Overcoming Shame After Sexual Abuse with Rena Romano

12/31/21 • 48 min

What a joy it was to speak with Rena Romano for the last episode of the season. Rena has gone from childhood sexual abuse to contemplating suicide, from appearing on the Oprah Show to the TEDx stage. She’s a respected speaker, author, TEDx coach, and a “sur-THRIVER” of abuse with a mission to show people how to live the endless possibilities of positive life after trauma.

Rena’s abuse persisted for nearly 20 years, from age 4. At such a young age, she had no language for what was happening to her, and was unable to speak up about what she was going through. When she was older, she knew it would have torn her family apart to speak up, but as an adult reflects that it’s not the child’s responsibility to stop the crime.

Even after escaping her situation, Rena still struggled with abuse in early adulthood. Perpetrators of rape and abuse were like a lion sniffing out blood, sensing when their victims are most weak or wounded. Rena was addicted to abuse, believing it to be what love looked like, and continued to attract it into her life.

The Law of Attraction doesn’t work unless you put it into motion, Rena says. Having watched Oprah talk with other sur-THRIVERs, Rena was certain she would be on the show. She sent in an email with her story and waited, but even in the 2 years leading up to that call, she spoke and acted like she already knew she was going to be on air--which she did.

One of Rena’s favorite practices is writing. For 5-15 minutes a day, she would sit down and create her future through writing. She would write about how happy and grateful she was that her TEDx talk had reached so many people, long before it had happened. “Happy is the best revenge,” she says.

In overcoming abuse, Rena says to speak about what you’ve gone through. Survivors have no reason to be ashamed of crimes committed against them. Writing her book, “His Puppet No More”, was like spitting out the last bit of cancer that Rena still carried from her abuse. The more she shared her story, the more healed she was. “Healing begins by telling, but we must make telling safe.” Rena hopes that other sur-THRIVERs listening in know that they are enough and have nothing to be ashamed of.

Listen in to hear more about Rena’s journey, how she wrote her book, and her advice for success and healing.

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For more information and support, visit RAINN

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Listen in to hear more about Rena’s journey, how she wrote her book, and her advice for success and healing.

Resources Mentioned

Join Me on Speak Loud Platform

Speak Loud Podcast on the web

Find Rena’s services on her website

For more information and support, visit RAINN

Spread the message of Speak Loudly Podcast and share this episode with a friend!

Previous Episode

"Prayed Upon" with AMY NORDHUES

Today's amazing guest is Amy Nordhues. Amy is an author, passionate Christ follower, and a married mother of 3 who became an expert on the healing God provides after suffering sexual abuse at the hands fo a mental health professional. Her book, “Prayed Upon” tells the true story of her escape from the abuse of a respected, Church-going psychiatrist. Amy strives to help other victims understand themselves and know that they're not alone.

Amy first met her psychiatrist 7 years before the abuse started. She had sensed something amiss immediately and had not gone back. Upon finding and falling in love with a church community, where he was one of the elders, Amy found herself sucked in again. Other Church-goers praised the doctor’s work, and when a friend gave Amy her session for free, the grooming had begun.

Amy says that part of her recognized the malpractice right away, but she struggled with an internal monologue that explained away any of the red flags she noticed. Her desire to be polite in front of an authority figure, as well as her history of being abused as a child, had removed the word ‘No’ from her vocabulary.

Amy had confided in a friend from Church about what was happening in her sessions multiple times, but it wasn’t until she decided to speak with her pastor that change began to happen.

The moment that Amy was able to get out of her abusive situation was by having her friend sit with her through the scheduled timeof her therapy, which was now three hours long. The doctor called nine times while her friend manned the phone. When the three hours were over, Amy knew that by not going once she would never go again.

Connecting with others allowed for Amy to see the harsh reality she had been in. Not only was she not alone in her trauma, she was not defective or at fault because of it. Throughout her recovery, Amy re-learned how to be vulnerable and how to connect with her husband and family, a journey that has transformed her married life.

Writing her book, “Prayed Upon” allowed Amy to understand herself. The book took about 7 years, but by putting it on paper, she let herself understand what had happened and forgive herself for not leaving earlier. The book cover, of a bird sitting in a cage with the door open, symbolizes her internal struggle of why she didn’t leave earlier. The book has helped Amy and other women know that, “It’s not just me.”

Listen in to hear Amy’s account of how her experience affected her marriage, what modalities of healing she sought out in recovery, and how her relationship with God facilitated her recovery.

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Next Episode

Split Testing Your Life to Overcome Trauma with JOSH BOONE

Today I’m joined by Josh Boone, a marketing advisor and fellow podcaster from “The Josh Boone Show”, where he has talks with some of the world’s most unique thinkers. On his show, Josh deconstructs society, psychology, and purpose, and hopes to share some of the things he’s learned and show that while he may still struggle with mental health, it doesn’t stop him from living his life.

When asked about what modalities he uses, Josh says, “Everything.” He considers himself an optimizer, given his marketing background. He uses the concept of ‘split-testing’ to try different practices at the same time, testing what works and what doesn’t. Meditation, books, and supplements have been some of the most impactful.

Josh emphasizes the importance of creating a buffer. Meditation helps separate himself from his thoughts. “Not my circus, not my monkeys,” Josh says. He’s also recently turned to functional medicine. Many people struggle with feelings of being ‘broken, when in reality a physiological deficiency--like magnesium, which correlates to high anxiety--may be the root cause.

Catapult Creative was Josh’s seven-figure marketing company, where he pulled 100-hour work weeks. While the company was an outward success, Josh was ultimately unhappy. Upon reaching a breaking point, he asked himself, “What am I optimizing for?” The company wasn’t serving him and he needed a change in lifestyle. So, Josh packed up and started living on the road in an RV.

After 3 weeks, despite feeling like he had everything he wanted, Josh felt even more miserable. He reflects that when dealing with trauma, you need to give yourself time to decompress, like a soldier coming home from war. He had only given it three weeks, so he decided to see it through.

Two years later, Josh was finally feeling enlightened, but realizing that his life lacked purpose and connection. Moving back to Ohio, he started work again with the question, “What do I want to do?” He wanted to consult, work fewer hours, and do his podcast. But his enlightenment fell away once work began. Suddenly, he was right back where started--until the pandemic put everything on pause.

In the last year, Josh learned to approach life as a surfer, rather than a pilot. The surfer doesn’t fight the wave, but moves symbiotically with it. The pilot has a destination in mind that he needs to reach no matter what. Josh shares that the practicing awareness in the day-to-day has improved his life little-by-little. “Pain is not something you should avoid,” Josh says, and hopes that his story will help others retake control of their own lives.

Listen in to hear Josh’s take on toxic relationships, borderline personality disorder, and functional medicine modalities.

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Find Josh’s podcast on his website

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