So One of You Wants Sex More Than the Other ft. Chelsea Petersen, LMFT

10/22/19 • 92 min

Chelsea Peterson, a marriage and family therapist and owner of Cache Valley Counseling, joins Grace to discuss a long-awaited topic: how to understand and maneuver different levels of desire in the bedroom.

Mrs. Peterson explains that partners differ in sexual desire far more often than not and that which partner is which can change (8:30). She then dives into the patterns that can arise when this situation is not handled well (12:05) and where the patterns can come from (18:20). (That’s when Good Girl Syndrome is explained.) Thankfully, Mrs. Peterson takes us through how to retrain our brains (31:00).

The brake/gas pedal analogy is helpful in identifying what triggers changes in the bedroom (42:15). After the host and her guest go down a bunny trail about sex and nursing (46:15), Mrs. Peterson helps us lessen judgement around sexual preferences (51:15). Grace reminds us of the long term nature of the sex game and the motivation behind working hard now (57:00). Next, Mrs. Peterson discusses how to maneuver life as a high-desire partner (60:25). In closing, Grace and Mrs. Peterson clarify that no one needs sex, but everyone needs emotional connection (82:45).

Recommended resources on sex (the anatomy and relational sides) are as follows:

Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski (on Amazon here)

And It Was Very Good by Our Earthly Parents (on Amazon here or email Chelsea at [email protected] for a free PDF)

Attached by Amir Levine (on Amazon here)

Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch (on Amazon here)

“The Intimacy Podcast” with Rhonda Farr (link to Apple podcasts here)

Instagram accounts:

@kristinbhodson (website here)

@finalysonfife (website here)

@marriagelaboratory (website here).

Thank you for listening to this podcast! Sharing it with a friend or leaving a quick review on iTunes would be deeply appreciated—it spreads the word and keeps this show going. Follow on Instagram @thenewlywedshow and Grace Jensen @gracewjensen. She would love to hear from you! And a HUGE thank you to Cache Valley Counseling Services for connecting Grace with their therapists to bring information to you! You can reach them at https://www.cvcounselingservices.com/.

You can also support the podcast by snatching up quality, trendy, comfy clothes with a 10% coupon. Check out with code “newlywedshow” at https://www.aliceshootspeople.com/shop/ You can access more discounts and giveaways by joining the shop’s Facebook page, Alice Loves Clothes.

Recommended resources on sex (the anatomy and relational sides) are as follows:

Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski (on Amazon here)

And It Was Very Good by Our Earthly Parents (on Amazon here or email Chelsea at [email protected] for a free PDF)

Attached by Amir Levine (on Amazon here)

Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch (on Amazon here)

“The Intimacy Podcast” with Rhonda Farr (link to Apple podcasts here)

Instagram accounts:

@kristinbhodson (website here)

@finalysonfife (website here)

@marriagelaboratory (website here).

Previous Episode

What If We Barely See Each Other?? Part 2 ft. Lauren and Dr. Jason Jensen, M.D.

This episode is the sequel to Grace and Zach’s discussion with Jason and Lauren Jensen on keeping up a strong marriage during a busy life.

Jason and Lauren find technology priceless, using texting to stay connected and Marco Polo to share little moments (3:10). Lauren has learned how to celebrate and creatively take advantage of time they have together rather than bemoaning time they don’t have. (4:30).

The two share ways they include Jason in their child’s life (5:50) and how they stay flexible and responsive to each other’s needs (6:40). Kind, humble communication is all the more important when you don’t have much time together (9:30). The difference between arguing and talking is clarified (15:20) and the importance of service is discussed (19:00). Jason and Lauren share the pivotal concept that each person’s effort at 100% looks different at different times (20:00).

The couple shares what they went through during Jason’s residency, including the death of Lauren’s brother Jeff. (23:00) Communicating his priorities to his work, Jason was completely there for Lauren (25:50). They then talk about moving to a new place (again) and exactly how Lauren quickly created a community of friends for herself (31:00).

Moving on to after their daughter was born, Jason shares his pain over missed time with Holly and his strategies on how to stay connected (33:30.) One strategy for strengthening family ties is taking “mini vacations,” going out of the house on days off and making memories (36:20). Jason confesses feelings of jealousy towards Lauren and describes how he deals with that (39:30). Love in action, communication, and intention are essentials for the busy couple.

Thank you for listening to this podcast! Sharing it with a friend or leaving a quick review on iTunes would be deeply appreciated—it spreads the word and keeps this show going. Follow on Instagram @thenewlywedshow and Grace Jensen @gracewjensen. She would love to hear from you!
You can also listen to this episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or TuneIn.

Next Episode

Discovering Pornography Betrayal Moment By Moment and Seeing Beyond the Moment ft John Brailsford, PhD

Dr. John Brailsford, therapist of twenty years, comes onto the show to discuss how unhealthy relationship dynamics often form when a spouse is struggling with pornography and how to replace them with healthy dynamics. They start off by discussing the different reasons why men and women can become involved in pornography (14:10). Grace suggests that pornography use is a spectrum, to which Dr. Brailsford agrees (18:40). For more information on why pornography can be damaging, check out https://fightthenewdrug.org/.

He then describes the typical reaction of a spouse discovering their partner’s pornography use (28:50), and shares that this reaction is the biggest indicator of the relationship’s proceeding health (32:30). Simply put, for the benefit of everyone, compassion is key (33:50). During this discussion Grace mentions The Betrayed, the Addicted, and the Expert podcast and ACT therapy, which introduced the idea to Grace of being a spouse in accordance with your values (44:00).

The two then focus on the response of the spouse discovered (47:30). Dr. Brailsford expounds upon the differences gender energies can make in this scenario (48:00). He then lists various triggers and factors in pornography use (59:40).

Next, Dr. Brailsford shares his recommendation on what to do now that both partners are aware of the addiction (64:00). They spend a significant amount of time detailing the mindset needed for healing and growth (67:00). His final message is that doing your best as an individual to heal your relationship is far more important than whether the relationship is saved in the end (78:40). And a HUGE thank you to Cache Valley Counseling Services for connecting Grace with their therapists to bring information to you! You can reach them at https://www.cvcounselingservices.com/.

Check out our sponsors for today’s episode: Shop Little Honey. This mom-run boutique has just introduced the latest thing the people want: a bow subscription! You can get a wide variety of fun, themed bows for just $12.99 a month. Check it out at https://www.shoplittlehoney.com/.
You can also support the podcast by snatching up quality, trendy, comfy clothes with a 10% coupon. Check out with code “newlywedshow” at https://www.aliceshootspeople.com/shop/ You can access more discounts and giveaways by joining the shop’s Facebook page, Alice Loves Clothes.

Another way to support this podcast is to follow it on Instagram @thenewlywedshow. Sharing an episode with a friend or leaving a quick review on iTunes would also be appreciated—it spreads the word and keeps this show going. Thank you!