68. Who do I want to be in this world? | with Luke Aymon
08/09/22 • 103 min
2 Listeners
“I am responsible for me and my actions.
You are responsible for you and your actions.” ~ Helena
What would it be like if there was more of this in the world?
No more You make me [fill in the blank]... (Or less of it, at least.)
More I get [fill in the blank] when... instead.
Where [fill in the blank] might be angry, happy, sad, upset, elated, excited, triggered.
The latter provides a space for my beloved mellanrum, i.e. Swedish for ‘the space in between’. The room to pause, sense into, act rather than react.
There’s a next level available too, where There is [fill in the blank] when... becomes possible. Giving even more room to disengage, or, perhaps more an opportunity to not identify so strongly to whatever wants to happen in the moment. To let there be Anger. Happiness. Sadness or Upset. Elation, Excitement, Triggering. Desire, Chock or Fear.
“All emotions are players on a stage, and a story without a villain is kind of a boring story, isn't it? And if it's all villains, it's not fun either.” ~ Luke
All of them welcome. All of them valid. In the appropriate context, and it’s all about context! If emotions weren’t vilified, or ridiculed, belittled, or even worse, shamed, would it be easier to dance with them then? Would it be easier to take responsibility for my experience, and honor my boundaries with greater ease if I simultaneously own what I feel while not identifying as what I feel?
“Who do I want to be? What's the culture, what's the quality of the engagement and the connection? What do I want to foster? What do I want to see more of in the world?
Yes! Be that thing.” ~ Helena
Who do you want to be?
Luke echoed me after my rant, repeating the question back to me... and reflecting on this our third conversation, the difference between Being and Doing makes itself known to me. ‘Who do you want to be?’ is the question, not ‘What do you want to do?’.
Perhaps that tankespjärn can be your companion for the day? Or maybe you’ll find another one, while listening!
Links:
Find Luke Aymon on Twitter
Spökguiden with Jacques Schultze
First episode with Luke where we spoke about gaming
Ain’t it awful, from Eric Berne’s book ‘Games people play’
Deep Dive with Eyal Shay, podcast episode with Rachel Clifton
Tankespjärn on Patreon – join us for equally rich conversations on a monthly basis
“I am responsible for me and my actions.
You are responsible for you and your actions.” ~ Helena
What would it be like if there was more of this in the world?
No more You make me [fill in the blank]... (Or less of it, at least.)
More I get [fill in the blank] when... instead.
Where [fill in the blank] might be angry, happy, sad, upset, elated, excited, triggered.
The latter provides a space for my beloved mellanrum, i.e. Swedish for ‘the space in between’. The room to pause, sense into, act rather than react.
There’s a next level available too, where There is [fill in the blank] when... becomes possible. Giving even more room to disengage, or, perhaps more an opportunity to not identify so strongly to whatever wants to happen in the moment. To let there be Anger. Happiness. Sadness or Upset. Elation, Excitement, Triggering. Desire, Chock or Fear.
“All emotions are players on a stage, and a story without a villain is kind of a boring story, isn't it? And if it's all villains, it's not fun either.” ~ Luke
All of them welcome. All of them valid. In the appropriate context, and it’s all about context! If emotions weren’t vilified, or ridiculed, belittled, or even worse, shamed, would it be easier to dance with them then? Would it be easier to take responsibility for my experience, and honor my boundaries with greater ease if I simultaneously own what I feel while not identifying as what I feel?
“Who do I want to be? What's the culture, what's the quality of the engagement and the connection? What do I want to foster? What do I want to see more of in the world?
Yes! Be that thing.” ~ Helena
Who do you want to be?
Luke echoed me after my rant, repeating the question back to me... and reflecting on this our third conversation, the difference between Being and Doing makes itself known to me. ‘Who do you want to be?’ is the question, not ‘What do you want to do?’.
Perhaps that tankespjärn can be your companion for the day? Or maybe you’ll find another one, while listening!
Links:
Find Luke Aymon on Twitter
Spökguiden with Jacques Schultze
First episode with Luke where we spoke about gaming
Ain’t it awful, from Eric Berne’s book ‘Games people play’
Deep Dive with Eyal Shay, podcast episode with Rachel Clifton
Tankespjärn on Patreon – join us for equally rich conversations on a monthly basis
Previous Episode
67. Find what makes you tick | with Özlem Tan
In our third conversation Özlem helped me see something about myself that I’ve never noticed before. I’ve always thought the common thread to everything I’ve done in life, at least from a professional standpoint, has been about change and improvement. I’ve called myself an Agent of Change for many years by now because of that belief.
But Özlem made me see that it’s not the change/improvement itself that’s the attraction for me, that’s not the pull. It’s the people. The connections. The human-to-human interaction that – YES! – gets to be of higher quality when the systems around are conducive for it, when they work as well as can be (and they can always, always (!) be improved).
A lot of this conversation centres on this. On human connection. On finding a path... or perhaps, simply finding the next step, and preferably, it’s one that thrills you:
‘We just need this:
What thrills you now?
What do you wanna learn right now?
What would entice you right now?
What tickles?
Ooh, I wanna go there!’
~ Helena
Do you commute to work? Perhaps have a car for it? When did you last buy new tires for it? Ever change oil, pump the tires, give it a wash now and again? Perhaps you’ve even upgraded your car now and again, gotten a better one?
Now, imagine you are the car. When did you last get yourself a new set of tires? Get a thorough wash, and checked the oil? Do you treat yourself as well as your car? Make sure you have what you need in order to operate as good as you can?
What would this look like for you, personally?
Oh. So many questions! And I could come up with many more. But I won’t. I’ll leave you to join me and Özlem, talking about personal development, finding your own path, as well as starling murmurations, the most beautiful note ever played (by a cello) and much more. Plenty of tankespjärn as always!
Links:
Find Özlem Tan on LinkedIn
Information about Helena’s services, such as coaching
Malmö improv meet up-groups: Malmö Improvisatorium and Improv – The Improvisational Theater
Learning – ‘the first twenty hours’
Fac ut portem Christi mortem, from Stabat Mater by Jens Bragdell Eriksson
The Tankespjärn-community – please join if these conversations entice you!
Next Episode
69. Yes lives in the land of no | with Bella
Picking up on the thread from our last conversation, Bella asks me about the quotation I’d just handed in back then... which has us go down an interesting route of how to face rejection. I am better at facing professional rejections, like getting a No on a quotation, or, for that matter, not really getting any response at all. Personally, I would likely have a harder time, and yet... all of it is based on context. (Again. Context is queen, for sure!)
“Yes lives in the land of no, which has me curiously approaching no’s.” ~ Helena
Yes lives in the land of no, is a statement I’ve heard Steve Chander say over and over again, and it’s really helped me.
“One of the ways I've been playing with No’s [mostly professionally] is by asking people questions and clearly stating that I welcome any clear response.
Give me a Yes, and I'll be thrilled. Give me a No, and I'll be thrilled.” ~ Helena
I’ve been using it more deliberately in professional settings though, and as I sit here typing this episode description, I realize that’s been a safer playground of sorts for me, and it’s time to play more with yeses and no’s personally/privately as well.
“That is why I like these conversations because sometimes you just formulate it when you talk to a friend.” ~ Bella
This is one reason why being in conversation with Bella is helpful to me. And to her.
I hope it is to you too?! That you are a part of this (these) meandering conversation(s) amongst friends, which now and again have you formulate something out loud that suddenly bring about clarity, an insight, or for that matter, a piece of tankespjärn to chew on for a bit.
Links:
Bella (and some more of her music)
64. Discernment is flexible and judgment is rigid | with Bella
Doing Gentle with an Edge, e- and audiobook authored by Helena Roth
Twilight retreat with @wildherbarista and @whentheblackbirdsings_
Women Who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés
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