Navigating your relationship after a baby with Zara Arshad

Explicit content warning

10/21/22 • 43 min

Steph speaks with Psychotherapist Zara Arshad about what is really going on for couples after a baby arrives – the common feelings of anger, disappointment, resentment, loneliness, and feeling underappreciated. From her own experience, Steph found it tough and was also surprised to feel this way as no one had really mentioned it prior to having a baby.

Zara specialises in couples and new parents improving communication, and helping people in relationships during what is a tricky time. They discuss the most common issues that couples go to Zara with, a predominant one being anger. Zara explains the core reasons behind that anger and ways couples can voice how they’re feeling in a more productive way (ie not ‘You are useless and I hate you! Apparently that doesn’t work). Zara provides advice on ways couples can prepare before the baby arrives, managing expectations of each other, and how to communicate better.

Look out for updates on Zara’s soon to be available book ‘Stronger together: A couple’s guide to navigating your relationship after baby’

For more chat about relationships on the Don’t Buy Her Flowers Podcast, listen to Steph’s conversations with Matt Fray, Karen Gurney, Laura Danger and Aileen Barratt.

Zara’s Instagram
Zara’s Website
Steph’s The Post Baby Fog blog and When New Mums Get Angry blog
Steph’s Instagram

Thoughtful gifts at Don’t Buy Her Flowers (including gifts for new parents!)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Look out for updates on Zara’s soon to be available book ‘Stronger together: A couple’s guide to navigating your relationship after baby’

For more chat about relationships on the Don’t Buy Her Flowers Podcast, listen to Steph’s conversations with Matt Fray, Karen Gurney, Laura Danger and Aileen Barratt.

Zara’s Instagram
Zara’s Website
Steph’s The Post Baby Fog blog and When New Mums Get Angry blog
Steph’s Instagram

Thoughtful gifts at Don’t Buy Her Flowers (including gifts for new parents!)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Previous Episode

Laura Danger – That Darn Chat on saving your relationship

Laura Danger AKA That Darn Chat has amassed a massive 350k+ followers on TikTok and an Instagram account growing by thousands every week, creating videos about the mental load, with the strap line ‘Domestic labour is labour’. The reaction she gets shows that Laura’s is a voice people are wanting to hear from, and as one of Steph’s favourite topics, they get into it!

They discuss the wider impact on society of inequality at home, how writing lists isn’t the solution, and ask why women are ok in their own discomfort for everyone else’s comfort.

Steph asks Laura, if we’re asking men to do more, what’s in it for them? Steph and Laura also raise the massive question – if you do raise the mental load as an issue with your partner and they don’t respond in any way except negatively, where does that leave you?

Laura is a facilitator of the Fair Play Method; founded by Eve Rodsky, Fair Play is ‘a time and anxiety saving system that offers couples a completely new way to divvy up their domestic responsibilities’. Steph and Laura discuss how this is a huge change from what society has expected from women, but one that when ignored, is often leaving women resentful and ultimately jeopardising relationships. Laura’s aim it to equip women with the language and understanding to have difficult conversations.

This episode is sponsored by boutique mortgage and insurance broker Hudson Rose. Quote ‘Don’t Buy Flowers’ if you go to Hudson Rose for advice, and they will donate £50 to your local food bank.

Laura’s Instagram @thatdarnchat
Laura’s TikTok @thatdarnchat
The ‘What are you afraid of?’ clip discussed
Eve Rodsky’s Fair Play
Eve Rodsky explains ‘Conception, Planning and Execution’ of the Fair Play method on the Motherkind Podcast (9 minute clip)
Liz Plank ‘For the Love of Men’
Nedra Glover Tawwab ‘Set Boundaries, Find Peace’
Steph’s Instagram
Steph’s business Don’t Buy Her Flowers

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Next Episode

Knowing your product with Abi Selby from Spabreaks.com

Abi Selby founded Spabreaks.com in 2008, a spa booking service working with more than 700 spa destinations in the UK and a team of 65. Abi’s aim was to make spas accessible to every body as well as spotting the business opportunity of matching customers with vacancies in spas that needed filling.

Abi talks with Steph about realising the opportunity in the spa industry, starting a business shortly after having a baby and trying to find a way of work that works for her family and her business. She describes the impact of Covid, what she loves most about running a business and the biggest challenge.

We have got a brilliant giveaway with Abi and Spabreaks to win a £250 voucher and a DBHF Recovery Hamper of gorgeous products to relax with. Sign up to the DBHF newsletter HERE by 11.59pm on Friday 11th Nov. If you’re already signed up to our newsletter, no need to do anything and you will be automatically entered.

This episode is sponsored by Naturalmat, an organic bed and mattress company who use exclusively natural, organic and sustainable material and make mattresses and bedding for grown ups and babies and kids All handmade in Devon. Use the code DBHF15 for 15% off your first order, valid until 31st Jan. Visit naturalmat.co.uk