The Don't Buy Her Flowers Podcast

Ahead of the MADNESS of Christmas and as we feel our stress levels start to rise, Steph chats with Psychotherapist and author Emma Reed Turrell about People Pleasing. Emma explains the four different types of People Pleaser, and they discuss how it can impact friendships, relationships and parenting. Steph also learns it’s not just about being ‘nice’, it’s actually about wanting to control people’s reactions and usually has some deep rooted beginnings from our childhoods. Crikey.

Emma gives some advice on how to enjoy Christmas and not spend it only pleasing others while feeling a *little* resentful, they discuss the joy of Die Hard and circling the Radio Times, and hear from some listeners who want some help with their people-pleasing ways and navigating family drama ahead of the festive period.

Emma’s book ‘Please Yourself: How to Stop People-Pleasing and Transform the Way You Live’ is available in DBHF packages from 9th November.

Emma’s Instagram @emmareedturrell

If you want to get in touch with Steph:

[email protected]

Instagram: steph_dontbuyherflowers

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Emma Cantrell is the CEO of Children’s Charity First Days. Emma explains why she started the charity in 2013 when her two children were very small, initially to redistribute kids’ clothes and toys from people who didn’t need them anymore to those that did.

Since then, Emma and her team have added more services including advising families on where they can get additional help, peer support and one to one coaching. Emma talks about how she has had to find balance, how to cope with doing a job where the stakes are so high and what the current cost of living crisis means for her and the team. In recent years demand has doubled, making Emma’s job more difficult, but even more important.

This episode is sponsored by Naturalmat, an organic bed and mattress company who use exclusively natural, organic and sustainable material and make mattresses and bedding for grown ups and babies and kids All handmade in Devon. Use the code DBHF15 for 15% off your first order, valid until 31st Jan. visit naturalmat.co.uk

How to get involved with First Days:

• Donate
• Buy a toy for a child from the Christmas wishlist here
• Raise awareness and share on social media - if you can't donate or buy anything then share their posts to your followers and they might be able to help.
• First Days Twitter
• First Days Instagram
• Emma’s LinkedIn
• Emma’s Instagram
• Steph’s LinkedIn
• Steph’s Instagram

We have got a brilliant giveaway with Spabreaks to win a £250 voucher and a DBHF Recovery Hamper of gorgeous products to relax with. Sign up to the DBHF newsletter HERE by 11.59pm on Friday 11th Nov. If you’re already signed up to our newsletter, no need to do anything and you will be automatically entered.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Steph sits down with her husband of 17 years, Mark (Doug) Douglas, for an unfiltered and often hilarious deep dive into marriage, equality at home, and the invisible workload that often falls on women. From their whirlwind romance and early parenting struggles to resentment, gender roles, and the reality of balancing careers and family, no topic is off-limits.

Doug is a finance professional navigating the ever-evolving dynamics of modern partnerships. As a couple, Steph and Doug have had to unlearn traditional gender roles, redefine teamwork, and figure out how to stop bickering about the food shop. Spoiler alert - they don’t have it all figured out!

We Talk About:

The Mental Load & Motherhood - Why Steph felt trapped while Doug got to enjoy a solo train ride and a Pret sandwich.

When the Kindness Goes - How exhaustion and resentment creep into long-term relationships. Relearning Equality - The moment Doug realized doing the food shop wasn’t just about clicking ‘repeat order’ on Tesco.

Paternity Leave & Male Privilege - Why many men still hesitate to take time off and what needs to change.

The Pancake Revelation - A seemingly small act that transformed their approach to sharing responsibilities.

The Chats That Changed Everything - From Eve Rodsky’s episode, How to Make it Fair to Matt Frey's This Is How Your Marriage Ends, the resources that helped them shift their mindset.

With plenty of laughter, some uncomfortable truths, and a whole lot of real talk, this episode is for anyone who has ever argued about housework, felt unseen in their relationship, or just wants to feel less alone in the chaos of modern family life.

And for those of you listening in real time, let's not forget that Mother's Day is just around the corner and Don't Buy Her Flowers is on standby to help you with a thoughtful gift that shows the mother in your life the gratitude they so deserve!

Steph’s Instagram

Thoughtful gifts at Don’t Buy Her Flowers

This episode we are proud to have two excellent sponsors:

Anara Skincare - luxury, natural skincare without compromise. Use code DBHF20 for 20% off.

Sweet Freedom - award winning syrups and spreads, always sweet, always natural. Use code DBHF15 for 15% off.

We recorded this episode at Patch in Twickenham, which is a co-working space and they have another four locations in England. Patch are offering 50% off the first two months membership with the code Steph50. Go to patch.work

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Steph spoke with James O’Hara about his life in hospitality as a serial business owner - the challenges, the peaks, managing a team and the lessons James has learned along the way. James also talks about how young people don’t drink like we did in the 90s/00s, Covid’s legacy and how belligerence has helped him as a founder.

James’ career in hospitality started with a club night in Sheffield; James has a talent for spotting what customers are after next, and now owns multiple bars and venues and is part of the team that recently rescued Kelham Island Brewery after it went in to liquidation. He co-founded Tramlines Festival, which he sold in 2020, and is currently working towards the opening of Leah’s Yard in Sheffield.

We have got a brilliant giveaway with Spabreaks.com to win a £250 voucher and a DBHF Recovery Hamper of gorgeous products to relax with. Sign up to the DBHF newsletter HERE by 11.59pm on Friday 11th Nov. If you’re already signed up to our newsletter, no need to do anything and you will be automatically entered.

This episode is sponsored by Naturalmat, an organic bed and mattress company who use exclusively natural, organic and sustainable material and make mattresses and bedding for grown ups and babies and kids All handmade in Devon. Use the code DBHF15 for 15% off your first order, valid until 31st Jan. visit naturalmat.co.uk

• James’ LinkedIn
• James’ Twitter
• Steph’s LinkedIn
• Steph’s Instagram

Don’t Buy Her Flowers

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Laura Danger AKA That Darn Chat has amassed a massive 350k+ followers on TikTok and an Instagram account growing by thousands every week, creating videos about the mental load, with the strap line ‘Domestic labour is labour’. The reaction she gets shows that Laura’s is a voice people are wanting to hear from, and as one of Steph’s favourite topics, they get into it!

They discuss the wider impact on society of inequality at home, how writing lists isn’t the solution, and ask why women are ok in their own discomfort for everyone else’s comfort.

Steph asks Laura, if we’re asking men to do more, what’s in it for them? Steph and Laura also raise the massive question – if you do raise the mental load as an issue with your partner and they don’t respond in any way except negatively, where does that leave you?

Laura is a facilitator of the Fair Play Method; founded by Eve Rodsky, Fair Play is ‘a time and anxiety saving system that offers couples a completely new way to divvy up their domestic responsibilities’. Steph and Laura discuss how this is a huge change from what society has expected from women, but one that when ignored, is often leaving women resentful and ultimately jeopardising relationships. Laura’s aim it to equip women with the language and understanding to have difficult conversations.

This episode is sponsored by boutique mortgage and insurance broker Hudson Rose. Quote ‘Don’t Buy Flowers’ if you go to Hudson Rose for advice, and they will donate £50 to your local food bank.

• Laura’s Instagram @thatdarnchat
• Laura’s TikTok @thatdarnchat
• The ‘What are you afraid of?’ clip discussed
• Eve Rodsky’s Fair Play
• Eve Rodsky explains ‘Conception, Planning and Execution’ of the Fair Play method on the Motherkind Podcast (9 minute clip)
• Liz Plank ‘For the Love of Men’
• Nedra Glover Tawwab ‘Set Boundaries, Find Peace’
• Steph’s Instagram
• Steph’s business Don’t Buy Her Flowers

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.