320: Addicted To Love with Lacy Bentley
02/10/25 • 37 min
1 Listener
Our guest on this episode of the Addicted Mind podcast is Lacy Bentley, a recovery mentor, and coach in the areas of love and sex addictions for women. At age 13, Lacy found herself consuming erotic novels and pornographic anime called hentai. She didn’t realize it until much later in life, but her involvement with those types of pornography had created an addiction to the fantasy that affected all of her relationships into adulthood. She developed a pattern of escape and avoidance related to any intense emotion – positive or negative – that was affecting her marriage and her relationship with her children as well.Once she realized her own issues, she realized that there had to be other women out there who were struggling as well, but no one was willing to talk about women having problems with pornography. Since so much of pornography involves the subjugation and abuse of women, there is a “girl code trauma” associated with women being aroused by the terrible things that are portrayed happening to other women.
Lacy has found in her work to help women find the freedom and recovery that they so desperately need that once a woman is willing to admit her addiction, she is usually all-in to do whatever needs to be done to heal. They need to go through a period of raw and unfiltered honesty about what has happened, then move past the shame that they have been living with for too long, and find their way to reconnecting with their partner healthily and intimately. One of the keys to a successful recovery is opening up and walking through your struggles with your partner, talking about what happened, what works, what doesn’t work, and so on.
Women who are struggling with love, sex, or porn addictions need to know that they are not alone. That they are worth recovery and that they have the right to be empowered to be themselves and have the courage to face their problems head-on. Lacy is a strong advocate of the concept of regaining your integrity because integrity is a big part of what is lost during an addiction.
Links
REAL Love Tribe on Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/groups/417549051983126/
http://instagram.com/lacyalajna/
Follow and Review: We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast.
Supporting Resources:
If you live in California and are looking for counseling or therapy please check out Novus Mindful Life Counseling and Recovery Center
We want to hear from you. Leave us a message or ask us a question: https://www.speakpipe.com/addictedmind
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Our guest on this episode of the Addicted Mind podcast is Lacy Bentley, a recovery mentor, and coach in the areas of love and sex addictions for women. At age 13, Lacy found herself consuming erotic novels and pornographic anime called hentai. She didn’t realize it until much later in life, but her involvement with those types of pornography had created an addiction to the fantasy that affected all of her relationships into adulthood. She developed a pattern of escape and avoidance related to any intense emotion – positive or negative – that was affecting her marriage and her relationship with her children as well.Once she realized her own issues, she realized that there had to be other women out there who were struggling as well, but no one was willing to talk about women having problems with pornography. Since so much of pornography involves the subjugation and abuse of women, there is a “girl code trauma” associated with women being aroused by the terrible things that are portrayed happening to other women.
Lacy has found in her work to help women find the freedom and recovery that they so desperately need that once a woman is willing to admit her addiction, she is usually all-in to do whatever needs to be done to heal. They need to go through a period of raw and unfiltered honesty about what has happened, then move past the shame that they have been living with for too long, and find their way to reconnecting with their partner healthily and intimately. One of the keys to a successful recovery is opening up and walking through your struggles with your partner, talking about what happened, what works, what doesn’t work, and so on.
Women who are struggling with love, sex, or porn addictions need to know that they are not alone. That they are worth recovery and that they have the right to be empowered to be themselves and have the courage to face their problems head-on. Lacy is a strong advocate of the concept of regaining your integrity because integrity is a big part of what is lost during an addiction.
Links
REAL Love Tribe on Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/groups/417549051983126/
http://instagram.com/lacyalajna/
Follow and Review: We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast.
Supporting Resources:
If you live in California and are looking for counseling or therapy please check out Novus Mindful Life Counseling and Recovery Center
We want to hear from you. Leave us a message or ask us a question: https://www.speakpipe.com/addictedmind
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Previous Episode
TAM+ Ep 55: From Shame to Connection: The Power of Authentic Sharing
What if the walls you built to protect yourself have become your prison? In this powerful episode of The Addicted Mind Plus, hosts Duane and Eric explore how sharing our authentic stories can break the chains of shame in recovery. They dive into why many people get stuck in their recovery journey, despite doing "all the right things," and reveal how authentic sharing can be the missing piece. Drawing from both clinical experience and research by Brené Brown, they explain why shame thrives in silence and how connection can be the antidote. The hosts provide practical, actionable steps for those struggling to share their story, making this complex journey more manageable. Whether you're in recovery or supporting someone who is, this episode offers valuable insights into the transformative power of authentic connection.
Key Topics:
- Understanding how shame creates isolation and perpetuates addictive behaviors
- The role of authentic sharing in building shame resilience
- How to identify and connect with safe people for sharing
- Practical steps for beginning to share your story
- The importance of self-compassion in the sharing process
- Setting healthy boundaries while sharing your story
- The connection between authentic sharing and sustained recovery
Timestamps:
[00:01:17] Introduction to shame and authentic sharing
[00:02:54] How silence keeps people stuck in addiction
[00:05:00] Discussion of Brené Brown's research on shame
[00:07:02] The dark room analogy for shame
[00:10:19] Practical steps for sharing your story
[00:12:17] Setting boundaries around sharing
[00:13:51] Resources and worksheet information
Episode Credits
If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you.
Follow and Review: We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast.
Supporting Resources:
If you live in California and are looking for counseling or therapy please check out Novus Mindful Life Counseling and Recovery Center
We want to hear from you. Leave us a message or ask us a question: https://www.speakpipe.com/addictedmind
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Next Episode
TAM+ EP 56: Episode Why Letting Go of Addiction Feels Like Losing a Best Friend
Have you ever felt guilty for missing your addiction, even though you know it was destroying your life? You're not alone. In this powerful episode of The Addicted Mind Plus, hosts Duane and Eric explore the often-overlooked emotional journey of grieving your addiction during recovery. They dive deep into why letting go of addiction can feel like losing a best friend – even when that friend was toxic. Using Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's famous five stages of grief as a framework, they explain why these feelings are completely normal and how to process them without shame. Whether you're in recovery yourself or supporting someone who is, this episode offers vital insights into the complex emotional landscape of addiction recovery and provides practical tools for moving forward. Learn why missing your addiction doesn't make you weak – it makes you human.
Key Topics
• The five stages of grief in addiction recovery: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance
• Why missing your addiction is a normal part of recovery
• Understanding what you're really grieving (substance, rituals, identity)
• How to process grief and loss in recovery without shame
• The importance of community support during the grieving process
• Practical strategies for moving through grief in recovery
• Tools and resources for processing addiction-related grief
Timestamps
[00:01:06] Introduction to loss and grief in recovery
[00:04:00] Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's five stages of grief explained
[00:09:54] The dangerous bargaining stage in recovery
[00:12:00] Understanding the depression stage
[00:15:12] What we're really grieving in recovery
[00:18:35] Healthy ways to process addiction-related grief
[00:20:33] Resources and support options available
Follow and Review: We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast.
Supporting Resources:
If you live in California and are looking for counseling or therapy please check out Novus Mindful Life Counseling and Recovery Center
We want to hear from you. Leave us a message or ask us a question: https://www.speakpipe.com/addictedmind
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
If you like this episode you’ll love
Episode Comments
Featured in these lists
Generate a badge
Get a badge for your website that links back to this episode
<a href="https://goodpods.com/podcasts/the-addicted-mind-podcast-201473/320-addicted-to-love-with-lacy-bentley-83907705"> <img src="https://storage.googleapis.com/goodpods-images-bucket/badges/generic-badge-1.svg" alt="listen to 320: addicted to love with lacy bentley on goodpods" style="width: 225px" /> </a>
Copy