Self-Regulation Toolkit for Painful Times

07/14/22 • 32 min

Sex.Love.Power.: Sacred Sexuality, Conscious Polarity, and Waking Up In Love

These past few weeks have been tough on our nervous systems. Many people are hurting and bewildered. I wondered how I could best help through the podcast, and what came to me was that this popular episode, recorded with my friend Jessica Pullins, PhD, is the best set of tools I can give you to help you pull yourself and others through when your heart and mind are reeling.

If you have a nervous system, you need this episode.

And particularly if you ever:

Rreact strongly to your partner and want to fight or flee or both
Feel exhausted, at an emotional or energetic level, by your day
Freeze up and find yourself unable to speak, move forward, or interact

This intro to what's REALLY going on, and what you can do about it, can be life-changing. It's self-care, it's relationship elevating, it's survival skills. It's good.
As you listen to this episode, you'll learn about:

The nervous system state we must be in for connection to work, and the three other states we’re always moving in and out.
Why stonewalling, withdrawal, or non-responsiveness in relationship aren’t always a partner being unloving or deliberately withdrawn and what’s sometimes REALLY going on instead.
How, sometimes, what looks like depression is just a nervous system state of “freeze” and what you can do about it.

And more. E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.
"If you can find strategies to get back into your body via the senses, that will get you grounded and calm. THAT'S WHAT GROUNDING IS."

- Dr. Jessica Pullins
Hot Moments in This Episode:

Recognizing when its a state vs when it’s a trait (11:24)
When otherwise articulate people lose the ability to speak (13:33)
Common triggers of freeze states (16:03)
Learning to notice freeze response by noticing it in your partner and others (27:27)

I hope you find this episode helps you see some of your own and your partner’s experiences in a refreshing new light. I hope it helps you remember your exquisite beauty, divinity, and intrinsic aliveness. And may the light within you illuminate the world around you.

6. RESOURCES OR LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Self Regulation Toolkit Download

If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.

If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you, please leave a rating and ideally a review on your favorite podcast platform.
Ready to bring about a transformation in your relationship to yourself, your body, and your partner? CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.

If you have a nervous system, you need this episode.

And particularly if you ever:

Rreact strongly to your partner and want to fight or flee or both
Feel exhausted, at an emotional or energetic level, by your day
Freeze up and find yourself unable to speak, move forward, or interact

The nervous system state we must be in for connection to work, and the three other states we’re always moving in and out.
Why stonewalling, withdrawal, or non-responsiveness in relationship aren’t always a partner being unloving or deliberately withdrawn and what’s sometimes REALLY going on instead.
How, sometimes, what looks like depression is just a nervous system state of “freeze” and what you can do about it.

- Dr. Jessica Pullins
Hot Moments in This Episode:

Recognizing when its a state vs when it’s a trait (11:24)
When otherwise articulate people lose the ability to speak (13:33)
Common triggers of freeze states (16:03)
Learning to notice freeze response by noticing it in your partner and others (27:27)

6. RESOURCES OR LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Self Regulation Toolkit Download

Previous Episode

Time Alone Together Ambivalence

Do you find yourself saying, "We're so busy, I feel like roommates?” Or maybe you say, "We know we need to go on dates, but we never seem to get around to it. And then if we do go, a lot of times we get into a fight." Today on Sex. Love. Power., we're talking about spending more time together. Whether that's talking, having fun, or getting naked together. We're going to cover how to recognize the resistance so you can break through those totally understandable obstacles and actually get more closeness and heat between you.

As you listen to this episode, we’ll talk about:

Why time alone together matters for your relationship in the long-term
The reasons you don’t spend time together, even if you know you should
How to keep alone time from turning into a conflict
The habits that are keeping you from truly connecting and new ones you can form

And more.
E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.
“We need to have more fun together. In order to help us resolve some of these conflicts. It's not the other way around, where we have to resolve these conflicts before we can have fun together.”
-Michele Lisenbury Christensen

Hot Moments in This Episode:

The six reasons time together can be uncomfortable [5:44]
What to do if you don’t have anything to talk about together [8:51]
Why you are disappointed with the time you spend with your partner [13:23]
Why you might want to start with being alone with yourself first [17:05]

I hope that you are inspired to experiment with these ideas just a little bit, and then build from there so that you can give and receive more joy or pleasure and more care.
If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.

Next Episode

Bringing Up a Charged Topic

Something your partner did cause you pain and frustration. You want to tell them what hurt you, but you seem to always end up in a fight when you bring it up. Sound familiar? In this episode, I get into the specifics of how you can deliver feedback about something your partner did and what you'd like them to do differently in a way that actually gets results. Every single couple has to have these conversations, but you can develop skills that can reduce the negative fallout and even bring you closer.

As you listen to this episode, you’ll hear about:

What NOT to do in an emotionally-charged conversation
The steps you can use every time to have conversations that help you feel closer
How to remember the point of these conversations when you're in the middle of it
Reducing the amount of residual pain that comes from messy conversations
Why and how to take ownership of your feelings in a conversation

And more.
“That's a big part of what relationships can do for us. They give us a safe place to work out old feelings”-Michele Lisenbury Christensen

Hot Moments in This Episode:

Why you shouldn’t “air your grievances” (3:57)
How a laminated checklist helped my relationship (9:41)
Why you might set a time limit on your conversations (11:08)
The “cheap booby prize” you may be taking instead of satifaction (15:02)

I hope that today's podcast can help you have conversations in a more productive way and feel like your pains are actually doorways to more closeness, deeper intimacy and more joy together. And may the light within you illuminate the world around you.

RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Related episodes of Sex.Love.Power:

Defensiveness episode

Poorly Timed Conversations episode

The 5 Winning Relationship Strategies episode

The 5 Losing Relationship Strategies episode

Terry Real’s books:

The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Love Work