Finding the Energy to Continue

04/12/23 • 26 min

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“I’m just out of energy,” she told me, “I don’t think I can even try to save my marriage. Besides, what is the point?" Let’s face it: right now, many people are feeling exhausted and drained. And working to save a marriage can be tiring when the world is rightside-up. Much less when everything feels upside down! Many people feel pulled in so many questions... but when something is important... as important as marriage... why does it get shifted down? Relegated to the “left over energy,” if there is any? There are some underlying reasons why it may feel like there is no more energy... and it isn’t really about not having energy. More importantly, there are some things you can do to do an “energy reset.” Make a shift... then save your marriage. I cover the underlying issues and the way to solve them in this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast. Listen below. RELATED RESOURCES Self-Care Series Dealing with Fear Having a Plan Simplify your Efforts Save The Marriage System

Previous Episode

“I need space!” — that’s tough!

So many marital crises start with this phrase, "I'm not happy." In panic mode, a spouse reacts and things get worse. The next step is often, "I need space." But that is even scarier! And in panic mode, a spouse reacts and things get worse. Maybe an in-house separation. Maybe a full separation. Emotional separation becomes physical separation. All from a spouse stating an emotional state of concern: "I'm not happy." One part of dealing with a marital crisis is dealing with "emotional space." It is crucial to understand emotional space. In this podcast episode, I want to discuss why that emotional space is so difficult to manage. Why do people get sucked into taking actions that cause more issues? Why do people find it so hard to give a spouse that requested "space"? We discuss why "space" is so hard on this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast. Listen below. RELATED RESOURCES Where is the Gap? Fears and Marriage Boundaries in Marriage How To Show Up Save The Marriage System

Next Episode

Changing… and proving it

Things hit a bad spot in your marriage... and your spouse isn’t sure about staying or leaving the marriage. Sure, it may have been a relationship issue, but you may be feeling blamed. It’s pretty common to go looking for the “bad guy” in any situation. And even if both of you are in pain and frustrated, you may be wanting to stay. While you may be able to point to things your spouse needs to change, you can probably see that approach is unlikely to get you very far. And noting the relationship problems? That might “fall on deaf ears,” too. Which means you may just be catching the blame. And maybe you even agree with the critiques aimed your way. Maybe you even agree that there are some changes you need to make. Now what? Yes, you absolutely want to make the changes. Maybe to prove you can. Maybe because you know you would be a better person for having changed. Here is the problem: Change is hard, and rarely straightforward. When we make any significant changes in life, we are highly unlikely to hit 100% success. Every now and then, you are likely to fall short. You are likely to drift back into old habits, old actions, old responses. That doesn’t mean you have failed. Only that change is often a journey. But those slips? They will absolutely be seen as failures by a suspicious spouse who is not trusting the changes (or even your capacity to change). And that is the problem with change. In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I cover some questions about this that were submitted by listeners. Take a listen below! RELATED RESOURCES: We Change When We Change When Your Spouse Doesn’t Believe “I’ve Changed” and Other Things Not To Say Why Your Spouse Doesn’t See The Change Responsibility Formula Save The Marriage System