Help! I’m only attracted to the “wrong type” & what to do when I’m no longer “in love”

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01/05/23 • 37 min

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Why am I only attracted to "toxic" partners? How can I heal & move on from old wounds? What do I do when I love my partner, but I'm no longer "in love"? How do you define love? How do I deal with a partner who blames everyone else for their problems? Psychologist Dr. Alexandra Solomon joins Jess & Brandon to answer your relationship questions. She explains why we sometimes avoid healthy relationships and; why we might; be drawn to harmful ones. And she also provides a nuanced look at how learning and healing from old wounds can help us to change the future -- without dwelling on the past. Finally, they discuss how couples can deal with the challenge of loving one another while no longer being "in love". Follow Dr. Alexandra Solomon's work: Reimagining Love Podcast Alexandra's Website Instagram Thank you to Lovehoney for their support of this podcast! Save on toys, lingerie, and much more at Lovehoney.com with code DRJESS15 And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Help! I'm only attracted to the "wrong type" & what to do when I'm no longer "in love" Participant #1: You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I'm your co host Brandon Ware, here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Happy New Year. Happy New Year 2023. This is going to be a good one. And I'm excited for our conversation today because we're going to talk about being in love versus loving someone. We're going to talk about the paradox of healing. I'm hoping to talk about attraction to people that you don't want to be attracted to and lack of attraction to the people you do want to attracted to, be attracted to. With Dr. Alexandra Solomon, who is a psychologist, she's got a huge following on Instagram. She got her own podcast. I'm super excited for that. Before she joins us, big shout out to our sponsor launching us into 2023. My friends at Love Honey and I have been working with Love Honey for a long, long, long time. Long, long, long, long time. And you can check out all of their goodies. They have a whole bunch of New Year's sales. And I've got an extra discount code. Dr. Jess Ten for Lovehoney.com. Lovehoney CA all the different Love Honey sites. So if you're looking for lingerie, if you're looking for latexware, if you're looking for all the good vibes to start the year with good vibes, love Honey.com code Dr. Jess Ten to say. All right, without further ado, we are going to get into this. Joining us now is Dr. Alexandra H. Solomon, a psychologist and author, the host of her own podcast, Reimagining Love, that covers everything relationship related, from your background in therapy to academic approaches to pop culture, representations of relationships and how that affects how we relate in real life, basically all the practical aspects of relating. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for having me. This is such a treat to get to spend some time with you. Yes. And a great way to start 2023, because you're brilliant. You have you have a couple of books. You have not only the podcast Reimagining Love You Have Taking Sexy Back How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want. Best Selling Award winning book. And you have another book. Loving bravely 20 Lessons of Self Discovery to help you get the love you want. And you have a big following on Instagram and everyone needs to go check out Dr. Alexandra Solomon on IG.

Previous Episode

Revolutionize Relationships In 2023

Let's start 2023 on the right foot with some easy strategies for happier, more fulfilling relationships of - all kinds. Jess and Brandon share; 7 simple resolutions ranging from the sexual to the practical. Thank you to Lovehoney for their support of this podcast! Save on toys, lingerie, and much more at Lovehoney.com with code DRJESS10 And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Revolutionize Relationships In 2023 Participant #1: You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I'm your co host Brandon Ware, here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Last one of 2022. Wow. 2022. Done. There you go. Oh, how was your year? It was good. Are you surprised that I said good? I know Brandon's response to everything is good. Like, we had the most delicious meal last night. Our friend took us for wow. Yeah, that was great. That was really okay. The wagyu it was great. Okay. That's an extreme response for Brandon, but every time we cook something delicious, he's like, yeah, it's good. You're not a pleasure to cook for wow. You are correct. You're not a pleasure to eat with jazz. No, I didn't mean it that way. But you don't even mean no, I get it. If you cook for me or my family, we're like, oh, my gosh, you guys are so good. You're making noise while the food you're like, what is happening over here, man? But, yeah, no, I generally respond with it. Yeah, it's good. Okay, so was this a good year for you? Yes, it was. Okay. I'm asking that because there's some key findings that came out of the Ipsos Global Advisor Predictions goal for 2023, and I want to look at some other predictions and talk a little bit about the topic at hand today, which is resolutions to revolutionize relationships in 2023 and beyond. But before they got to the predictions for 2023, they offered a very brief 2022 in retrospect, and 73% say this year was a bad year for my country, which is down 77% from 21 and down from 90% in 20. So we're seeing improvement, although 73% saying, this is a bad year for my country is pretty high. This is a global survey, by the way, and the range was from 44% in Saudi Arabia, so the most positive in the lower to 87% in Hungary. And 56% across the globe say that this year was a bad year for me and my family, which is down only 2% from 2021 and down considerably 14% from 70% in 2020. So overall, we're still seeing negative perception, and in the predictions I'll go over in just a moment, we're seeing pessimism, but it's all of those negative trending in the right direction. Exactly. So the negativity is trending down. So I wouldn't say this year was a bad year for me and my family. I guess I'd fall into the 44%. Yeah, I would agree. I feel the same way. I mean, again, perspective challenges, like, what are you up against? But for me personally, I thought it had a good year for me and my family, and there was some stuff that happened, too, and 2022 for me flew by. Yeah, I agree. Wow. Reflecting back now on the entire year, it whipped by, and maybe because there's so much happening globally. Like, when you think back as to the news that hit at the beginning of the year, it's hard to believe that it was a year ago. I don't have a reference right now. You could put me on the spot, but I'm trying to remember major, significant events that happened in January. Well, a year ago today, it was the big was it Omar Crown breakout? Not today today,

Next Episode

Kinks, Fetishes & Pervertibles

What’s the difference between a fetish and a kink? How common are kinks and fetishes? What are the most common fetishes? How do I move when thrusting during sex? What are some household objects that I can use as kinky pervertibles? Jess and Brandon weigh in on your kinky questions in this quickie episode. And check out Lovehoney’s wide selection of kink & fetish gear. Use code DRJESS10 to save at checkout. Save 25% with code PODCAST for the Mind Blowing Oral course (Clit and Penis Edition) on the Happier Couples website. If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Kinks, Fetishes & Pervertibles Participant #1: You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I'm your co host, Brandon Ware, here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hey. Hey. 2023. I am finally getting used to writing writing it because I kept typing 2022, even in Contracts. Yeah, I usually do that for the first few weeks of the year and then catch on. I'm liking this year already. Well, that's great. Yes. And we have a quickie for folks today, real quickie on kinks versus fetishes, because we've got a super limited amount of time, and we just got off three flights, one of which was a very, very long overnight flight because we have some work overseas. Yeah, that was a bit of a milk run, but glad to be where we are. Yeah, it was an accident. But we did get to stop for a really good club sandwich. Always about a good club sandwich. Actually, there were two really good stops. We also had a really nice meal in one of the airports that never really happens. Oh, yeah, that's right. We had a stop in Toronto. It feels like a million years ago. But yeah, if you're lucky enough to fly through the Signature Suite in Toronto, their food's always been good. It's from Chef Hawksworth, who's a Canadian chef who has restaurants on the west coast. But the food's gotten even better. Yeah, well, I mean, you loved it. You were happy. I was just pleased not to be sitting on the ground working for an hour. I live for food. I live for food. All right, so we're talking kinks versus fetishes, and this person wants to know something fairly straightforward, which is perfect, because we've got this quicky amount of time. They've asked, what is the difference between a kink and a fetish? How common are they? What are the most common fetishes? And they say, I think I may have a few fetishes. So, Brendan, do you know the difference between a kink and a fetish? I do not. Okay. I'm just straight out, I mean no. Do you think you're kinky? Yeah, I think I'm a little kinky. You're a little kinky. You're not, like, dress up kinky. I don't think you're identity or community kinky. Like, you're not at the dungeons, you're not at the parties. But I could. You could. I took you to one once and they sort of tore you to shreds. Do you remember that? You know, I don't, but I feel like you should tell me that. It was the one that was up high in that apartment for a specific celebration. They did. I recall now because you were in a suit. I was in a suit. I definitely was the one that was singled out as someone who hadn't partaken in some of the activities before. One of these things just doesn't belong to be fair, it was a wedding it was a collar. And so you showed up in a suit. Yep, I did. I wore a very kinky I wore a kinky dress. Anyhow okay, so kinks versus fetishes.