139: Expectations
12/01/22 • 29 min
On this week’s episode of the She Doesn’t Settle podcast, I talk about expectations, what happens when we fail to meet them, and why we often pursue the wrong goals. Have you ever set a goal or had high expectations for yourself that you never realized? Chances are it didn’t make you feel good, and you probably beat yourself up for it. The thing is when expectations differ from reality, we let it derail us completely. Sometimes we even reach our goal and realize that we’re no happier than we were when we started working towards it. It turns out that many of us don’t know how to set sustainable goals, and that’s just what I want to talk about today.
In today's episode, I walk you through healthy ways to set goals and expectations and the value of resilience. See, real growth takes place when plans go awry–when you're gasping for air while running that marathon or not getting the raise you think you deserve. It’s all about how you learn from these lessons and navigate their roadblocks. So instead of expecting perfection in your life, welcome adaptability, redirection, and resilience with open arms. Most importantly though, join me on today’s She Doesn’t Settle episode to hear about some of my great failures, a certain someone’s Thanksgiving meltdown, and how you too can start pursuing the right goals.
The Finer Details of this Episode:
- When expectations differ from reality
- Pursuing the wrong goals
- Setting realistic and sustainable goals
- Adaptive expectations
- When plans go awry
- Learning resilience
Quotes:
“We can have everything planned out and try to nail it. Sometimes everything falls apart, or other stuff is going on; things get derailed. It happens. So we can either shame ourselves, get mad at ourselves and fall apart, or we roll with it.”
“If we have this idea of what is going to happen, and I'll walk through some examples, then we expect that thing to happen. And then what if it doesn't? Expectations are what we think will happen, and reality is what actually happens. While we hope these two will be the same, they often are not.”
“Having a set idea of what you want or need from a situation is another way that expectations play out.”
“Your expectations may cause you to think that achieving certain goals will bring joy, satisfaction, and all of those things. Sometimes, these predictions are wrong, which means that we're pursuing the wrong goals.”
“He kept saying, ‘I never want to do this again. I don't want to do this again next year.’ Because at that moment, his experience was so bad. But we can't let one derail experience– one expectation that was not met - keep us from continuing to move forward.”
“I think it's important to note and acknowledge that sometimes our expectations, when we do meet them, don't actually give us the feelings that we thought we were going to get. And that's a harsh reality.”
“Whether you succeed or fail, your overall expectation should simply be to learn as you go, to navigate those nasty barriers, and to pivot and move forward.”
Links:
She Doesn’t Settle - The Experience: www.kellytravis.net/sds
Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kellythealth/
On this week’s episode of the She Doesn’t Settle podcast, I talk about expectations, what happens when we fail to meet them, and why we often pursue the wrong goals. Have you ever set a goal or had high expectations for yourself that you never realized? Chances are it didn’t make you feel good, and you probably beat yourself up for it. The thing is when expectations differ from reality, we let it derail us completely. Sometimes we even reach our goal and realize that we’re no happier than we were when we started working towards it. It turns out that many of us don’t know how to set sustainable goals, and that’s just what I want to talk about today.
In today's episode, I walk you through healthy ways to set goals and expectations and the value of resilience. See, real growth takes place when plans go awry–when you're gasping for air while running that marathon or not getting the raise you think you deserve. It’s all about how you learn from these lessons and navigate their roadblocks. So instead of expecting perfection in your life, welcome adaptability, redirection, and resilience with open arms. Most importantly though, join me on today’s She Doesn’t Settle episode to hear about some of my great failures, a certain someone’s Thanksgiving meltdown, and how you too can start pursuing the right goals.
The Finer Details of this Episode:
- When expectations differ from reality
- Pursuing the wrong goals
- Setting realistic and sustainable goals
- Adaptive expectations
- When plans go awry
- Learning resilience
Quotes:
“We can have everything planned out and try to nail it. Sometimes everything falls apart, or other stuff is going on; things get derailed. It happens. So we can either shame ourselves, get mad at ourselves and fall apart, or we roll with it.”
“If we have this idea of what is going to happen, and I'll walk through some examples, then we expect that thing to happen. And then what if it doesn't? Expectations are what we think will happen, and reality is what actually happens. While we hope these two will be the same, they often are not.”
“Having a set idea of what you want or need from a situation is another way that expectations play out.”
“Your expectations may cause you to think that achieving certain goals will bring joy, satisfaction, and all of those things. Sometimes, these predictions are wrong, which means that we're pursuing the wrong goals.”
“He kept saying, ‘I never want to do this again. I don't want to do this again next year.’ Because at that moment, his experience was so bad. But we can't let one derail experience– one expectation that was not met - keep us from continuing to move forward.”
“I think it's important to note and acknowledge that sometimes our expectations, when we do meet them, don't actually give us the feelings that we thought we were going to get. And that's a harsh reality.”
“Whether you succeed or fail, your overall expectation should simply be to learn as you go, to navigate those nasty barriers, and to pivot and move forward.”
Links:
She Doesn’t Settle - The Experience: www.kellytravis.net/sds
Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kellythealth/
Previous Episode
138: Find People Who Will Cheer You On (And Not Hold You Back)
Hi there, everyone! Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of the She Doesn’t Settle podcast. Today, I’d like to talk to you about the power of community. If you’re currently a part of a healthy community, then you already know very well the difference it can make in your life. Being a part of a community can lift you up when you’re down, it can push you to become a better version of yourself, and it can support you on your path to success. That being said, when you don’t have anyone in your life to be there for you and cheer you on, it can be detrimental to your mental health. That’s why it’s absolutely vital to find your tribe.
In this episode, I talk about my new ‘She Doesn’t Settle’ group program, where I gather strong women who want to take their lives to another level together. Whether you want to get unstuck, make a big career shift or work on your self-image, you will have a much better chance of success if you have support along the way. And that’s exactly what the ‘She Doesn’t Settle’ program is here for. If you want to hear more about it as well as learn about the most significant benefits of being a part of a supportive community, make sure you join me in this week’s episode!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- ‘She Doesn’t Settle’ group program
- The importance of community
- The benefits of being a part of a healthy community
- Lifting each other up
Quotes:
“I didn't realize how much I needed community until a certain time in my life when I was trying to make change, create change, and having the right support system. Having the right people at that time is so helpful.”
“Our communities can either make us or break us.”
“What I love about community is that our strengths may be someone else's weaknesses and vice versa. ”
“We need to make sure that we're surrounded by people who are cheering for us, who aren't selfishly going to try to sabotage or hold us back.”
“With so much stress in this chaotic world we are living in, there's never been a more important time to have support when you are struggling or when you are working on something hard and scary.”
“What will happen if you don't, if you just keep staying safe and stuck? What will happen a year from now, two years from now?”
Links:
Next Episode
140: It's Never Too Late
It’s Never Too Late
In this week’s brief episode of the She Doesn’t Settle podcast, I want to talk to you all about that sense of dread we feel when we fear our dreams are overdue. As I record this episode, I’m about to lace up to run another marathon. And that’s no small feat given my toxic relationship with the sport during my collegiate career. Many of my listeners might not know that I developed a severe eating disorder that ended my collegiate career. The point is that it took me years to overcome an illness and return to the sport that once brought me so much joy.
I, like most adults in their 40s, 50s, and 60s, was tired of listening to the voice in my head that said it was too late to pursue my dreams or even start pursuing a new one. I had to give myself grace to start over. So as I’m about to return to another race, I figured that now was a good time to remind you that, no matter how many setbacks you’ve had, it isn’t too late. So listen to today’s episode as I tell my story, and use it to inspire yours. And last but not least, remember that, even though your goal may seem far away, the messy middle is where the magic happens - don’t forget to enjoy the journey along the way.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- My toxic collegiate career
- Overcoming an eating disorder
- Returning to running
- Shifting dreams
- Enjoying the process
Quotes:
“By the end of my freshman year, he had written up a contract for me. And he said, ‘Travis, if you lose X amount of weight by the time you come back in the fall, you will get x, y and z.”
“Every time I tried to return to running or racing competitively, I would relapse. So I stopped racing all together.”
“And from that I had something to prove. I had to walk away from my running career way too soon, not in the way I wanted to.”
“I've really been able to prove to myself that it's never too late to go after those old dreams or to create new ones, and we can change what those dreams look like to fit where we are in our life. It's never too late.”
“That messy middle is really where all the magic happens. That's where you prove to yourself over and over again how badass you are.”
Links:
She Doesn’t Settle - The Experience: www.kellytravis.net/sds
Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kellythealth/
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