Open vs. Empty Nest (Podcast Episode 1)

In their premier episode the original Open Nesters, Tessa & Amir, discuss the concept of an Open vs. Empty Nest. They explore what is calling us, in order to tap into and reinvent our original or new passions, including following our curiosity to new adventures, living arrangements, investment in relationships and our sexuality. Topics of the podcast are discussed so that we open doors to the choices we make as we write Act III, the final (and hopefully, best) chapter of our lives once our kids leave, or begin leaving, the familial nest.

Open Nesters Podcast

We hope that our podcast opens a window into what is possible at this transitional and tender stage of life, encouraging you to look beyond the emptiness and toward what this period can OPEN up in your life. Together we explore relationships with our adult, millennial kids in parallel to reclaiming a passion for living and a passionate sex life, and so much more. We interview individuals & couples regarding new creative and spiritual journeys, intellectual and physical adventure, new careers & hobbies, intimacy, fantasy and true love, eroticism, and even kink as some of our topics.

Resources for You

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

• • ask to join and we’ll let you in

Open vs. Empty Nest: A Relevant Resource for You

If you enjoyed our first podcast episode you might like this: Death Sex & Money Podcast

About Death Sex & Money

A podcast hosted by Anna Sale about the big questions and hard choices that are often left out of polite conversation.

Reframing Relationships with Sabrina and Seth

(The Open Nesters Podcast Season 2 | Episode 49)

[Tessa] Twists and Turns. Side to Side. Front to Back. The path that Sabrina and Seth have been on is somewhat mind-boggling. They each divorced. They each have children. They each embrace open relationships. They are married and they live a thousand miles apart. Think that through for a second... then you might think any working relationship would simply be impossible under these circumstances. Then listen to Sabrina and Seth peel back the layers of their remarkable relationship.

[Tessa] Seth shared his headlines about expectations, general principles, that people can think about related to a functional relationship.

1. Give Only What You Are Comfortable Giving
2. Always Be Grateful for What the Other Person Gives
3. Recognize The Process (the Relationship) is Voluntary by Both Parties
4. Help Each Other Find Their Optimal Position by Being Honest and Supportive
5. If Incompatibilities Prevent Both Sides from Reaching Equilibrium, Respectfully Walk Away

Understanding our own expectations helps us define the criteria of what we seek in a relationship. They are not judgments of someone else’s capacity in a given area; they are simply what works best for us.

• Intellectual Engagement. Do you seek to discuss, debate, and engage in the art of conversation? Long walks and discussions, or outings to museums? Or are you more about companionable silence? Either way, we tend to have expectations around how we engage intellectually. For me personally, intellectual engagement is a must-have (as one might conclude after reading this very writing). If someone is unable to meet my expectations around conversations, topics, and intellectual pursuits, I have a hard time imaging much compatibility or connection.
• Emotional Intensity. Are you looking for an emotional connection, a way to create shared experiences that tie you together? Or are you wanting drama-free engagement?
• Physical Attraction. For some people, physical attraction is an important factor if there is to be intimacy, but this is not necessarily expected in friendships.
• Levels of Intimacy. These are the expectations of how much, and whether or not physical or intimate contact takes place in a relationship. Intimacy does not necessarily mean sexual intercourse. If, on the other hand, there is sexual intercourse, this is where sexual expectations, practices, and preferences would be negotiated.
• Time Frame. This is the expectation about how long the relationship could or should last. One’s family is there for life, and similarly, some friendships last a lifetime. Conversely, there can be fleeting moments, chance encounters, fortuitous meetings.
• Levels of Responsibility. This has to do with how much responsibility is expected in a given relationship, and is particularly important when it comes to family and spouses or partners. Is there an expectation of co-parenting or being a parental figure? Elderly care? Life or death matters? In other relationships, maybe this expectation is more around having a confidante for personal matters. Or just someone to pick you up at the airport.

An Excerpt from the Interview

[Seth] On the Nature of Relationships: What is it that’s real here? That’s truly important. And what is it that we’re kind of arbitrarily putting into things? The expectations that we put in there because we see other people do it. We saw our parents do it, and therefore that’s the way relationships are supposed to be. So we throw in these rules and then get disappointed and resentful when other people don’t meet them without really understanding what the rules we’re actually are to begin with.

Resources for You

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook about queerness and other topics of interest:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

• • ask to join and we’ll let you in

OBLIGATION IS THE WEAPONIZATION OF COMMITMENT

Language of the Soul (Laura Campbell)

(The Open Nesters Episode 12)

If You Only Have a Minute For Us Push Play on the Red Button

In this Episode 12 we meet Laura Campbell.

Laura helps us look at the spiritual essence of our years after 50 when we have the time and space to be still for a while, rather than always do. I (Tessa) was so delighted to do this interview. Laura is a Certified Life Coach, and is a transition and leadership strategist. Laura has an MBA from NYU and is a widely published writer having been published in such publications as The Huffington Post and Medium.

I watched and witnessed Laura’s journey for many years, observing her grow in her wisdom. I wanted to call this episode “growing our wisdom muscle.” And I am so excited for you to hear the incredible knowledge and wisdom from this very special lady.

A few thoughts from Laura

The fastest thing way to get want you want is to let go of what you don’t.

We are always at the starting line: there actually is no finish line.

I have downsized homes more than once. I have gotten rid of 80% of the stuff that I’ve every known, which was incredibly liberating.

I want to shift the conversation on how we view the different stages of aging.

There have been many of life’s milestones in my life that all seemed to happen early in my life. Marriage, kids, divorce and a second long-term relationship – all well before I was 50 years old.

My “wisdom” come from my ability to understand my various life transitions.

Remember Her?

I specialize in extraordinary communication, inspiring courage, resilience and the vision for what’s possible, and designing plans for empowered and intentional action.

Simple, simpler, simplest is my mantra; together we will turn complexity into opportunity.

I will never leave you asking “What am I supposed to do next?”

I believe in your higher purpose and unlimited potential, no obstacle will stop you from achieving your goals.

Resources for You

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

• • ask to join and we’ll let you in

Laura’s Blog: New & Next

There are two words that I believe hold women back more than any others; “sure” and “fine”.

In fact, I find these words cringeworthy.

They are cop outs, cover ups and almost always, total bullshit. They are what women often say when they are not comfortable speaking their truth; when they are afraid to say what they really want.

The problem with using these words, is that they prevent you from doing and becoming what you truly desire and ultimately lead you to mediocrity in your life and career. A few years back, I broke up with mediocrity, I had had enough.

Read Laura’s blog here: New & Next

These Two Words Have to Go

The Humor in Aging, Sex and the Husband Equivalent with Joyce Saltman

(Season 2 | Episode 60)

[Tessa] Aging. How funny! Right? It’s funny, curious, puzzling, and delightful to gain wisdom and knowledge as we age. Our guest this week has spent a lot of time considering the humor in aging. And in particular The Humor in Aging, Sex, and the Husband Equivalent.

Joyce has a lot of funny things to say throughout this interview. And you will laugh at her wry observations on life and aging. That said she has such insights. One of my favorites: “Don’t spend your life trying not to die.”

Husband Equivalent?... you say? Yep. Dive into the episode above. It is a very stimulating conversation on The Open Nesters Podcast.

Joyce Saltman is a Professor Emeritus of Special Education at Southern Connecticut State University in New Haven, CT. She chose to receive her doctoral degree from Columbia because she loved the color of their doctoral gown. It was no small feat that she was able to persuade her mentor to allow her to write her dissertation on “Humor in Adult Learning.” She also holds four graduate degrees in the fields of Special Education and Counseling. Joyce’s innovative teaching style has led to the development of a graduate course entitled. “The Enhancement of Learning Through Humor,” as well as a summer institute called, “Healing, Education Laughter and Play (HELP).”

Her experience in the areas of education, therapy, and comedy has provided an outstanding background for her research on “The Therapeutic Value of Laughter.” Since 1983, when Joyce began lecturing on “Laughter,” she has been interviewed by national radio and TV. Her dynamic seminars and articles, always peppered with humor, address such topics as dealing with difficult people, laughter as therapy, parenting, and relationships. Her goal is to enlighten, educate, and entertain while the audience laughs. Joyce has been speaking on “Laughter” and related uplifting topics since 1983, and hopes to be able to die laughing – but not too soon!!!

Joyce is the 2015 recipient of the Doug Fletcher Lifetime Achievement Award from the Association for the Applied and Therapeutic Humor (AATH). She also is the first winner of the Outstanding Faculty Award from the Academy for Continuing Education, (ACE) Boynton Beach, FL, as well as the 2015 First prize joke-telling award from the International Society for Humor Studies (ISHS).

As a result of her speaking engagements, she has so far been able to donate over one million dollars to her favorite various charities. Intermittently referred to as the “Guru of Laughter,” and “The Chubby Broad from Brooklyn, Joyce helps people lighten up wherever she goes!

Resources for You

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook about queerness and other topics of interest:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

• • ask to join and we’ll let you in

Pat Whitty, Modern Elder

(The Open Nesters Episode 32)

Welcome to this week’s podcast! We have a very special interview for you, with a “modern elder” named Pat Whitty. This remarkable septuagenerian (age 78) is the very picture of an Open Nester. Life changes, career changes, finding great meaning in his life in his Act IIl (or as Pat calls it ‘Chapter Four’) define this fascinating man.

Pat is an alumnus and community leader of an organization called M|E|A The Modern Elder Academy. This organization is in Baja, California and is positioned as a “mid-life business school.” People “connect with their wisdom” during two week visits to their campus. It’s about finding your path in your next chapter of life.

Pat Whitty calls himself a Modern Elder Whisperer. Through his own study of health, aging, and his own transition to a Modern Elder, Pat has a unique understanding of the emotional and psychological needs of elders.

Pat recently left his position as the Dean of the School of Business at a San Antonio university to pursue a new career as a Health and Life Transition Coach helping people in midlife and beyond write the next chapter of their life.

He has a Master’s Degree in Organizational Development from Incarnate Word University. He was manager of Leadership and Management Training at Chase Bank for 10 years.

Pat is the president of the Rotary Club of San Antonio at the Dominion.

More About Pat

Pat has been in this space for a long time. He owned the Dale Carnegie Training franchise in South Texas for most of his life. There they focused on personal development, communication skills, leadership, and management. Most recently he found himself to be the dean at a school of business in San Antonio, TX. He observed his life there. Private parking space, prestige, responsibility. Yet he was mostly just answering emails all day long where the dialogue was mostly about “CYA... covering your ass.” THIS was not how Pat wanted to spend the rest of his days. He made a decision to leave that big job... voluntarily... at age 78!! At this age that is most certainly a “bridge burned!”

Pat formed his company “Chapter Four Coaching.” The name comes from Pat’s mom’s advice:

Chapter One: “Get a Good Education”

Chapter Two: “Find a Real Good Job with a Real Good Company”

Chapter Three: “Retire and Live Happily Every After”

For Pat it’s all about Chapter Four.

My old self stalks me

Like a jilted lover

Keeping me from the new person

I’m eager to discover

That person did not make me happy

Yet it is still pulling on me

The security of misery

Is keeping me from being free

Am I Vladimir or Estragon

Waiting for Godot

Wasting my life away

In search of someone I don’t know

I’m hearing the call

Ready for the adventure

Can’t cross the threshold

Until I find a mentor

Why am I afraid of uncertainty

Seduced by the illusion of knowing

It’s all in the past

Keeping me from growing

The whales in the ocean

Come up for air

Their water spouts telling me

They know it will be there

What should I do

As I hang in mid-air

Let go. Let go

Trust that it will be there

Resources for You

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook about queerness and other topics of interest:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

• • ask to join and we’ll let you in

Resources from Pat Whitty

Pat’s Private Facebook Group

Modern Elder Academy