Limerence and BPD Limerence: "Why Can't I Let Them Go?"

12/30/24 • 31 min

FULL TEXT: https://eggshelltherapy.com/bpd_limerence/
Limerence is an experience unlike any other. It is beyond pure infatuation, but an all-consuming experience that can bring us to the highest ecstasy and the lowest depths of despair. It floods our brains with neurons and turns everything into a breathless roller coaster ride. However much we 'know' it is irrational, and try to shake it off, we cannot seem to escape the constant loop of hope and disappointment, longing and devastation. This state of all-consuming romantic obsession is what Dorothy Tennov termed as limerence in her groundbreaking 1979 work.

Limerence is a complex and often painful experience for most people, as few of us would choose to have our whole sense of being taken over by intrusive thoughts and fantasies. But it is never as simple as a conscious choice. Behind these overwhelming feelings lies a deeper story—one that begins in our earliest experiences of love and loss and speaks to the very heart of how we learn to attach and bond with others.

The picture gets even more complex for those with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) in limerence. When you have BPD, your emotional thermostat is already set at a different level, and with limerence in the mix, it can become truly unbearable chaos.

In this piece, we shall explore the underlying psychological mechanisms of limerence and how these dynamics take on unique dimensions for those with BPD. By understanding these patterns more deeply—from both psychoanalytic and neurobiological perspectives—we can hopefully help you chart a path forward that honors the intensity of your experience and your capacity for healing.

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Trigger Warning: This episode may cover sensitive topics including but not limited to suicide, abuse, violence, severe mental illnesses, relationship challenges, sex, drugs, alcohol addiction, psychedelics, and the use of plant medicines. You are advised to refrain from watching or listening to the YouTube Channel or Podcast if you are likely to be offended or adversely impacted by any of these topics.

Disclaimer: The content provided is for informational purposes only. Please do not consider any of the content clinical or professional advice. None of the content can substitute mental health intervention. Opinions and views expressed by the host and the guests are personal views and they reserve the right to change their opinions. We also cannot guarantee that everything mentioned is factual and completely accurate. Any action you take based on the information in this episode is taken at your own risk.

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Next Episode

Limerence: Have You Ever Been Obsessively in Love? A Psychoanalytic take with Nicole Matusow

Today we're joined by Nicole Matusow, a psychoanalyst who's going to take us on a deep dive into the fascinating world of limerence - that overwhelming, obsessive state of romantic infatuation that can completely take over our lives. With her extensive background in psychoanalysis, Nicole will help us understand the unconscious mechanisms driving this intense experience, from the early attachment patterns that set the stage to the role of fantasy and emotional regulation.

We'll explore why some of us are more prone to limerence than others, how early experiences shape our romantic patterns, and most importantly - what we can actually do about it. Whether you're currently experiencing limerence or supporting someone who is, I hope this conversation will be useful to you. Imi

About Nicole:

Nicole Matusow is a New York City psychotherapist practicing in the Flatiron area. She sees both individuals and couples/family members, taking a contemporary psychoanalytic and feelings-based approach. Her practice addresses limerence, judgmental self-talk, people-pleasing, difficulties in conveying thoughts and feelings, and familial ruptures.

She offers both in-person and teletherapy services.

https://www.nicolematusow.com