the tendency to carry burdens for others. I become over-stressed and psychologically taxed. While I developed powerful coping mechanisms, I always put myself last, leading to isolation, loneliness and depression.
Article- How growing up without a dad affects women
Article - What it's like to be a fatherless daughter
John Bradshaw Best selling books
According to an open, quantitative online research study conducted by the authors for our book, The Fatherless Daughter Project: Understanding Our Losses and Reclaiming Our Lives (Avery, June, 2016), out of approximately 2,000 female respondents between the ages of approximately 15 and 80, of diverse backgrounds, 50% of females identified as fatherless. These women cited a range of reasons that they became fatherless, including parents’ divorce or separation (28%), emotional absence (26%), death (19%), desertion (13%), addiction (13%), abuse (12%), never having met their father (6%) and incarceration (4%). As I evolved into a young adult, these repressed emotions rose to the surface. This lack of understanding of my current emotional reaction to fear of abandonment -- became an over-reaction to everything -- and I always felt guilty, isolated, misunderstood, and out of control. This is where the obvious divide comes for women who have experienced father loss. Life experiences can be post-traumatic triggers that unearth pain hidden since she was a child. Often faced with assuming responsibility at a young age, she grows up more quickly than her peers and develops qualities of self-reliance, leadership and perseverance. The flip side of these positive attributes is that the fatherless daughter can take on far too much herself. Because of taking care of my mother, I developed the tendency to carry burdens for others. I become over-stressed and psychologically taxed. While I developed powerful coping mechanisms, I always put myself last, leading to isolation, loneliness and depression.
Article- How growing up without a dad affects women
Article - What it's like to be a fatherless daughter
John Bradshaw Best selling books
Previous Episode
TSSH 12 - ME! What’s yours is MINE! All about ME! Did I mention ME? 👆
Narcissistic mothers do not have children for the same reasons the rest of us do. They do not look forward to the birth of their child because they can’t wait to see what they look like or what type of personality they will have or who they will become. I was conceived for 2 reasons, to keep my Dad from being drafted into the Vietnam war and she wanted more mirrors. Narc moms expect the children to love them unconditionally, but the reverse never happens. They have children to reflect their false images. They have children to use, abuse and control them. They don’t see their role as a mother as life’s biggest gift but rather a burden they didn’t expect. They thought they were creating little “mini-me’s.” They didn’t realize that somewhere around age 2, these human beings (not pieces of property) start to develop their own personalities, interests and desires. For the rest of us, that’s the best part of being a mom — watching our children grow into independent, confident, unique individuals.
Special guest - Lisy from the Found Family Podcast. Her story is incredible. A heart to heart? Girl, on Found Family Podcast - a community of resilient women - we’re connecting SOUL to SOUL. Here you will find a family outside of your “blood family” who really GETS you. Here you will realize that no matter what it is that you’re going through, you are not alone. Here you will have the chance to LEARN more about yourself, DISCOVER new things, and CONNECT with others who are going through the same things you’re going through. Subscribe and tune in every Wednesday!
Next Episode
TSSH 14 - If I Go There Will Be Trouble, And If I Stay It Will Be Double 🎵(The Clash 1982)
If you simply detach and remove yourself from your narcissistic parent without doing your own work, you will not heal. You will not learn authenticity. You will not develop inner peace. Your true self will not surface if you take yourself out of the situation without completing your internal growth. If you don’t place responsibility for the hurt where it belongs — with those who hurt you — you will block growth and false guilt will force you to let a narcissistic parent back into your life every single time
“What’s more important than initiating a break is learning how to be assertive and set limited boundaries when parents are inappropriate, controlling, invasive or abusive.” - DARLENE LANCER, MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPIST
· Low Contact means reserving contact for emergencies and holidays, knowing there will likely be abuse offered. This is like returning to the stove again and again, knowing you will get burned, but deciding the circumstances warrant it. I advise combining this with Protected Contact when possible.
· No Contact means exactly what it says. It’s a decision requiring much thought, exploring with a licensed and qualified mental health professional, and a lot of courage. Our society can be judgmental about this decision and the patient must be prepared for these responses, as well as the feelings of grief that may follow.
https://darlenelancer.com/
https://www.innerintegration.com/
https://rockwall-counseling.com/
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