Episode 135: The Myth Of The "Right Way"

05/28/20 • 15 min

The Happier Approach: Quieting your High Functioning Anxiety

Today, we’re talking about doing things the “Right Way” and—surprise!—how there’s no such thing.

Unsurprisingly, many of my clients live for “doing it right.”

For them, there is nothing more amazing as hearing: Yes, you’re doing it right. In fact, one of the most popular phrases I hear from clients is: I did okay, right? They’re always looking for affirmation that they did it right.

So why is the need to do things the “Right Way” such a common experience of people with High Functioning Anxiety?

Doing it right, following the rules, and being a good girl keeps us from criticism. And growing up—either in our family of origin or through school and church—we learned that following the rules earns us LOTS of praise.

Not only that, but it protects us from the anxiety of not knowing what to do next. It keeps us safe—at least that’s what we convince ourselves of.

What rules have you created for yourself? Let’s explore this together in this week’s episode and find out what we can do about it.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why there is no such thing as doing things the “right way”
How the quest for doing things the “right way” leads to judging others
What we miss out on when we constantly try to do things the “right way”
How curiosity is key if we’re trying to understand why we’re afraid of getting things wrong

Links:

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During the pandemic, I'll be offering a mini version of my Voxer work. Nothing too intense. Nothing too coachy. Just a chance for you to vent, talk about what's most pressing, and have a neutral third party on the phone for right now.

I'm calling it Coach In Your Pocket: Just Checking In Version.

Rather than a 3-month commitment to you completely regroup on your anxiety, Coach In Your Pocket: Just Checking In Version is a simple monthly program geared to help you stay sane during this time.

Visit: https://NancyJaneSmith.com
Learn More About Self Loyalty School: https://selfloyaltyschool.com

Today, we’re talking about doing things the “Right Way” and—surprise!—how there’s no such thing.

Unsurprisingly, many of my clients live for “doing it right.”

So why is the need to do things the “Right Way” such a common experience of people with High Functioning Anxiety?

Not only that, but it protects us from the anxiety of not knowing what to do next. It keeps us safe—at least that’s what we convince ourselves of.

What rules have you created for yourself? Let’s explore this together in this week’s episode and find out what we can do about it.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why there is no such thing as doing things the “right way”
How the quest for doing things the “right way” leads to judging others
What we miss out on when we constantly try to do things the “right way”
How curiosity is key if we’re trying to understand why we’re afraid of getting things wrong

Links:

---

I'm calling it Coach In Your Pocket: Just Checking In Version.

Visit: https://NancyJaneSmith.com
Learn More About Self Loyalty School: https://selfloyaltyschool.com

Previous Episode

Episode 134: How Anxiety and Perfectionism Can Get In The Way Of Creativity with Beryl Young

Honestly, I have always had a mixed relationship with creativity.

I have almost always loved it and thought to myself, I want to do that more! And then months, years pass before I actively pursue something creative. Why?

My Monger’s message of perfectionism and practicality always gets in the way:

“She tries but she has no talent”.

“What are you going to do with it? You are going to have all these art projects and nowhere to put them.”

“You have to drag all the art supplies out and spend MORE money on creative. Get real.”

I get in my own way.

This is why I wanted to talk to someone who deals with High Functioning Anxiety and is still able to pursue creativity for a living.

Today, I am talking with Beryl Young of Momtography. She is a mom, photographer, teacher, and creator of popular classes to support parents in capturing the life they love. A former elementary school teacher by day, she’s taken her experience in education and photography and brought a message of creativity, resilience, connection, and fulfillment for camera lovers young and old.

Beryl’s work has been featured on The Huffington Post, PicMonkey, Mpix, and Digital Photography School. She’s taught hundreds of moms around the globe how to use their camera to its fullest potential and connect in deeper ways to the people they love most in the world.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

When Beryl realized that she had High Functioning Anxiety and how it shows up in her life
How she got around the perfectionism that can get in the way of creativity and gave herself permission to create
How creativity helps her manage her anxiety
What self-care looks like to her

Beryl’s Links:

Nancy’s Links:

Visit: https://NancyJaneSmith.com
Learn More About Self Loyalty School: https://selfloyaltyschool.com

Next Episode

Episode 136: Learning the Practice of Joy with Danielle Brooker

“You should be grateful,” they say.

“It isn’t that bad. I’m just whining,” you tell yourself.

“I shouldn’t be so negative. I have somuch to be positive about in my life.”

Man, oh, man! We really beat ourselves up for not being able to stick with positive thoughts all the time. The minute we start to feel negativity—like fear, anger, or doubt—we’re trained to step in with positivity.

Yet anger, sadness, and doubt have things to teach us. If we skip right over these “negative emotions,” we never get to experience life on a deeper level.

Today, I’m thrilled to talk with Danielle Brooker who helps busy, always-on women ditch stress and reclaim their joy. She owns The Daisy Patch, where she offers private coaching and group masterminds as well as digital courses. She also hosts the podcast, Let It Shine, and is a Forbes.com contributor.

In this episode, Danielle and I totally geek out about the differences between joy, happiness, and positive thinking. There is so much good stuff here and I can’t wait for you to hear it.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

What the difference is between joy and happiness
How joy and positive thinking work together yet how they are completely different
How you can be uncertain and feel really bad and at the same time experience joy
Why she refers to her online home as The Daisy Patch

Learn more about Danielle:

Learn more about Nancy:

Podcast Recommendations:

Visit: https://NancyJaneSmith.com
Learn More About Self Loyalty School: https://selfloyaltyschool.com