Parenting Post-Wilderness: Parenting a Struggling Teen Before, During and After Treatment - 97. Parenting Tips from Former Troubled Teens Hayley and Colin from ‘Not Therapy’

97. Parenting Tips from Former Troubled Teens Hayley and Colin from ‘Not Therapy’

07/02/24 • 69 min

Parenting Post-Wilderness: Parenting a Struggling Teen Before, During and After Treatment

How can you best support your struggling teen according to former troubled teens?
As teens, Hayley and Colin were both sent to wilderness, followed by other treatment (residential treatment center, and therapeutic boarding school). Now, approximately 12 years later, they use their experience as former troubled teens in treatment to provide peer-to-peer coaching for teens and young adults who feel like therapy hasn’t been the right fit or who are transitioning out of therapeutic programs back into the real world.

They vulnerably open up about the intense emotions they faced before, during, and after their treatment journeys, after which we delve into the role of parents during and after treatment. If you’ve ever wondered how you can best support your struggling teen and what things might not be helpful for them at all, this episode is a must-listen.

"How much are the parents actually going to therapy?” - Colin MacDonald

I’m beyond grateful to Colin and Hayley for sharing their unique perspective and giving us a glimpse inside the minds of teens being sent to wilderness and other treatment facilities.

Listen and learn, parents.

In this episode full of parenting tips from former troubled teens, we discuss:

What does it feel like to be sent away to treatment as a teenager?;
How can parents support their child before, during, and after treatment?
What did their parents do that was very helpful for these struggling teens? And what was not helpful at all?;
How does being sent away to treatment impact family dynamics and sibling relationships?
Recognizing you don’t know what your child is going through or has gone through in treatment;
And more.

Need support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

More about Colin MacDonald and Hayley Caddes

Colin and Hayley are "former troubled teens" who spent their last two years of high school in wilderness and residential treatment programs. Based on their experience, they co-founded Not Therapy to provide peer-to-peer coaching for teens and young adults who feel like therapy hasn’t been the right fit or who are transitioning out of therapeutic programs back into the real world. As young people who have been in their clients’ shoes, their approach is rooted in personal expertise.

Learn more about Not Therapy on their website or blog, connect with them on LinkedIn, or directly book a free call.

Support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

🌱 LIVE Online Workshop 'Resolve The Cycle of Conflict' 🌱
May 2nd & 16th, 2025
Sign up or learn more over at www.bethhillmancoaching.com/conflictworkshop
I hope to see you there!

"How much are the parents actually going to therapy?” - Colin MacDonald

I’m beyond grateful to Colin and Hayley for sharing their unique perspective and giving us a glimpse inside the minds of teens being sent to wilderness and other treatment facilities.

Listen and learn, parents.

In this episode full of parenting tips from former troubled teens, we discuss:

What does it feel like to be sent away to treatment as a teenager?;
How can parents support their child before, during, and after treatment?
What did their parents do that was very helpful for these struggling teens? And what was not helpful at all?;
How does being sent away to treatment impact family dynamics and sibling relationships?
Recognizing you don’t know what your child is going through or has gone through in treatment;
And more.

Need support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

More about Colin MacDonald and Hayley Caddes

Learn more about Not Therapy on their website or blog, connect with them on LinkedIn, or directly book a free call.

Support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

🌱 LIVE Online Workshop 'Resolve The Cycle of Conflict' 🌱
May 2nd & 16th, 2025
Sign up or learn more over at www.bethhillmancoaching.com/conflictworkshop
I hope to see you there!

Previous Episode

96. Learning How to Trust Your Struggling Teen Again with Therapist Trevor Allen

How can you trust your teen is learning and growing even when some behaviors look similar?
Moving past your teen’s previous behavior can feel hard, especially when they’re showing similar behaviors now. But they’ve been to treatment, and they’re older now, so how can you know whether it’s a repetitive pattern behavior you’re witnessing or whether maybe the same behavior has a completely different motivation behind it?
When something’s unknown, it’s very easy and normal for us to look for a reference, a moment in the past that looked similar. It’s like a trauma response. But it also means we’re operating from a place of fear.

“[As a parent], because I’m just waiting for it, because I just fear so much that you’ll do it again, anything that looks like old behavior feels like a relapse.” - Trevor Allen

And how does this reflect on your struggling teen? Do they feel seen for the person they are now or for the person they used to be? Your trauma response might involuntarily be communicating with your teen that you don’t believe they’ve changed.

“As someone who has gone through these changes, I can personally say, it's hurtful. ... It’s hurtful when someone doesn’t see you in the new when you have done all of this work” - Seth Gottlieb

I’m joined today by both Seth Gottlieb and Trevor Allen to shine a light on both the parent perspective and the teen perspective of this delicate topic.

Is your teen really changing? Let’s discuss it in today’s episode.

In this episode on learning how to trust your struggling teen again, we discuss:

Are you unconsciously waiting for your teen’s maladaptive behavior to happen again?;
How can you know if your teen is changing?;
What is true change?;
The importance of seeing your teen for the individual they are, not the one they were;
Learning how to trust your teen again;
And much more!

Need support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

More about Trevor Allen
Trevor has worked with adolescents and families for 26 years in various roles. He currently is working as a therapist and a coach for adolescents and parents. He and his wife own a private practice called Juniper Hill Counseling & Coaching.

One of his biggest strengths is a person-centered approach in that he works hard to see the perspective of the client. It is his belief that connection and relationship is intrinsically important and has the secondary benefit that it creates fertile soil for change.

His family is what is most important to him. In his free time, Trevor enjoys running long distances in the Mountains of Utah.

Support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

🌱 LIVE Online Workshop 'Resolve The Cycle of Conflict' 🌱
May 2nd & 16th, 2025
Sign up or learn more over at www.bethhillmancoaching.com/conflictworkshop
I hope to see you there!

Next Episode

98. What Does ‘Doing Your Work’ Mean? An Interview With My Latest Parent Coaching Group

“You think you’re doing okay and then you realize ‘How did I miss how much my child was struggling?’” - Hope

Meet the parents from my latest parent coaching group. Eight months ago, these parents went on a 6-month journey with me to influence lasting change in themselves and their struggling teens. Now, they’re bravely sharing their stories, what it means for them to ‘do the work’ as a parent, and much more.

“It was really hard to distinguish what’s teenage behavior, fighting with your mom, or what’s ‘you’re fighting with your mom because you’re so depressed that you just need to feel something.’” - Ella

These are the parents of teens who struggled with depression, suicidal thoughts, and suicide attempts. Teens who’ve been in various kinds of treatment, including in-patient, and wilderness.

They have been in your shoes. They’ve done the work, and continue doing so. They’ve grown. And they’re here to share.

In this episode on what it means to do the work as a parent, we discuss:

What was the work these parents had to put in to influence lasting change in themselves and their teens?;
The stories of these parents and their struggling teens;
Identifying the facts versus the stories they tell themselves;
Creating awareness around the part you’re playing;
Where have these parents grown the most? What are they most proud of?;
The advice they would give themselves if they could time-travel back to 5 years ago;
And more!

Need support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

🌱 LIVE Online Workshop 'Resolve The Cycle of Conflict' 🌱
May 2nd & 16th, 2025
Sign up or learn more over at www.bethhillmancoaching.com/conflictworkshop
I hope to see you there!