Reimagining Love

In the second part of the "Should I Stay or Should I Go?" series, Dr. Alexandra continues the conversation about Relational Ambivalence and offers listeners eight things they can do to help them move from stuckness to clarity.

Listen to Part 1 of this series:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/reimagining-love/id1588419386?i=1000574755271

Get the Relational Ambivalence worksheet:

www.dralexandrasolomon.com/ambivalence

"Should I Stay or Should I Go?" article by Dr. Alexandra:

https://dralexandrasolomon.com/should-i-stay-or-should-i-go-relational-uncertainty/

E-course for therapists & coaches: “Loving Bravely: Helping Clients who are Single, Dating, and Single Again”:

https://catalog.psychotherapynetworker.org/sales/pn_c_afc001347_15_lovingbravely_email-105645

Mark Groves Ted Talk:

https://www.ted.com/talks/mark_groves_you_were_born_to_love_you_evolved_to_fit_in?language=en

Book: Deliberate Practice in Emotion-Focused Therapy (Essentials of Deliberate Practice) by Dr. Rhonda N. Goldman:

https://www.amazon.com/Deliberate-Practice-Emotion-Focused-Therapy-Essentials/dp/1433832852/ref=sr_1_1?crid=L7QAJ78C3X9T&keywords=rhonda+goldman&qid=1659051680&sprefix=rhonda+goldman%2Caps%2C104&sr=8-1

Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter:

https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/

Take Dr. Alexandra's E-Course, Intimate Relationships 101 (use code LOVEPOD for 10% off at checkout):

https://courses.dralexandrasolomon.com/intimate-relationships-101

Submit your question to Dr. Alexandra:

https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274

Today’s episode is part of a solo series on Reimagining Love about Family of Origin Roles (a.k.a. FOO roles). Tune in on the first two Tuesdays of each month to learn about how the roles we were cast into as children and held within our family systems shape how we show up in our relationships today. Whether you were the one who held the family together, the rebel who pushed back against household norms, or the “easy” kid who flew under the radar, we all inhabited a position in the community of our family and absorbed certain messages about love, connection, and worthiness as a result. Check out the introductory episode of the series if you missed it last month!

We’re taking a look at “The Easy One” role in today’s episode. If you were the kid who could always “go with the flow” in your family, this might be you. As a child, you didn’t express a lot of needs (even though you had them, as we all do!), and that may have been a relief to the Big People in your system, because their attention was needed elsewhere. As an adult, you may identify as a people-pleaser, always attuning yourself to the people around you, wondering how you can make them comfortable or happy. You may believe you’re only worthy to the degree that you’re accommodating others. Does this sound like you, or someone you love? Listen to the episode to learn more about this role and how The Easy One can embark on their healing journey.

Visit www.masterclass.com/alexandrasolomon to check out the class I co-taught with Ryan Holiday and other experts about the wisdom of ancient philosophy and how it can help us improve communication, resilience, and relationships.

Relevant links:

Get the FREE Family of Origin Roles Workbook: Reclaiming You

Take the Family of Origin Roles Quiz

Reimagining Love: “Tending to ‘Little You’ & Exploring Your Family of Origin”

Dr. Alexandra’s Psychotherapy Networker Article

Resources about power exchange / kink:

• From Michelle Herzog’s Center for Modern Relationships: Article Part I, Article Part II
• Pleasure Mechanics: Courses
• Pleasure Mechanics: Podcast episode
• Dipsea: “How to explore light bondage play with your trusted partner” by Toni Sicola (2021)
• Pillow Talk Podcast (Vanessa + Xander Marin): How To Spice It Up In the Bedroom: Exploring Kink For Beginners
• TIME Article: “Why I Kept My Kinks a Secret” by R.O. Kwon (2024)
• British GQ: “A dominatrix gives a beginners guide to kink” by Daisy Schofield (2024)

Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day

Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter

Submit a Listener Question

Ten years after "conscious uncoupling" first entered the public lexicon, Katherine Woodward Thomas joins Reimagining Love to discuss her powerful rebrand of what's possible after a breakup or divorce. Through sharing her story and dissecting the cultural myths that cause us to view divorce as a failure, Katherine encourages us to bring a sense of generosity and intentionality to the process so that we can transform our relationships with our former partner, ourselves, and our futures.

Relevant links:

Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After by Katherine Woodward Thomas

Calling in the One: 7 Weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life (Revised) by Katherine Woodward Thomas

Connect with Katherine online and on Instagram

Marriage, a History: How Love Conquered Marriage by Stephanie Coontz

The Good Divorce by Constance Ahrons

Uncoupling: Turning Points in Intimate Relationships by Diane Vaughan

Order Dr. Alexandra's new book, Love Every Day

Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter

Submit a Listener Question

Loss and grief are universal and profoundly human. The death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, a trauma that drastically shifts the trajectory of a life—each spurs a unique grieving process that can be difficult to navigate for both the people grieving and their support systems. As a chaplain at a Level One Trauma Center in Florida, J.S. Park provides emotional and spiritual care for and comfort to those experiencing grief. His support of patients at the end of their lives, and of the loved ones who remain, adds tremendous impact and compassion to his most recent book, As Long As You Need: Permission to Grieve.

In this episode, J.S. shares with Dr. Alexandra what his education and experience have taught him about the “right” things to say and the ways to support grieving loved ones. He offers deeply considered insights into our misguided fear of bringing up the deceased, the impact of loss on the past and the future, and how to care for both a loved one and oneself during the grieving process.

Relevant Links:

• Order J.S.’s book, As Long As You Need: Permission to Grieve
• Connect J.S. on Instagram
• Order Dr. Alexandra's latest book, Love Every Day
• Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
• Submit a Listener Question

Today’s episode is part of a solo series on Reimagining Love about Family of Origin Roles (a.k.a. FOO roles). We’re exploring how the roles we were cast into as children and held within our family systems shape how we show up in our relationships today. Whether you were the one who held the family together, the rebel who pushed back against household norms, or the “easy” kid who flew under the radar, we all inhabited a position in the community of our family and absorbed certain messages about love, connection, and worthiness as a result. Check out the introductory episode of the series if you missed it! All previous role-specific episodes are also linked below, along with the FREE Family of Origin Roles workbook, Reclaiming You.

We’re taking a look at “The Rebel” role in today’s episode. Some family systems are well-equipped to handle disagreement, debate, and resistance. But when a family is under pressure in any way, a child who questions or challenges the system is going to be seen as a threat. While the Rebel may cling to their strong opinions and double down on their critical stance, feelings of fear, isolation, and anxiety may occur and continue into adulthood, especially around conformity and authority. Does this sound like you, or someone you love? Listen to the episode to learn more about this role and how The Rebel can break free from old stories that their only path to safety was to push back and choose the path of opposition.

Relevant links:

Get the FREE Family of Origin Roles Workbook: Reclaiming You

Reimagining Love episode: “People-Pleasing vs. Brutal Honesty: When & How to Share Feedback with Your Partner”

Reimagining Love episode: “When Having ‘No Filter’ Hurts a Relationship”

Take the Family of Origin Roles Quiz

Dr. Alexandra’s Psychotherapy Networker Article

Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day

Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter

Submit a Listener Question