Open vs. Empty Nest (Podcast Episode 1)

In their premier episode the original Open Nesters, Tessa & Amir, discuss the concept of an Open vs. Empty Nest. They explore what is calling us, in order to tap into and reinvent our original or new passions, including following our curiosity to new adventures, living arrangements, investment in relationships and our sexuality. Topics of the podcast are discussed so that we open doors to the choices we make as we write Act III, the final (and hopefully, best) chapter of our lives once our kids leave, or begin leaving, the familial nest.

Open Nesters Podcast

We hope that our podcast opens a window into what is possible at this transitional and tender stage of life, encouraging you to look beyond the emptiness and toward what this period can OPEN up in your life. Together we explore relationships with our adult, millennial kids in parallel to reclaiming a passion for living and a passionate sex life, and so much more. We interview individuals & couples regarding new creative and spiritual journeys, intellectual and physical adventure, new careers & hobbies, intimacy, fantasy and true love, eroticism, and even kink as some of our topics.

Resources for You

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

• • ask to join and we’ll let you in

Open vs. Empty Nest: A Relevant Resource for You

If you enjoyed our first podcast episode you might like this: Death Sex & Money Podcast

About Death Sex & Money

A podcast hosted by Anna Sale about the big questions and hard choices that are often left out of polite conversation.

Reframing Relationships with Sabrina and Seth

(The Open Nesters Podcast Season 2 | Episode 49)

Commitment and Obligation in Reframing Relationships

[Tessa] Twists and Turns. Side to Side. Front to Back. The path that Sabrina and Seth have been on is somewhat mind-boggling. They each divorced. They each have children. They each embrace open relationships. They are married and they live a thousand miles apart. Think that through for a second... then you might think any working relationship would simply be impossible under these circumstances. Then listen to Sabrina and Seth peel back the layers of their remarkable relationship.

Seth’s Categories of Expectations

[Tessa] Seth shared his headlines about expectations, general principles, that people can think about related to a functional relationship.

1. Give Only What You Are Comfortable Giving
2. Always Be Grateful for What the Other Person Gives
3. Recognize The Process (the Relationship) is Voluntary by Both Parties
4. Help Each Other Find Their Optimal Position by Being Honest and Supportive
5. If Incompatibilities Prevent Both Sides from Reaching Equilibrium, Respectfully Walk Away

Sabrina’s Categories of Expectations

Understanding our own expectations helps us define the criteria of what we seek in a relationship. They are not judgments of someone else’s capacity in a given area; they are simply what works best for us.

• Intellectual Engagement. Do you seek to discuss, debate, and engage in the art of conversation? Long walks and discussions, or outings to museums? Or are you more about companionable silence? Either way, we tend to have expectations around how we engage intellectually. For me personally, intellectual engagement is a must-have (as one might conclude after reading this very writing). If someone is unable to meet my expectations around conversations, topics, and intellectual pursuits, I have a hard time imaging much compatibility or connection.
• Emotional Intensity. Are you looking for an emotional connection, a way to create shared experiences that tie you together? Or are you wanting drama-free engagement?
• Physical Attraction. For some people, physical attraction is an important factor if there is to be intimacy, but this is not necessarily expected in friendships.
• Levels of Intimacy. These are the expectations of how much, and whether or not physical or intimate contact takes place in a relationship. Intimacy does not necessarily mean sexual intercourse. If, on the other hand, there is sexual intercourse, this is where sexual expectations, practices, and preferences would be negotiated.
• Time Frame. This is the expectation about how long the relationship could or should last. One’s family is there for life, and similarly, some friendships last a lifetime. Conversely, there can be fleeting moments, chance encounters, fortuitous meetings.
• Levels of Responsibility. This has to do with how much responsibility is expected in a given relationship, and is particularly important when it comes to family and spouses or partners. Is there an expectation of co-parenting or being a parental figure? Elderly care? Life or death matters? In other relationships, maybe this expectation is more around having a confidante for personal matters. Or just someone to pick you up at the airport.

An Excerpt from the Interview

[Seth] On the Nature of Relationships: What is it that’s real here? That’s truly important. And what is it that we’re kind of arbitrarily putting into things? The expectations that we put in there because we see other people do it. We saw our parents do it, and therefore that’s the way relationships are supposed to be. So we throw in these rules and then get disappointed and resentful when other people don’t meet them without really understanding what the rules we’re actually are to begin with.

Resources for You

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook about queerness and other topics of interest:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

• • ask to join and we’ll let you in

OBLIGATION IS THE WEAPONIZATION OF COMMITMENT

Language of the Soul (Laura Campbell)

(The Open Nesters Episode 12)

If You Only Have a Minute For Us Push Play on the Red Button

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In this Episode 12 we meet Laura Campbell.

Laura helps us look at the spiritual essence of our years after 50 when we have the time and space to be still for a while, rather than always do. I (Tessa) was so delighted to do this interview. Laura is a Certified Life Coach, and is a transition and leadership strategist. Laura has an MBA from NYU and is a widely published writer having been published in such publications as The Huffington Post and Medium.

I watched and witnessed Laura’s journey for many years, observing her grow in her wisdom. I wanted to call this episode “growing our wisdom muscle.” And I am so excited for you to hear the incredible knowledge and wisdom from this very special lady.

A few thoughts from Laura

The fastest thing way to get want you want is to let go of what you don’t.

We are always at the starting line: there actually is no finish line.

I have downsized homes more than once. I have gotten rid of 80% of the stuff that I’ve every known, which was incredibly liberating.

I want to shift the conversation on how we view the different stages of aging.

There have been many of life’s milestones in my life that all seemed to happen early in my life. Marriage, kids, divorce and a second long-term relationship – all well before I was 50 years old.

My “wisdom” come from my ability to understand my various life transitions.

Remember Her?

I specialize in extraordinary communication, inspiring courage, resilience and the vision for what’s possible, and designing plans for empowered and intentional action.

Simple, simpler, simplest is my mantra; together we will turn complexity into opportunity.

I will never leave you asking “What am I supposed to do next?”

I believe in your higher purpose and unlimited potential, no obstacle will stop you from achieving your goals.

Resources for You

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

• • ask to join and we’ll let you in

Laura’s Blog: New & Next

There are two words that I believe hold women back more than any others; “sure” and “fine”.

In fact, I find these words cringeworthy.

They are cop outs, cover ups and almost always, total bullshit. They are what women often say when they are not comfortable speaking their truth; when they are afraid to say what they really want.

The problem with using these words, is that they prevent you from doing and becoming what you truly desire and ultimately lead you to mediocrity in your life and career. A few years back, I broke up with mediocrity, I had had enough.

Read Laura’s blog here: New & Next

These Two Words Have to Go

The Humor in Aging, Sex and the Husband Equivalent with Joyce Saltman

(Season 2 | Episode 60)

[Tessa] Aging. How funny! Right? It’s funny, curious, puzzling, and delightful to gain wisdom and knowledge as we age. Our guest this week has spent a lot of time considering the humor in aging. And in particular The Humor in Aging, Sex, and the Husband Equivalent.

Joyce has a lot of funny things to say throughout this interview. And you will laugh at her wry observations on life and aging. That said she has such insights. One of my favorites: “Don’t spend your life trying not to die.”

Husband Equivalent?... you say? Yep. Dive into the episode above. It is a very stimulating conversation on The Open Nesters Podcast.

About Joyce Saltman

Joyce Saltman is a Professor Emeritus of Special Education at Southern Connecticut State University in New Haven, CT. She chose to receive her doctoral degree from Columbia because she loved the color of their doctoral gown. It was no small feat that she was able to persuade her mentor to allow her to write her dissertation on “Humor in Adult Learning.” She also holds four graduate degrees in the fields of Special Education and Counseling. Joyce’s innovative teaching style has led to the development of a graduate course entitled. “The Enhancement of Learning Through Humor,” as well as a summer institute called, “Healing, Education Laughter and Play (HELP).”

Her experience in the areas of education, therapy, and comedy has provided an outstanding background for her research on “The Therapeutic Value of Laughter.” Since 1983, when Joyce began lecturing on “Laughter,” she has been interviewed by national radio and TV. Her dynamic seminars and articles, always peppered with humor, address such topics as dealing with difficult people, laughter as therapy, parenting, and relationships. Her goal is to enlighten, educate, and entertain while the audience laughs. Joyce has been speaking on “Laughter” and related uplifting topics since 1983, and hopes to be able to die laughing – but not too soon!!!

Joyce is the 2015 recipient of the Doug Fletcher Lifetime Achievement Award from the Association for the Applied and Therapeutic Humor (AATH). She also is the first winner of the Outstanding Faculty Award from the Academy for Continuing Education, (ACE) Boynton Beach, FL, as well as the 2015 First prize joke-telling award from the International Society for Humor Studies (ISHS).

As a result of her speaking engagements, she has so far been able to donate over one million dollars to her favorite various charities. Intermittently referred to as the “Guru of Laughter,” and “The Chubby Broad from Brooklyn, Joyce helps people lighten up wherever she goes!

Resources for You

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook about queerness and other topics of interest:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

• • ask to join and we’ll let you in

The Bed Hoppers

The World of Mr. and Mrs. H (The Open Nesters Episode 19)

From Across the Pond, Episode 19

Mr. and Mrs. H. are swingers. And they are charming. And sweet. And they are desperately in love... with each other.

HOW DOES THAT WORK? !!

It takes togetherness. It takes constant communication. It takes mutual understanding.

Mr. and Mrs. H. were so much fun to meet on our podcast interview. They have their own podcast, in fact, called the Bed Hoppers... so they were certainly ready for Tessa and me.

We discussed the fun and excitement as well as a few difficult moments, when Mrs. H. was definitely “not o.k.” And we learned how they made it through those challenging moments.

The Cuddle

We learned that even for those who communicate as well as Mr. and Mrs. H. do, a simple cuddle can be the cause of consternation. Yes... a cuddle. As you will hear in this episode sometimes intimacy that is not “intimacy” may lead to problems.

The Kids Find Out

The Message: Put Your Trust in Your Family

The adult children recognized that their parents were heading off every other weekend to meet people the kids did not know. And then... weighty suspenseful music... swingers cards were found by the kids. While the reactions of each of the two children was quite different, it was the fact that the parents were “sneaking around” that was the problem... not really the swinging.

15 Minutes of Fame

A TV company in the UK got in touch with Mr. and Mrs. H. about a documentary they were doing on a swingers club. And so... Mr. and Mrs. H. decided to go on television to talk about the swinging community. The wanted to give their community a good name. They did not want “some idiots” representing the many people about which they had such a high opinion.

The TV show came out in August of 2020 and it was a pretty good representation of people and their journeys in that lifestyle. While it may have focused a bit much on the travails of the subjects vs. the joy of their journeys, in the end Mr. and Mrs. H. were pleased with that experience.

Resources for You

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook about queerness and other topics of interest:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

• • ask to join and we’ll let you in

Swinging Resources

Swingers Help

Bed Hoppers

Bed Hoppers on Twitter

A Swinging Resource from Tessa

If you find this concept of swinging intriguing, then I want to recommend a book for you:

Designer Relationships: Guide to Happy Monogamy, Positive Polyamory, and Optimistic Open Relationships by Mark Michaels and Patricia Johnson