42: Self-Esteem Sucks. You Need Self-Compassion with Dr Kristin Neff

07/17/23 • 38 min

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I’m excited about today’s guest because she has had a huge influence on me. I can confidently say that finding her research on self-compassion was a turning point in my healing journey. Do you need more self-compassion? Join us to learn more!

Dr. Kristin Neff is a renowned psychologist, self-care researcher, and author. Her work has had a profound impact on the field of psychology and has helped countless people cultivate self-acceptance and resilience.

Show Highlights:

How self-compassion became Dr. Kristin’s main area of research
Understanding self-esteem vs. self-compassion
The three components of self-compassion: mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness
How self-esteem creates comparison and social disconnection by being conditional and unstable
How self-compassion gives the gift of authenticity
The difference between fierce self-compassion and tender self-compassion
How self-compassion helps us get past our shame
Why self-compassion doesn’t mean indulgence
Pathways and blocks to self-compassion
The connection between self-compassion and psychological functioning
How self-compassion helps when we fail and make mistakes
Why the goal of practicing self-compassion is to be simply a compassionate mess who is completely human
Why the practice of self-compassion has to start small with baby steps of warmth and support (What would you say to a friend?)
A look at Dr. Kristin’s latest book, Fierce Self-Compassion
How anger fits into self-compassion

Resources and Links:

Connect with Dr. Kristin and find many helpful resources: Website

Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Show Highlights:

How self-compassion became Dr. Kristin’s main area of research
Understanding self-esteem vs. self-compassion
The three components of self-compassion: mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness
How self-esteem creates comparison and social disconnection by being conditional and unstable
How self-compassion gives the gift of authenticity
The difference between fierce self-compassion and tender self-compassion
How self-compassion helps us get past our shame
Why self-compassion doesn’t mean indulgence
Pathways and blocks to self-compassion
The connection between self-compassion and psychological functioning
How self-compassion helps when we fail and make mistakes
Why the goal of practicing self-compassion is to be simply a compassionate mess who is completely human
Why the practice of self-compassion has to start small with baby steps of warmth and support (What would you say to a friend?)
A look at Dr. Kristin’s latest book, Fierce Self-Compassion
How anger fits into self-compassion

Resources and Links:

Connect with Dr. Kristin and find many helpful resources: Website

Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Previous Episode

41: Breaking Free from Self-Improvement with Frankie Simmons

I’m so excited to have my first in-person guest on the podcast! Frankie Simmons is here, and she’s literally sitting right next to me. I love Frankie’s TikTok content, and I resonate with so much of what she says. I feel like she is a younger version of me, as we have similar backgrounds and healing journeys. I hope you will join us for this conversation!

Show Highlights:

Get to know Frankie and our thoughts on being fellow Texans
How Frankie exited her background in Christianity and fear and began to explore the world
Why Frankie does TikToks about her functional responses to trauma and finding self-trust
The journey from fear and insecurity into feeling worthy and accepted
How Frankie experienced a mind-blowing shift in her approach to life
Why Frankie has chosen to be sober–and how that has changed her life and relationships
Frankie’s journey to understand herself as a confident introvert
How we can experience a different version of life when we accept ALL of ourselves
What things are like in Frankie’s relationship with love and acceptance
How it harms us to be taught that we should feel guilty if life is “easy” and not a constant struggle
How Frankie and KC describe their current relationship with Christianity, faith, and spirituality

Resources and Links:

Connect with Frankie Simmons: TikTok and Instagram

Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Next Episode

43: Codependency Doesn’t Exist with Shahem McLaurin

"Dear Listeners,

"We want to inform you that this episode marks the end of our current season. We would like to take a break during the month of August to recharge and prepare exciting new content for you. We will be back with fresh episodes in September, filled with engaging discussions and insightful interviews. We appreciate your support and look forward to reconnecting with you soon"

-KC Davis

Codependency is one of those buzzwords often used in therapy and mental health around relationships. Today’s guest has provoked a lot of feedback by challenging people’s views on this subject. Join us for this intriguing conversation.

I’m joined by one of my favorite people on TikTok, Shahem Mclaurin, a social worker in Brooklyn, NY, with over 500,000 followers on social media. Shahem is self-described as a person who is “queer as hell, Black as hell, and loud as hell.” They use their platform to address a wide range of social and mental health issues impacting people of color, patriarchy-impacted people, and members of the LGBTQ+ community.

Show Highlights:

● How Shahem’s view of codependency has challenged the worldview of many people

● Why Shahem got a lot of blowback from his thoughts on codependency when he began to challenge popular worldviews

● Why we need to differentiate between attention-seeking and connection-seeking behaviors

● Why people get defensive when their “codependency identification” is challenged

● How the term codependency originated as part of popular therapeutic language

● How our culture sees having empathy for someone and expecting accountability from them as opposites that can’t both be true at the same time

● Thoughts on codependency, outside validation, connectivity, and feeling emotionally safe

● How to take a look at your unique journey “in the pool”

Resources and Links:

Connect with Shahem: TikTok and Instagram

Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices