22. Firm foundations after separation: the importance of emotion regulation

02/26/24 • 35 min

When you're caught in the throes of divorce and tasked with co-parenting, emotions can run high—especially when communication with an ex feels like navigating a minefield. This episode is a heartfelt guide to managing those complex feelings and finding peace amidst chaos. I open up about my own struggles and breakthroughs, sharing the strategies that have helped me maintain emotional balance, whether it's through journaling or a therapeutic session of EMDR.
Facing your ex in a co-parenting dialogue can be daunting, and for some, the urge to retreat is palpable. During this episode, I tackle why avoidance can sabotage not just personal healing but also the practicalities of legal matters.
Lastly, I take you on a journey through the landscape of 'felt safety.'
Understanding how our perceptions can trigger a stress response even in the absence of real danger is crucial for anyone who's experienced control or abuse in a relationship. This episode doesn't just offer a perspective; it aims to be a companion in the search for improved emotional wellbeing and healthier relationships.

I'm a specialist Separation, Divorce & Co-Parenting Coach based in Melbourne, Australia.
I support women to strategically navigate ongoing control and other forms of abuse after separation, and to optimise their outcome for themselves and their children.
Part of my specialist coaching includes helping women to optimise their court outcomes, particularly parenting arrangements. If you are navigating the court system with a controlling former partner, or suspect that you might in the future, I can help.

To learn more about what I do, and how to work with me, visit:
https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au
For more information about post-separation abuse: https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/thank-you
For more information about separation planning (including a checklist):
https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/separationplanning
Follow me on Instagram: @danielleblackcoaching
MORE SUPPORT (within Australia):
1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732

Lifeline: 13 11 14

13 YARN on 13 92 76 (24/7 crisis support phone line for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples)

Lifeline: 13 11 14

13 YARN on 13 92 76 (24/7 crisis support phone line for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples)

Previous Episode

21. Embracing life post-separation: the power of radical acceptance

Emerging from the fog of separation, I found myself anchored by an unexpected philosophy: radical acceptance.
This episode peels back the layers of this transformative practice, revealing how acknowledging our painful realities can liberate us from the energy spent on the impossible task of changing others—especially a former partner.
As we navigate through Marsha Linehan's ten steps of radical acceptance, I share insights on how to discern what is within our power to change, and what we must learn to accept. This is not about approving of the situation, but rather recognising it for what it is, thus allowing us to channel our efforts toward healing and personal growth.
But acceptance is just the beginning. By practicing radical acceptance, we not only come to terms with the things we cannot change, but also find the courage to rebuild our sense of self and embrace the joy of life post-separation - with each step towards acceptance, we're actually stepping into a world of newfound empowerment and joy.

Lifeline: 13 11 14

13 YARN on 13 92 76 (24/7 crisis support phone line for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples)

Next Episode

23. Let's talk about parallel parenting

Navigating the stormy seas of separation becomes even more challenging when you're tethered to a high-conflict ex-partner, doesn't it?
In this episode, I don't shy away from my trademark honesty as I tell it like it is when you share one or more children with a controlling person.
As your guide, I bring to light the often hidden realities of parallel parenting, laying bare the truth that working amicably with a controlling ex might be as realistic as finding a unicorn!
This episode peels back the layers of what it truly means to parent alongside someone whose behaviours could echo the hallmarks of a personality disorder, such as narcissism. This discussion is candid, and I unravel the emotional threads that bind us to the hope of collaborative co-parenting - and how to cut them for the wellbeing of our children and ourselves.

Lifeline: 13 11 14

13 YARN on 13 92 76 (24/7 crisis support phone line for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples)

The Post-Separation Abuse Podcast - 22. Firm foundations after separation: the importance of emotion regulation

Transcript

Speaker 100:00:34.582

Hello and welcome . Thank you for joining me on another episode of the post separation abuse podcast , a podcast where I don't just talk about post separation abuse , but rather I get down into the nitty gritty of all things separation , divorce and co-parenting , particularly when your current or former partner

Speaker 100:01:01.478

has controlling behaviors , <