Ep # 72 Relationships 201: Are You on the Right Track?
07/21/23 • 44 min
Safe to say most human problems stem from other humans. Lately, I’ve been coaching a number of people who are starting relationships or are reaching a place where it is obvious that something has to change.
Here is a short list of relationship characteristics that I think need to be there for a lasting bond.
1. Do I feel safe? Does my partner feel safe? Are you a safe person?
2. Do I know what I want? And that doesn’t mean a huge 2-page list of criteria because no one exists like that. people will say that they want people of similar values; even people with the same values do very different behaviors.
3. Do I have fun? Or is it hard? Is it work? Are you always second-guessing?
4. Don’t be a therapist with your partner.
5. Learn the highly refined skill of going 2nd (or Other) position). Be able to really be in other person’s shoes and see it from their point of view.
6. Avoid getting involved with people who lie, deceive, or do drugs or heavy alcohol. 1st, addicts only do 1st position.
7. Check your expectations at the door. I
8. Let them be their own person. Let them enjoy their passions as you do yours.
9. Remember it takes 90 days for the real person to emerge and the shadows. Is there a give-and-take? Or does it seem one-sided?
10. Are you projecting? Seeing something in communication or behavior that isn’t there.
11. Do your own work. If there is a conflict or you don’t like something, NLP’ers have a lot of technology to change it in themselves: anchoring, conflict resolution, and reframing.
Safe to say most human problems stem from other humans. Lately, I’ve been coaching a number of people who are starting relationships or are reaching a place where it is obvious that something has to change.
Here is a short list of relationship characteristics that I think need to be there for a lasting bond.
1. Do I feel safe? Does my partner feel safe? Are you a safe person?
2. Do I know what I want? And that doesn’t mean a huge 2-page list of criteria because no one exists like that. people will say that they want people of similar values; even people with the same values do very different behaviors.
3. Do I have fun? Or is it hard? Is it work? Are you always second-guessing?
4. Don’t be a therapist with your partner.
5. Learn the highly refined skill of going 2nd (or Other) position). Be able to really be in other person’s shoes and see it from their point of view.
6. Avoid getting involved with people who lie, deceive, or do drugs or heavy alcohol. 1st, addicts only do 1st position.
7. Check your expectations at the door. I
8. Let them be their own person. Let them enjoy their passions as you do yours.
9. Remember it takes 90 days for the real person to emerge and the shadows. Is there a give-and-take? Or does it seem one-sided?
10. Are you projecting? Seeing something in communication or behavior that isn’t there.
11. Do your own work. If there is a conflict or you don’t like something, NLP’ers have a lot of technology to change it in themselves: anchoring, conflict resolution, and reframing.
Previous Episode
EP #71 Using NLP as a System for Weight Loss (or other goals)
NLP contains many powerful concepts and techniques that can be transformative on their own, but when utilized as an entire system, NLP can make change almost effortless and sustainable. When we try to change something about ourselves or our actions simply through willpower, we often find it difficult to create and maintain motivation, develop and follow a successful strategy, overcome setbacks and obstacles, align our beliefs, values, identity, and thinking processes with the change we want, and tap into resources we already have that will help us to make and maintain the desired change. Using NLP as a system gives us the ability to do those things and create a desired change more easily, quickly, and sustainably.
Key Discussion Concepts:
Intention (I think of this as well-formed "outcome light," because it hits the main points of a well-formed outcome.
VAK Sensory Experience
Threshold
Bandura Curve
Identity
Beliefs
Meta Programs (Towards/Away, Procedures, Criteria)
SCORE (Possibly)
Next Episode
EP # 73 Light a Fire Under Your ______! Motivation and the System of NLP
How can NLP address motivation?
Motivation is the desire or willingness to do something. A major complaint of many clients is that they aren’t motivated.
The Keys to getting yourself to do something can be addressed in a system using the model of NLP.
These include
1. Submodalities – compelling future; contrastive analysis
2. Meta programs
3. Beliefs
4. Values
5. Language
6. Model operators
To name a few.
Here are some Motivation Presuppositions
1. You inspire others, you motivate yourself. It is an inside job
2. An important premise: you are not unmotivated. To say I want motivation implies that I don’t have any. You demonstrated motivation by making the statement that I am not motivated. Saying I have something or don’t have something is digital. A unified field is holistic and analog.
3. If you have the desire (note definition), you are motivated.
4. Maybe you want to get yourself to improve on the timeliness of your execution. Then NLP can help.
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