Learning Through Play and Perseverance in Unschooling

02/17/21 • 79 min

On today's show, I'm talking with Heidi Steel. She lives in the UK and has unschooled her children from the very beginning. She's a former teacher, and now spends her time advocating for unschooling and sharing her experiences with other families. She also coaches families as they transition to unschooling and as they need support on her website Live.Play.Learn. She shares why she decided to unschool her kids, her thoughts on uninterrupted play and how we can identify the learning taking place. She also talks about our role in facilitating our children as they grow. She has 10 years of experience, so I'm really eager for you to hear her story.

Previous Episode

Letting Go Of Control

Homeschooling can seem overwhelming when you consider the anxiety we experience based on societal pressures. How can we gain meaningful employment and get into college without attending school? However, we can alternatively ask the question; “does our school system do a good job of ensuring success for everyone?”
Our faith in the school system is supported by a false assurance that if we control our children’s lives, they’ll be successful adults.
Curriculums are limiting, learning isn’t linear, and skills can be learned at any time.
We are all individuals with unique interests and strengths. The school system we have today impairs an individual’s ability to explore their interests fully, and therefore is limited by its own organizational constraints.
Jenna shares that her husband studied French for five years, but hasn’t used it or needed it in his life and has since forgotten most of what he’s learned. What could he have been learning during that time that would have served him better in his life?
Rosa Bonheur was an artist who felt confined by the limitations of school, and upon being expelled, was finally free to pursue her passions. She ultimately led an enormously successful career as a painter.
Learners are the best judges of what they require to succeed. Their motivation leads them to learn new and exciting things and supporting their goals is the best thing we can do in truly educating our children. Self-directed learning provides students with the individualized resources, classes, and mentors they need.
We can not force anyone to learn. We can’t control our children and we should be focusing on our values and modeling them for our children. We can control our own behaviors.
Jenna shares an example of a time when her daughter wanted to order a math workbook, but she doubted she’d ever use it. She realized later that rather than controlling the situation, her daughter could learn a valuable lesson about how she best learns by ordering the workbook and testing it out.
The beauty of homeschooling is its flexibility. Not having control over every aspect of the learning is difficult to adapt to, particularly when we have a schooled mindset, but providing this flexibility and openness improves the trust in your overall relationship with your child.
Jenna shares a tip that helps her family feel more organized and on the same page at the beginning of each month. Together with her kids, they create a template of “an ideal week,” which they then use to help fill in each week’s plan during the month.
They cross-check one another’s schedules to make sure they’re all available for each other as needed. The kids participate in clubs through their online school, and these are also added to the template.
Jenna encourages families to embrace and find joy in the unexpected nature of the homeschooling life.
She leaves listeners with these two quotes:
“True love is built on free will and free choice, not control and manipulation.” Ken Poirot
“To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.” George MacDonald

Next Episode

13 Ways to Address Our Fear and Doubt

Doubt and fear come up a lot within homeschooling forums and groups.
It’s natural to feel doubt and fear when you’re choosing something unconventional for your family. Media and social norms make it difficult for us to stay confident in our choice to homeschool.
Jenna shares a list of ways to realign with your values and boost your confidence.
1. Remember your “why”- On days when you’re feeling a bit low, you can try to remind yourself of the reasons you decided to homeschool in the first place.
2. Observe + reflect - sit with your child and make mental notes about what they are doing. Consider asking them; What do you like about this game? What else do you want to know about it? What’s the best part of it? What are your favorite things about it? How did you get into this? Where did you learn about it? Who else do you know that likes this? After gathering the information for a week, you will get a better understanding of what your child is learning from the activities they are choosing and learn about ways you can better support them if needed. Reflection is important in unschooling. We need to always be asking ourselves questions and considering how we can adapt and change to accommodate our learners.
3. Focus on the positives - Construct a list of ways your child is learning and thriving. Ask yourself; what opportunities have you been able to offer your child that wouldn’t have been possible in a traditional school setting?
4. Reconnect with your Child - join your children in activities they enjoy. Take the time to see the world through their eyes. Make getting to know them one of your high priority projects. Show him that you understand *him*. To build a relationship with your child is to connect with him as he truly is, not with an idealized version of a child you have in your mind.
5. Build your confidence by increasing your knowledge base - Has it been a while since you read a book about self- directed learning or had a conversation about it with someone? Perhaps it’s time to rebuild your knowledge base. Fear of the unknown is crippling sometimes, but informing yourself is liberating. When asked about your homeschooling approach, do you freeze up? Are you capable of explaining self directed learning to people confidently? If not, it’s a good idea to hit the books. One easy way to avoid developing fear is by collecting information about a topic. Keep learning more about self directed learning, check out my resource page where you can find podcasts, blogs, books, and YouTube videos about self directed learning. Join a webinar or take a workshop every now and then, just to stay up-to-date and gain insight. There are tons of resources out there! Start getting curious. But remember, this requires constant revisiting. You’ll forget things and need reminders. Listening to this podcast is a great place to start!
6. Get support - Open the world to your child. You are not meant to be everything to your kids. Lean on others to fulfill areas you don’t feel as strong in. In fact, for self-directed learning to be optimal, you need to invite other humans into your world and create a web of caring individuals that your children can tap into for various things. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself too. Find ways which will help your whole family get their needs met.
7. Concentrate on your strengths - Don’t forget you have strengths too! Sit down and make a list, or better yet, get input from your family and friends if you can’t see them for yourself. You have so much to offer your kiddo, perhaps you just aren’t seeing it. Use your strengths on a daily basis, so you feel like you’re providing something meaningful to your family. If your strength is writing, consider writing notes to your kids. If you are great at math, could you invite your kids to play a game with you or use math in everyday tasks together or by creating a project together?
8. Hang up quotes and/or mantras where you can see them - This is a fun way to remind yourself each and every day of what you find important. You can hang these on the fridge,

frame them and put them on the wall, or simply write it on a sticky note next to your laptop.

One of my favorite John Holt quotes is;

“It is as true now as it was then that no matter what tests show, very little of what is taught in school is learned, very little of what is learned is remembered, and very little of what is remembered is used. The things we learn, remember, and use are the things we seek out or meet in the daily, serious, nonschool part of our lives.”

– John Holt

9. Continue to deschool - Asking ourselves questions like; “is this true” and “why do I think this?” can help us to reveal our true thoughts and feelings and reassess ...