Service and Body Image: the Holiday Editions

11/20/19 • 56 min

Grace and Zach settle down to have a conversation about serving as a couple and handling body image on Thanksgiving. They first talk about how serving together benefits your relationship. It’s a valuable gateway to meaningful connection (9:00), and prompts gratitude and humility (15:20).

Then, they share a daily service opportunity provided by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in the month of December (18:30). Details can be found at lighttheworld.org. Justserve.org is also a fantastic resource and highly recommended. Grace talks about “giving machines,” which are part of the Light the World initiative (22:25). Their locations are listed at here. She reminds us to not feel guilty if scripted service is one thing too many to put on the calendar this year (25:00).

Grace next speaks to individuals with anxiety around Thanksgiving, specifically in relation to food (33:00). Her first piece of advice is to prepare a grounding, warm, grateful thought to come back to in moments of rising anxiety (34:30). Grace speaks of a common mindset to avoid, reminding us that our amazing existence should not be defined by a calculator (38:15). Eat like we normally would on Thanksgiving Day (40:10). Our number one priority on Thanksgiving Day and every day should be to be kind to ourselves; food will come and food will go, but we always live with ourselves (41:40). Grace gives advice on how to handle triggering table talk (50:15), and ends with the powerful reassurance that not every Thanksgiving has to be like this (51:20).

If you connected with anything in this episode, please help share the podcast by rating it on iTunes or texting a screenshot of the episode to a friend. Grace deeply appreciates your vulnerability and support. Remember to check the show out at Instagram @thenewlywedshow and stay connected with Grace personally @gracewjensen

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You can also listen to this episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or TuneIn.

You can also listen to this episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or TuneIn.

Previous Episode

Recognizing Trauma and Why You Need To ft. BeckyLynn Spotten

Grace’s guest today is BeckyLynn Spotten, a therapist specializing in trauma. BeckyLynn first defines trauma, and explains how it’s linked to our core beliefs about life and who we are (6:10). She uses an analogy to show why and how trauma continually affects us (8:10). She lists its many, varied symptoms (12:00). Grace encourages us to recognize trauma within ourselves, despite how uncomfortable or scary it can be (16:15). BeckyLynn invites us to explore our past with compassion and curiosity.

Next, our expert talks about what trauma can look like within marriage (18:30). Interestingly enough, we often remake childhood patterns in marriage (22:30). BeckyLynn also covers ways that trauma can cause marital discord (26:30).

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is an old but only newly accepted and scientifically supported form of therapy to help retrain the brain and heal trauma. BeckyLynn uses EMDR in her practice and explains exactly what it is and how it helps clients (30:00). Our host Grace is a benefactor from EMDR therapy herself.

Finally, BeckyLynn answers how to stay healthy and helpful when you’re the spouse watching your partner relive trauma (42:10). This episode is a reminder that while trauma may be present in your marriage, you have so many tools to fix it. You are wounded, not defective. Remember compassion and curiosity.

If you found this episode helpful, help others find the podcast. It can be as quick and easy as texting it to a friend or rating the show on iTunes. Connect with the podcast on Instagram @thenewlywedshow or personally with Grace @gracewjensen. And a HUGE thank you to Cache Valley Counseling Services for connecting Grace with their therapists to bring information to you! You can reach them at https://www.cvcounselingservices.com/.

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In case you haven’t heard, your host has created the podcast listener’s dream resource! Every product recommended during the Newlywed Show can now be found in one place: https://www.amazon.com/shop/gracewjensen It’s clearly organized by topic and kept up to date. Enjoy!

Next Episode

Balancing Traditions, Families, and Finances During the Holidays

Grace and Zach are back, with tips on how to handle holiday traditions, balance family time, and keeping the gifts inexpensive but meaningful. They kick off the episode with a new segment called “We’re in it With You,” a time to describe a recent experiences in their marriage--either positive and negative--to let you know you’re not alone (2:30).

The two then tackle the complex topic of how to share holidays between families (13:45). Grace and Zach focus on Thanksgiving and Christmas, but the principles can apply to all holidays. Think through the year and decide which holidays you as a couple think are the most important to spend with family.

When both sides of the family live near each other, determine what aspects or traditions of the holiday are the most meaningful to each of you (15:50). Is Christmas Eve really important to one part of the family? Is time together on Christmas morning more important to another part of the family? Decide as a couple how to divide your time and energies. Next, determine how much your family willing to work with you (18:00). Communicate with all parties so plans and expectations are clear. You may need to experiment year by year until you find a system that seems to work best. Finally, our hosts remind us to reserve time for relaxing and being on vacation (21:45). You might need to say no to some activities. As Brene Brown says, “Choose discomfort over resentment.” For more tips on how to create time together as a couple while on vacation with family, see episode 18 here.

Grace and Zach then discuss how to handle holidays when your families live far apart from each other (24:30). They acknowledge that the first several years of not being with your nuclear family might be hard. Hang in there—you’ll discover traditions and relationships with your spouse’s family that you’ll look forward to. Be patient with yourselves and other family members. Grace and Zach encourage using technology! (26:15) Skype, call, text with family not in the area--but do so in ways that show respect to the hosting family. Our hosts encourage the mindset of using the time with your spouse’s family to learn about and better understand your spouse (27:00). Reserve judgement on traditions that seem odd to one spouse (27:40), and be open to contributing a tradition of your own to your spouse’s holiday experience.

Next, Grace and Zach talk about how to develop your own traditions (30:20). They throw out ideas for how to make cheap, newly-wed versions of things like Christmas trees and lights (32:00). Creating traditions with friends can also be fun, such as hosting a graham cracker house contest (35:55). Grace and Zach have started writing letters to each other and to Jesus each Christmas (37:15). The goal is to create traditions focusing on meaning rather than money (39:00).

The next topic is how to buy gifts for everyone in your life on a tight budget (39:45). The first tip is to use credit card points (41:20). Grace is a strong advocate for starting to shop early in the year and going for the meaningful gifts (43:00). Utilize your resources, like using the tools provided by your university or tapping into the talents and knowledge of friends. Another tip is to tag-team the shopping, you know, since there are two of you (50:50). Lastly, consider combining holiday gifts if it allows you to give a more expensive present (52:40).

The two end with a thought from each. Zach encourages a spirit of love and forgiveness during the holiday season (56:15), and Grace speaks to those who’ve had difficult experiences with Christmas (57:15). If you have a challenging relationship with your in-laws, DM Grace before Friday, December 6th to get your questions answered in next week’s episode.