Episode 313-Beyond the Mask: Discovering Your Patterns of Possibility with Coach Lee Hopkins
06/03/25 • 38 min
What if the key to meaningful connections isn't trying harder to fit in, but learning how to authentically stand out? Coach Lee Hopkins transforms this question into life-changing guidance for late-diagnosed autistic adults struggling with social connections.
Growing up watching sitcoms where problems resolved neatly in 30 minutes, Coach Lee assumed real relationships would follow the same pattern. Instead, he spent decades "destroying relationships" without understanding why. Through therapy, he discovered the foundation of connection—acknowledging that both he and others had feelings—but something was still missing. As an undiagnosed autistic person, his direct communication style clashed with neurotypical expectations, leaving him perpetually disconnected despite being surrounded by people.
Sarah Brafford shares similar experiences of feeling "like a unicorn in the horse and cow pasture," visible but fundamentally different. Both describe the exhaustion of masking—that survival strategy of nodding, smiling, and suppressing authentic responses to appear "normal." When they finally attempted to unmask, rejection often followed, creating a painful cycle that kept them isolated.
The conversation takes a powerful turn as Coach Lee reveals his transformative insight: "Rejection is redirection." Through his coaching practice, Patterns of Possibility, he guides clients to identify their values and seek connections in aligned environments. Rather than forcing yourself into spaces that require masking, he suggests finding communities where your authentic self naturally fits. The path requires vulnerability—something he teaches through practical, actionable steps rather than vague encouragements to "just be yourself."
Whether you're autistic, neurodivergent, or simply feeling disconnected, this episode offers hope through personal stories of finding genuine connection. Learn how small acts of recognition—like thanking the often-overlooked workers in our daily lives—can create ripples of positive change while building your connection muscles.
Ready to move from merely being invited to truly belonging? Visit PatternsOfPossibility.com for free resources, including a 7-minute guide on "How to be vulnerable without being overexposed" and information about joining the Trust and Thrive Tribe community.
What if the key to meaningful connections isn't trying harder to fit in, but learning how to authentically stand out? Coach Lee Hopkins transforms this question into life-changing guidance for late-diagnosed autistic adults struggling with social connections.
Growing up watching sitcoms where problems resolved neatly in 30 minutes, Coach Lee assumed real relationships would follow the same pattern. Instead, he spent decades "destroying relationships" without understanding why. Through therapy, he discovered the foundation of connection—acknowledging that both he and others had feelings—but something was still missing. As an undiagnosed autistic person, his direct communication style clashed with neurotypical expectations, leaving him perpetually disconnected despite being surrounded by people.
Sarah Brafford shares similar experiences of feeling "like a unicorn in the horse and cow pasture," visible but fundamentally different. Both describe the exhaustion of masking—that survival strategy of nodding, smiling, and suppressing authentic responses to appear "normal." When they finally attempted to unmask, rejection often followed, creating a painful cycle that kept them isolated.
The conversation takes a powerful turn as Coach Lee reveals his transformative insight: "Rejection is redirection." Through his coaching practice, Patterns of Possibility, he guides clients to identify their values and seek connections in aligned environments. Rather than forcing yourself into spaces that require masking, he suggests finding communities where your authentic self naturally fits. The path requires vulnerability—something he teaches through practical, actionable steps rather than vague encouragements to "just be yourself."
Whether you're autistic, neurodivergent, or simply feeling disconnected, this episode offers hope through personal stories of finding genuine connection. Learn how small acts of recognition—like thanking the often-overlooked workers in our daily lives—can create ripples of positive change while building your connection muscles.
Ready to move from merely being invited to truly belonging? Visit PatternsOfPossibility.com for free resources, including a 7-minute guide on "How to be vulnerable without being overexposed" and information about joining the Trust and Thrive Tribe community.
Previous Episode
Episode 312-The Twice Exceptional Journey: Understanding Giftedness and Autism
Discovering you're twice exceptional—both gifted and neurodivergent—can be transformative, especially when diagnosed as an adult. In this fascinating conversation, Sara welcomes authors Deb Gennarelli and John Truitt to explore the complex world of twice exceptionality (2E) through their book "Navigating Neurodiversity."
John shares his remarkable journey of being diagnosed at 45 as both gifted and on the autism spectrum with dyslexia, dysgraphia, and dyscalculia. Unlike many narratives in the neurodiversity space, John describes a childhood where he excelled socially, becoming a class leader who dated "pretty, smart girls" and never experienced bullying. Yet his academic experience reflected classic 2E patterns—excelling tremendously in certain subjects while struggling inexplicably in others, facing accusations of laziness despite his obvious intelligence.
Deb brings her 30+ years of expertise as a gifted intervention specialist, explaining how twice exceptional students often fall into three categories: those whose gifts outshine their challenges, those whose challenges mask their gifts, and those who appear deceptively "average" when their exceptional abilities and struggles effectively cancel each other out. This insight proves crucial for parents and educators trying to identify and support 2E children.
The conversation takes a fascinating turn as John discusses workplace struggles that led him to entrepreneurship. "I've tried to fit into the office environment... it just doesn't work for me," he explains, articulating a common experience among highly capable neurodivergent adults. He poignantly observes the irony that many historical figures who shaped our modern world—from Einstein to Steve Jobs—were likely twice exceptional themselves: "It baffles me sometimes that we create the very world that we're not accepted in."
Whether you're a parent of a 2E child, an educator, or someone discovering their own neurodivergent traits, this episode offers invaluable insights into navigating the beautiful complexity of twice exceptional minds. As John powerfully states, "I don't want to be cured, I want to be understood."
THE SJ CHILDS SHOW-Building a Community of Inclusion - Episode 313-Beyond the Mask: Discovering Your Patterns of Possibility with Coach Lee Hopkins
Transcript
The SJ Childs Show is Backford's 13th season . Join Sarah Brafford and the SJ Childs Show team as they explore the world of autism and share stories of hope and inspiration . This season we're excited to bring you more autism summits featuring experts and advocates from around the world .
Speaker 2Go to sjchildsorg .
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