Silencing Harmful Grief Narratives with MANDY CAPEHART

10/21/22 • 55 min

Today I’m talking with Mandy Capehart, author, speaker, and certified grief and life coach. She’s the founder of the restorative grief project, an online resource for grievers looking for growth and healing. Today, she’s here to speak loud about grief literacy, and the language needed to navigate grief for ourselves and others.

The Unalignment of Grief

Mandy recounts having lost someone to death almost every year of her life. While she was grieving almost constantly, she says that she wasn’t doing so in a good way. She coped with humor and by minimizing herself to service others. The first eye opener came in high school, when her senior class shared a loss of another classmate and Mandy began to realize that not all of the methods used to move through grief were effective.

In 2016, Mandy’s mother died 4 months after being diagnosed with cancer. Mandy had just had a baby and had planned on her mother being with her to help take care of her grandchild. After taking the time needed to process, Mandy began exploring what she recognized as the unalignment of thoughts, emotions, body, and spirit when someone is grieving. Since then, she’s been speaking publicly and educating herself and others.

Be Heard, Known, and Loved

Part of Mandy’s goal is teaching people how to be heard—and how to listen to others. Bearing witness, as she explains it, is more than just holding space for someone. It’s experiencing the honest truth of what they’re going through without judgment or advice on how to ‘fix’ a situation.

For someone going through grief, Mandy says it’s important to know yourself and your support group. Who would you call if you need an ear or a hug and who would you call if you need someone to organize your linen closet? It’s okay to be specific. The same goes for supporters. If there’s something that you can offer, let your friend know. Trauma survivors know how tough they are. Sometimes they need the space to be heard, known, and loved rather than having someone try to fix the situation.

Grieving Outside of Church

When Mandy’s mother died, Mandy had been leading a worship at church. After that loss, she didn’t know how to work through her feelings within the faith. Many people within the faith minimized her pain by supporting a religious agenda or their own beliefs. She stepped down as a worship leader, knowing she couldn’t lead herself, let alone others.

Mandy’s book came from this time of reflection and exploration of what faith means in this new world. She realized that the church did not know how to support her and also noticed that it wasn’t able to support people through the pandemic. Her book offers a guide for people within the church realms to move past scriptures and lean into the practical element with daily prompts and quotes and practical resources to revisit whenever needed.

Listen in to learn more about the Restorative Grief Project, the cyclical nature of grief, and how to start talking about grief in your life.

The Unalignment of Grief

Be Heard, Known, and Loved

Grieving Outside of Church

Listen in to learn more about the Restorative Grief Project, the cyclical nature of grief, and how to start talking about grief in your life.

Previous Episode

Living Vibrantly with DONNA TASHIJAN

Today I’m talking with Donna Tashijan, a life mastery coach and founder of the Vibrant Living International nonprofit. Donna specializes in turning baggage into luggage, accelerating transformations for people across the globe. She’s the author of 4 books and is known for having a “knack for turning fear into excitement” through speaking and coaching.

Finding Support Early

At 14, Donna was assaulted and became pregnant, giving birth to her first child by 15. The judgment of teenage pregnancy caused feelings of shame, resentment, and anger. She developed a fear of failing as a mother before even starting her own life and had to learn to rise above.

For someone who might be in a similar situation, Donna says that she wishes she had spoken to herself differently. Self-talk can be an important tool for healing. She also encourages people to look for support, and that there is more help available than you might think.

Helping Women’s Transformations

The focus of Donna’s nonprofit, Vibrant Living International, is “to help people to rise above the pain and disappointment that life can bring so that they can live the life of their dreams with confidence and ease.” Vibrant Living was established 10 years ago when Donna was considering what she could do that would both support her and

Donna has been a life coach for more than 25 years, but has always been a supportive ally for friends in need. Her oldest daughter has told her that for as long as she could remember, “women have been on the couch crying and you were helping them.” Through Vibrant Living International, her podcast, and 4 books, Donna has shared that advice and care with thousands.

Turning Baggage Into Luggage

As a life coach, Donna has developed the phrase, ‘turning baggage into luggage.’ ‘Baggage-thinking’ includes thoughts and feelings of low self-esteem, vengeance, resentment, negative self-talk, and so on. These are legitimate and valid feelings, Donna says, but luggage-thinking is what brings about change.

‘Luggage-thinking’ happens when someone begins to see their past or trauma not as their entire life story, but as a single chapter, page, or even paragraph. At 15, Donna felt like what had happened to her was the end of the world, but now she stresses the importance of looking for the gifts in the pain. How will this help me grow, now? It’s a gift wrapped in sandpaper, Donna says, not a pretty bow.

Listen in to learn Donna’s 4 steps for transformation, what modalities she uses for healing, and her future plans for herself and her business.

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Building Confidence with DEBBY KRUSZEWSKI

Today I’m talking with Debby Kruszewski, a coach, consultant, and author of “Soul Meets Body: Six Degrees of You” and several other books. After being ‘dream crushed’ by corporate America, Debby decided to listen to her inner voice, leave the corporate world, and begin writing. Today she’s here to speak loud about self worth, respect, and integrity.

Being Dream Crushed

As a woman in an executive position in corporate America, Debby had dealt with more than her fair share of sexism in the workplace. One instance stands out to her, when a recruiter belittled and gaslit her about being a woman in her job position. At a certain point, Debby had to stop and reflect. Who she was was more important than a job. So, she left the corporate world, and began to write.

Debby never thought about becoming a writer before, but when she left her job, she heard a voice telling her, “Leave, and I’ll take care of it.” She listened, and the storylines began pouring out. She fell in love with the characters who were mirroring her own life and experiences and wanted to share those moments and lessons with others.

Choosing Self Respect

“How many situations is it easier to take the hit for the greater good?” Debby asks. When faced with uncomfortable, disrespectful, or belittling behavior, oftentimes we think it’s better to suck it up and keep the peace. However, she explains that there is a difference between being a nice person—and being abused. Debby encourages listeners to leave the situations in which you’re treated this way and find something better, as she did.

Finding the courage to stand up to people treating you wrongly is not an overnight process, Debby explains. Recognition, self-healing, and forgiveness are the ‘first draft’ — from there, it’s a long path, but incredibly worth it. Acknowledging the situations where, how, and why you were being treated wrongly allows you to unveil what’s holding you back. Forgiving yourself for the things you weren’t able to do at the time will release the weight you’re holding onto from those situations, and let you identify what you want, so that you can start building that path to your dreams.

Rising Above Negativity

Much of Debby’s teachings revolve around self-confidence and self-worth. One little step at a time, she believes that anyone can rise above and overcome the things that are putting them down. Even in a powerless phase, you have the autonomy to say goodbye to negativity and release the things you couldn’ control. Inner strength and confidence comes out of refusing to let negativity dictate your life.

Debby hopes that listeners know that everyone deserves to live a wonderful life and that this conversation helps people know that they are all capable of getting out of situations that no longer serve them.

Listen in to learn more about Debby’s inspirational blog, how her books offer a look at truth and tragedy, and her exclusive offer for Speak Loud Podcast listeners.