Finding Happiness from Within

05/16/17 • 14 min

Take a moment if you will and think of all the things that would make you happy. In today's world most people would default to having more money. Aside from the financial aspect some people may simply want a better job, as in something they can actually enjoy. Some may want to travel the world while some strive to have better relationships in their lives. There is no right or wrong answer to this question, the idea is to simply become familiar with the things you want in life. The things you believe by obtaining would make you happy. From my perspective I feel there is nothing wrong with wanting any of these things. To some extent I feel we all desire these things. A better income, a job we enjoy, better relationships with family and friends. Who wouldn't want that? I will tell you as an absolute truth that you can have all of these things. You can have all of these things and more if you are willing to work for them.

What I am now going to tell you may go against conventional wisdom but if you take the time to understand this concept it could transform your view on life forever. This is the core philosophy that nothing outside of yourself can truly make you happy. Having more money and better relationships may make you feel content in the moment and give you a certain degree of pleasure but this is merely on the surface and true happiness is intrinsic. On the podcast I have mentioned on numerous occasions that the answer is always inside of you. I will continue to say this because it is an absolute truth! if you ask yourself the right questions you will always find your answer from within. The same goes for happiness because it is always inside you. You may be thinking, why would a motivational speaker be telling me that achieving my goals won't make me happy? The answer is because that motivational speaker is trying to deliver the message that you do not have to wait to have these things to be happy. In fact you do not need anything, all that is required is changing the lens which you choose view life through.

Have you ever experienced a moment of bliss? I have witnessed it in people in a multitude of different situations. Someone watching their team score the winning touchdown in the Superbowl, or someone excited for winning the main role in a Broadway play. There are many things in life that cause people to jump for joy. Things that move us so much that we forget everything, we forget about the bills we have to pay, or job we have that we don't like. We are in that moment and truly happy. That is the feeling and the truth about that feeling is that it can be taught. Yes you can literally train your brain to tap happiness on demand!

All too often I see people wallowing in their own misery because they are not where they want to be in life. Today especially as I feel we live in an age of entitlement where some feel that life owes them something. The truth is that we are wherever we are because of our actions and decisions, and if anything is truly owed then it it us who owe it to ourselves to go after the things we want. Nothing in life comes without hard work and discipline. Once you learn to take ownership of your life you should already start to feel better because you are no longer a victim of your circumstances. You are the architect of your dreams. So now that we understand this principle, how exactly do we find happiness within? I am glad you asked!

Gratitude- Learn to develop it! I personally start my day with a journal and the first thing I write is a minimum of three things I am grateful for. I follow this with a meditation in which I continue to give thanks for the things in my life. Going through a tough time in my life has helped me truly be grateful for everything I have. Just waking up is a blessing. Gratitude and negativity can not both occupy your mind at the same time. Learn to focus your lens on the positive things in life. Even setbacks can have a positive message in them. Be grateful!
Stay Inspired- listen to motivational podcasts, read motivational stories or quotes. find that thing that takes you out of a slump, for some it could be music or the thought of a loved one, remembering a triumphant event. The key is to find that thing whenever the negative thoughts start to creep in. Always go back to it. The more you do it, the more it will become second nature.
Get Moving- Go exercise, go for a walk, jog or any other form of movement. One can not remain positive if their energy is stagnant. This is why one of the keys to success is staying healthy. A healthy body breeds a healthy mind. Learn to incorporate some form of exercise and take steps to ensure that you keep a healthy diet.
Set Goals- It is no mistake that truly successful people are goal driven. You must have a plan to get to where you want to go. Think 10 years, then 5, the 1, then a month, a week, ...

Gratitude- Learn to develop it! I personally start my day with a journal and the first thing I write is a minimum of three things I am grateful for. I follow this with a meditation in which I continue to give thanks for the things in my life. Going through a tough time in my life has helped me truly be grateful for everything I have. Just waking up is a blessing. Gratitude and negativity can not both occupy your mind at the same time. Learn to focus your lens on the positive things in life. Even setbacks can have a positive message in them. Be grateful!
Stay Inspired- listen to motivational podcasts, read motivational stories or quotes. find that thing that takes you out of a slump, for some it could be music or the thought of a loved one, remembering a triumphant event. The key is to find that thing whenever the negative thoughts start to creep in. Always go back to it. The more you do it, the more it will become second nature.
Get Moving- Go exercise, go for a walk, jog or any other form of movement. One can not remain positive if their energy is stagnant. This is why one of the keys to success is staying healthy. A healthy body breeds a healthy mind. Learn to incorporate some form of exercise and take steps to ensure that you keep a healthy diet.
Set Goals- It is no mistake that truly successful people are goal driven. You must have a plan to get to where you want to go. Think 10 years, then 5, the 1, then a month, a week, ...

Previous Episode

Tap Your Inner Child and Become Fearless

Fear is a behavior that humans have adapted to identify threats. It is a survival mechanism. As humans we are inherently born with two innate fears: the fear of loud noises and the fear of falling. Loud noises typically induce a fight or flight response commonly referred to as the "acoustic startle reflex." The fear of falling was originally examined in a 1960 study which evaluated the depth perception of in infants 6-14 months of age.

All other fears we have are learned. Whether it is a fear of the dark, spiders or even death, all other fears are learned either through some personal experience or passed along from those around us. I focus on fear because over time I have noticed that most often it is fear which ultimately holds someone back from going after what they want most in life. Fear that they are not good enough, fear they will fail, and a host of other reasons which ultimately link back to some form of fear. Aside from the innate fears we all embody as humans, small children are essentially fearless. We do not become afraid of the dark until we hear stories about the boogeyman or watch a scary movie. A child essentially has a clean slate in which ideas, beliefs and fears are impressed upon. The problem is often times these beliefs come from a poor reference. For instance, some fear death because they were told by someone it will be painful, or it can be tortuous. We then begin to paint a picture of what death is and begin to fear that picture. The problem with this is that anyone who tells you about death does not have any real experience on the subject, they have no reference. In fact no one walking can paint us a true picture of what death is without dying first, so my question is what do we really know about it? Some cultures embrace death as a great passing onto the next stage of our lives which is beautiful. Are they right? I do not have the answer but it sounds like a great concept. What this tells us is that sometimes in life we let others paint pictures in our minds who have no real reference. Now ask yourself what you re afraid of. When you are done reading and listening to the podcast, go ahead and write down all of your fears. Write them down but do so in the form of a question. Why am I afraid of the dark, why do I fear death? I have come to observe that many people do not have the answers to these very basic questions. If you fear something should have some inkling of why. If not then it is time to reevaluate and start to paint a new picture or get a new reference.

Questions are extremely powerful if we ask ourselves the right ones. Often times simply questioning a fear can eliminate it from our minds if we cannot come up with any tangible reasons why we have it in the first place. We must learn to find our fearless inner child and paint new pictures on our canvas. The same goes for your fears holding you back from abundance. Do you have a reference for them? Are you afraid to quit your job to start your own business, or to pursue a career in acting because you are afraid? Begin to question those fears. If you have never tried then you have no true reference to fear chasing your dreams. If you have tried and it did not work out then you simply found a way that it does not work, so go find a way that does. Become fearless and break through all of the barriers holding you back in life!

There is so much to learn from children. They are imaginative, carefree, intelligent and brave. As adults we often tell children to dream big and reach for the stars. the irony of this is that later on in life we often tell them to stop dreaming and become realistic. To get a "normal" job instead of chasing after the things they spent their whole lives dreaming about. The things we told them to dream about! I see so many people bogged down by life and simply going through the motions with absolutely no passion for the things they do. it is one of life's greatest tragedies and a waste of the beautiful gift we were all given The gift of a beautiful mind.

The irony is that today's world is being shaped by dreamers. Pioneers in technology and social media. The mark Zuckerbergs of the world who simply had an idea and were fearless enough to pursue it despite what anyone else said. Anyone who has ever invented something was a dreamer. Dreaming of bringing into existence something that the world has never seen before. If someone says it can not be done then that is all the reason to go do it. Be a trailblazer!

I think we must all learn to find our inner child again. Go outside and splash in the rain. learn to laugh, learn to let things go. Life is too short. Find the mind you once had that was fearless and go after your goals. Learn to dream again and be a trailblazer. The answer is always inside of us, perhaps we just have not asked the right question yet.

Stay curious, stay fearless, and always stay inspired!

-Raf

Next Episode

The Power of Persistence

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit"- Aristotle

Some 350 years BC Aristotle knew the power of persistence. Today we hear quotes on persistence from some of the most prolific people of our time. Of all the traits of successful people, I have come to see persistence as being omnipotent. There is nothing in this world that can stop something that refuses to quit. On the contrary, the reason why most people fail to reach there destination is a lack of persistence.

In reading "Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill, we are introduced to the story of R. U. Darby. Darby's uncle struck gold in Colorado and headed home to Maryland to purchase some mining machinery to properly mine the vein of gold from the earth. He had "gold fever." Upon his return home he took out some loans to secure the machinery and headed back to Colorado bringing Darby with him. At first things went well, they almost found enough gold to rid them of their loan debt. Soon things would take a turn and the gold seemed to disappear. They dug and dug running through their resources but found not a spec more of gold. Eventually they decided to cut their losses. They sold their machinery and with their heads hanging low they returned home.

This is just the beginning of the story. The man whom they sold the equipment to was not convinced the gold had run out, so he hired a mining engineer to give a second opinion. What the man found was astonishing. They gold vein that Darby and his uncle were mining continued just three feet from where they stopped digging. The man took the machinery and continued digging. He eventually mined what turned out to be millions worth of gold.

The moral is simple, we often give up when we are so close to our goals. When Hill interviewed Darby for his book, he was a millionaire. He attributed much of his success to the lesson he learned out in Colorado. Never give up! In life the surest way to get to where you are going is to never give up. Persistence can and will conquer anything. It is persistence day in and day out. The sum of all the small things we do on a consistent basis that will bring us to our goals.

I will say never give up but I say it with one caveat. If something does not work then try something else. When we have a goal we often get tunnel vision and set off on a course to achieve our dreams. I see so many people quit when things don't go their way. We must all learn to be fluid in our approach. Your ultimate dream is something you should never compromise on. We have one life to live and we should not spend a second of it not doing something we love. This does not mean, however, that there is not another way to get to where we want to go. If you keep running into a wall and it doesn't budge, try going around it. Lacking a fluid approach can be your biggest disadvantage in life. If you have a goal and something along the way does not work out, try something else. There is more than one way to cook an egg. Sometimes giving up on a project that isn't working is the best thing we can do. It forces us to think outside of the box for a better solution. It is these small bumps in the road that make the journey everything it should be, a challenge. Getting to the top is never easy. Facing challenges will build character and resilience. Learn to adapt and see new roads that lead to your destination. Stay focused on the end goal but do not be afraid to switch your strategy. Be persistent and you will always reach your destination.

In this episode I give you some of the tips and tools I use to stay persistent in working towards my goals yet stay fluid in my approach. I hope you enjoy.

-Stay inspired!

-Raf