596 How does poly in person look?
Explicit content warning
04/27/21 • 31 min
Two topics this week! What does post-pandemic poly look like, and how do you keep your boyfriend from surprising you with new partners when you've asked him not to?
0:00 Introduction and host chat- If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
- We’re in top 20 podcasts about polyamory! https://blog.feedspot.com/polyamory_podcasts/
- Minx is fully vaccinated, pending 10 more day’s wait. A massage and travel are on the horizon!
- 3500-word BBC article quoting Dossie Easton and great to show to relatives who think it’s just you: https://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2021/03/major-bbc-article-rise-of-multi-partner.html
- COVD and poly https://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2021/03/at-one-year-mark-polyamorys-many-sided.html
Most white U.S. citizen don’t know about the MOVE bombing, in which when the Philadelphia Police Department bombed a residential home occupied by the militant black anarcho-primitivist group MOVE, and the Philadelphia Fire Department let the fire burn out of control. Five children and six adults were killed. More links:
- The Guardian’s article on reconciliation
- NPR’s recent coverage of losing the children’s bones
- Our take on the Chauvin verdict
If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email [email protected] and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email [email protected]. If you want to pitch yourself as a guest for the podcast, please read this first.
15:00 Topic 1: How does poly in person look?K started her poly journey during the pandemic and has only had socially distanced dates with her new partner. How do you act when you all get together in person so it’s not awkward?
20:45 Topic 2: My partner only tells me about new girlfriends after their datesW is in a relationship with her husband and has a boyfriend, who is also married. He has repeatedly casually dropped that he was going to have an overnight with someone else on her last-minute. She has asked him for advance notice to process, but he continues to bring up his dates last-minute. She wants to know what her “recourse” is, and if she’s overreacting.
28:00 Join the conversationJoin the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.
28:20 FeedbackMatt from 593 shares an update! Emma ghosted him shortly after he sent it, but says, “While I didn't hear your advice now back then, I did essentially come to terms with a lot of what you said. I think you both were accurate with how you looked at things (as usual!) and with hindsight being (not gonna say it), it was tough for a while but I definitely got through it and am feeling good about a lot of things, minus the pandemic that happened since then and still continues. You are not however going lose a follower! You two are absolute gems and I appreciate so much the work that you both do as educators to so many different people. I love learning from you and I hope I continue to take a great appreciation for the awesome work you do. I hope that all is well and continues to be well for you.”
30:00 Thank you!Thanks to Andrew ($69) and Gabriel ($96) for your donations!
Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use...
Two topics this week! What does post-pandemic poly look like, and how do you keep your boyfriend from surprising you with new partners when you've asked him not to?
0:00 Introduction and host chat- If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
- We’re in top 20 podcasts about polyamory! https://blog.feedspot.com/polyamory_podcasts/
- Minx is fully vaccinated, pending 10 more day’s wait. A massage and travel are on the horizon!
- 3500-word BBC article quoting Dossie Easton and great to show to relatives who think it’s just you: https://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2021/03/major-bbc-article-rise-of-multi-partner.html
- COVD and poly https://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2021/03/at-one-year-mark-polyamorys-many-sided.html
Most white U.S. citizen don’t know about the MOVE bombing, in which when the Philadelphia Police Department bombed a residential home occupied by the militant black anarcho-primitivist group MOVE, and the Philadelphia Fire Department let the fire burn out of control. Five children and six adults were killed. More links:
- The Guardian’s article on reconciliation
- NPR’s recent coverage of losing the children’s bones
- Our take on the Chauvin verdict
If you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email [email protected] and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email [email protected]. If you want to pitch yourself as a guest for the podcast, please read this first.
15:00 Topic 1: How does poly in person look?K started her poly journey during the pandemic and has only had socially distanced dates with her new partner. How do you act when you all get together in person so it’s not awkward?
20:45 Topic 2: My partner only tells me about new girlfriends after their datesW is in a relationship with her husband and has a boyfriend, who is also married. He has repeatedly casually dropped that he was going to have an overnight with someone else on her last-minute. She has asked him for advance notice to process, but he continues to bring up his dates last-minute. She wants to know what her “recourse” is, and if she’s overreacting.
28:00 Join the conversationJoin the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.
28:20 FeedbackMatt from 593 shares an update! Emma ghosted him shortly after he sent it, but says, “While I didn't hear your advice now back then, I did essentially come to terms with a lot of what you said. I think you both were accurate with how you looked at things (as usual!) and with hindsight being (not gonna say it), it was tough for a while but I definitely got through it and am feeling good about a lot of things, minus the pandemic that happened since then and still continues. You are not however going lose a follower! You two are absolute gems and I appreciate so much the work that you both do as educators to so many different people. I love learning from you and I hope I continue to take a great appreciation for the awesome work you do. I hope that all is well and continues to be well for you.”
30:00 Thank you!Thanks to Andrew ($69) and Gabriel ($96) for your donations!
Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use...
Previous Episode
595 What if I don't want to hear my partner having s-x?
A listener wants to know if it's OK to consider nesting with a partner if she's not sure she'll be comfortable hearing them have sex with someone else.
0:00 Introduction and host chat- If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
- Thanks to L for taking the dog so we could record! And forgive Baloo saying hello a few times in the episode. J
- D asked for our poly pet peeves, so here they are:
- Sex negativity in the poly community. Nothing wrong if it IS all about the sex!
- Folks who describe polyamory as “more evolved.”
- Poly gatekeepers.
Three best poly 101 articles: https://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2021/03/the-3-best-poly-101-articles-to-share.html
10:00 Lusty Guy’s Politics CornerWe all need to listen to BIPOC voices with respect to U.S. history. Watch the Netflix series Amend: The Fight for America, executive produced and hosted by Will Smith.
14:30 FeedbackIf you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email [email protected] and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email [email protected].
15:00 Topic: is it OK to not want to hear my partner having sex with someone else?E and her partner of two years are moving in together but concerned about hearing metamour sex and having private space. She asks if being completely okay with hearing one’s partner getting down with a meta a pre-requisite for being good nesting partners? What are your thoughts on ways to progress to this point of compersion/okay-ness?
- Don’t borrow trouble. You don’t know how you’ll react, and your actual reaction will probably be different, anyway.
- If it turns out that you don’t, own your shit. It’s your issue to address, not your partner’s.
- What would monogamists do? When monogamists are concerned about living together, they do test runs--a weekend away, a week or two vacation—to experiment with domesticity.
- It’s a two-way door decision: if you don’t like it, you can go back to living apart.
Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.
27:15 FeedbackMica encourages us and you to continue the hard work of being allies to BIPOC.
30:00 Happy poly momentGigi writes in with a happy poly moment about community. Even though her local meetup hadn’t met since February, she wanted to build community by giving back and adopted a family for the holidays. The group jumped at the chance, got every item on the family’s list, including four bikes, and more! A great demonstration of building community by giving back.
32:15 Thank you!Welcome Ivo to the PW Playmates!
Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.
Next Episode
597 I had the best s*x of my life with another guy
SAF's first poly experience outside her marriage was the best sex she's ever had. How does she address the ho-hum sex with her husband?
0:00 Introduction and host chatIf you’re under 18, visit www.scarleteen.com
00:45 Poly in the newsPoly community builders Christopher Smith, Robyn Trask, Marina Reiko, Ruby Bouie Johnson and others did an impressive job for more than an hour on Areva Martin's influential online talk show The Special Report
2:00 Lusty Guy’s Politics CornerToday’s politics corner is the argument for D.C. statehood. The over 700,000 inhabitants of Washington, D.C. pay their taxes and have no voting representation in Congress. The arguments against: it’s unconstitutional (it’s not); you could shrink the size of D.C. to encompass just the White House and government buildings. Others have pointed out the inherent racism, since D.C. has a large percentage of Black people, and there is the partisanship, as D.C. is likely to vote Democratic. When Rep. Mondaire Jones (D-N.Y.) pointed that out, his words stating the racism of the opposing view were against the rules of the house and had to be removed from the record. Please support D.C. statehood!
11:00 FeedbackIf you have questions, comments, or feedback call 802-505-POLY or email [email protected] and attach an MP3 file with your questions. To book us or anything that involves a calendar, email [email protected].
11:30 Topic: I had the best sex of my life with another guy. Help!After eight years of marriage, Stressed as Fuck and her husband opened up their marriage. Stressed quickly had sex with another guy. She says, “the problem is, when I had sex with this other guy it was fucking incredible. Most amazing sex I’ve ever had. It made me realize I haven’t enjoyed sex with my husband. I should also add that he doesn’t want anyone else for sex. But I’m feeling a lot of pressure and just am not feeling like being sexual with him. I feel a lot of guilt. Am I horrible? Is this normal?! Help!”
- You can’t respect boundaries that aren’t yet defined, so keep that discussion ongoing.
- It’s not unusual or surprising that the second person you’ve ever had sex with is good sex. It’s good because it’s different, so don’t assume it’s love. And if sex with your husband was mediocre, explore your emotional connection and sexual desires with your husband. And yes, it’s normal to feel guilty.
- Poly doesn’t fix or destroy relationships, but it does shine a spotlight on issues. You can see as an opportunity to explore ways to improve your sex life. Tons of books will help you explore role play, BDSM, porn, public sex, or other fantasies that could help.
- For the guilt, try the And then what exercise.
Join the community on Facebook at https://facebook.com/polyweekly or Twitter at @polyweekly or @cunningminx, Instagram at cunning.minx or now on TikTok as @cunningminx.
20:45 FeedbackCory, another fan of LustyGuy’s politics corner, writes in.
22:30 Happy poly momentKristen writes in to share a happy poly moment of the first weekend she, her husband, and metamour spent together.
25:45 Thank you!Thanks to new Poly Weekly Playmate Ben ($1.99)!
Thanks to our Poly Weekly Playmates for your financial support! We also love when you review us on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcatcher (including Spotify!) and when you share us with your friends directly. Thanks also to Pacemaker Jane for letting us use their song Good Suspicions as our intro and outro music and to you for listening and sharing.
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