That Hoarder: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding

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Today I delve into my experiences of overcoming avoidant behaviours when it comes to decluttering. I share how the Hummingbird Method has been instrumental in breaking down the fear and anxiety associated with tackling daunting hoarded areas.

Join me as I explore the power of gentle, gradual progress and the freedom that comes from challenging rigid beliefs and behaviours.

• New method for managing tasks: hummingbird method.
• Overcoming fears
• Use the hummingbird method to beat procrastination.
• Versatile method adaptable for different tasks and problems.
• Challenging rigid beliefs to overcome hoarding habits.
• Experiment, try new things, open new doors.
• Gentle approach to tasks.
• Change is necessary for progress.
• Trying new things, starting small.
• Understanding the Difficulties of Letting Go
• The fear and difficulty involved in letting go of hoarded items
• The sense of freedom and positive change that can result from letting go
• Exploring hummingbirding
• Overcoming inflexible behavior and thinking through the hummingbird method
• The daunting piles were not as intimidating as imagined
• Challenging limiting rules and stepping into avoided areas to confront tasks
• Embracing a New Approach
• Encouragement to experiment and try new ways of approaching difficult tasks
• Starting with small steps, such as opening the cellar door
• The passive nature of the "Hummingbird method" in breaking down avoidance barriers
• Comparison to a kitten gradually expanding boundaries to become more comfortable
• Applying the Hummingbird Method
• Using the method to tackle fears and avoidance behaviours
• Gradually familiarising yourself with daunting tasks or situations
• Illustrative examples of avoiding tasks and gradually confronting them
• Comparing the method to a child overcoming a fear of balloons at a party
• The importance of flexibility and openness in challenging rigid beliefs and behaviours
• One tool in a range of strategies
• Recognising that there is no one-size-fits-all solution for overcoming hoarding and avoidance behaviours

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Podcast transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/

In this episode I talk about 19 lies we tell ourselves about our stuff that help us to remain hoarders rather than break free from drowning in stuff.

• Acknowledging the Difficulty in Addressing Hoarding Behaviour
• Emphasising the possibility of change and the necessity of taking action.
• Challenging Justifications for Hoarding
• Negative impact on social interactions, emotional well-being, and emergency situations.
• The impact of hoarding on children's well-being and long-term trauma.
• The inefficiency and laborious nature of selling items from a hoard.
• The impracticality of holding onto items because we believe they could be fixed or upcycled.
• Setting deadlines for projects to address items awaiting repair or upcycling.
• Recognising Lies and Contradictions in Hoarding Behaviour
• Separating self-identity from possessions.
• Questioning the necessity of holding rare or one-of-a-kind items.
• Challenging the belief that items might be needed in the future.
• Holding onto clothing that no longer fits.
• Challenging the idea of holding onto items in anticipation of them coming back into fashion.
• Taking Immediate Action to Address Hoarding Behaviour
• Not postponing decluttering and organising efforts.
• Challenging the rationale for holding onto items for sentimental reasons.
• Considering hosting a virtual accountability group for dehoarding together via Zoom call.
• Identifying and Challenging Lies About Belongings
• Encouraging listeners to recognise and challenge lies about their belongings.
• Addressing beliefs about the necessity of more storage items and the significance of keeping just one item.
• Challenging justifications for keeping items, such as receiving them as gifts or having spent money on them.
• Emphasising that love and respect for others are not dependent on holding onto objects.
• Encouraging letting go of unused items, despite their perceived value or sentimental attachment.
• Torn between hoarding and avoiding waste.
• Recognise lies, challenge ourselves, become more accountable.
• Dehoarding reveals need for less storage.
• Overcoming sense of futility, one small effort at a time.
• Love doesn't depend on holding onto belongings.
• Letting go of excess stuff is liberating.
• Don't keep stuff for future fashion trends.
• Clutter affects every aspect of your life.
• Recognising lies, challenging beliefs, and being accountable for actions.
• Don't know what's needed; buying storage adds clutter.
• Letting go of stuff creates space for growth and reduces harm.
• Delaying decluttering prolongs discomfort. Let go of attachments to things from the past.
• Clutter affects mental health and safety, including for children.

Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket

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Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/

I watched a film, "Where Dragons Live," which struck a chord with themes of belongings, families, the meaning of our stuff, and the complexities of dealing with a loved one's stuff after they pass away. I talk about the deeper implications of what we leave behind. Join me as I reflect on the emotional impact of material possessions and the significance of our connections with others.

• Film Review: Where Dragons Live
• Review and discussion of the film "Where Dragons Live"
• Exploration of themes relevant to hoarding, family dynamics and privilege
• Reflection on the concept of treasuring and maintaining possessions
• Analysis of the film’s portrayal of mixed, nuanced emotions and reactions
• Examination of the anxiety surrounding what we leave behind for others
• Emphasis on the impact of hoarding on one's own life and grieving process
• Personal reflection on the burden and worry of leaving behind a hoarding home
• Consideration of the challenges faced by those sorting through a hoarded space
• Insight into the complexities of emotions and decision-making related to hoarding
• Impact Beyond Possessions
• Reflection on the value of relationships and connections beyond physical possessions
• Examination of the meaningful impact individuals can leave on others
• Emphasis on the significance of emotional and personal legacies
• Discussion of minimising physical clutter to alleviate stress for others
• Personal experiences related to friendships and legacies
• Reflection on the meaningful contributions individuals can make in others’ lives
• Recommendations for listeners to consider the impact they leave on others
• Encouragement to prioritise meaningful connections over material possessions
• Mixed emotions lead to decision-making challenges.
• Grieving and hoarding
• Overwhelm
• Leave behind meaningful and powerful positive impact.
• Film subjects reflect on sentimental items.
• Grief and clearing out a hoarded home, finding value in the midst of overwhelming belongings.
• Leaving meaningful impact beyond material possessions.
• The film's focus on balancing material possessions with emotional value
• Minimising belongings for others' sake.

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The topic for today is perfectionism and its connection to hoarding. I talk with Dr Jan Eppingstall about perfectionism and its impact on hoarding behaviour. We share personal experiences and struggles with perfectionism, discussing the fear of failure and the tendency to give up if something cannot be done perfectly.

We also touch upon the importance of psychological flexibility, being present in the moment, and living by our values. Dr. Eppingstall enlightens us with insights on challenging rigid thought patterns, breaking free from the demands of perfection, and embracing personal growth.

• Perfectionism and fear of failure drive hoarding.
• Perfectionism linked to hoarding and obsessive personalities.
• Rigid thinking
• Surprised by others' flexibility
• Children with insecure attachment blame themselves for parents' problems.
• Curiosity, experimentation, and flexibility lead to growth.
• Encouraging exploration leads to personal growth.
• Regretting inaction is a bigger regret.
• Relax, do it wrong, get more done.
• Perfectionism and fear of failure relate to hoarding.
• Concerns over mistakes and parental criticism are prominent.
• Being creative with limited resources to find solutions and not being rigid in following rules or plans.
• Turtle mode hinders logic, self-criticism hampers progress.
• Children with insecure attachment due to a parent's mental illness or preoccupation tend to believe they cause their parents' problems
• They feel pressured to help their parents and seek validation through achievements and obedience to alleviate their parents' sadness or anger.
• Perfectionism linked to trauma response, family expectations.
• Fear of negative emotions, regret of not pursuing dreams.
• People are adaptable and inventive
• Give yourself permission to make mistakes, relax, and get more done
• The reluctance to start or complete tasks to avoid an imperfect outcome
• Self-criticism and lack of confidence as common problems with perfectionism
• Overcoming perfectionism and embracing flexibility
• Psychological flexibility: being present, taking action guided by values
• The importance of curiosity and challenging behaviours
• Living by values rather than solely focusing on goals
• The role of a support system in venturing outside the comfort zone
• Taking small, cautious steps outside the comfort zone
• Opening up slowly leads to personal growth and a sense of accomplishment
• Breaking rigid thought patterns through repeated challenging
• Recognising triggers and behaviours associated with perfectionism
• Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) as helpful approaches
• Perfectionism as a manifestation of people-pleasing and trauma response
• Perfectionism leading to feelings of not being enough or worthy
• Using perfectionism as a coping mechanism for emotions and relationships
• Addressing perfectionism through therapy and exploring its underlying reasons
• Progress and success can still be achieved even if things don't go perfectly or as planned
• Regretting not doing the things we wanted to do in life rather than letting go of physical possessions
• Challenging negative "what if" scenarios and highlighting potential positive outcomes
• Demanding standards, self-criticism, fear of wasting or making mistakes in hoarding behaviour

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

• Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket
• Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe
• Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/

In today's episode, Dr Jan Eppingstall and I explore how to create a ventral vagal space or touchstone to help us regulate our emotions, drawing inspiration from the work of Deb Dana and polyvagal theory. We look at how we can find or create areas within our home, and objects we can use on the go, that provide safety and connection, allowing us to feel grounded and manage overwhelming moments. We'll look at the emotional significance of objects, avoiding those that glower at us, and instead creating spaces filled with comfort and warmth.

• Creating Your Own Ventral Vagal Space
• Permission Slip segment
• Discussion about photographic portraits
• Emotions associated with the portraits
• Objects as Memories
• Significant memories vs. happy memories
• Harriet Impey's notion of "glowering" objects
• Emotional Impact of Objects
• Portraits as a reminder of insecurity
• Ventral Vagal Space Concept
• Use of Deb Dana's work in polyvagal theory
• Connection between emotional safety and physical space
• Explanation of Polyvagal Theory
• Breakdown of the nervous system's stages: ventral vagal, sympathetic, and dorsal vagal
• Relevance of Polyvagal Theory to Hoarding
• Trauma and its relation to object attachment
• Challenges of decision-making in a cluttered environment
• Deb Dana's Home Analogy - Comparison of home systems to body's autonomic systems
• Integration needed for a "full life" and connection
• Practical Application of Ventral Vagal Spaces
• Creating nourishing home spaces
• Abundance
• Importance of Touchstones
• Explanation and significance of touchstones
• Examples of personal or portable calming items
• Creating a Ventral Vagal Space or Touchstone
• Starting small by identifying objects that bring safety and contentment
• Using childhood memories to influence current safe spaces
• Applications and Benefits
• Using the space for emotional regulation
• Touchstones as portable reminders of safety
• Recognising objects that already serve as touchstones
• Importance of awareness and observation in identifying touchstones
• Utilising Resources for Grounding
• Examples of resources: lava lamps, messages, certain sounds
• Strategies for implementing these resources in daily life