Parenting Post-Wilderness: Parenting a Struggling Teen Before, During and After Treatment

I’ve been feeling a lot of anxiety lately. Our wilderness kid is doing really well, so you’d think, after all the heartache, pain, and anxiety of that journey, things would finally feel calm. But life has a way of throwing curveballs, doesn’t it?
But honestly, I’ve been judging my anxiety hard. What’s your problem? Why can’t you handle this? You used to be good at this! You’re a mess. It’s exhausting, and the more I try to push these thoughts away, the louder they get.
But then a good reminder brought me back on the path of unshaming and it started to shift my perspective.
I know many of you are navigating hard times too. The mistakes we make, the thoughts that feel overwhelming, they need unshaming. They need understanding. That’s where healing starts. And as I work through this, I’m learning to love myself through the experience.
If you’re in a season of anxiety or shame, I want you to know I’m here for you. Together, we can unlearn the judgment and begin to embrace understanding.
In this episode on unshaming anxiety, I reflect on:

• My recent struggles with anxiety and what they’ve taught me;
• How anxiety often masks deeper emotions, like sadness or fear;
• The transformative power of understanding and accepting anxiety;
• Unshaming past actions to regain control and self-compassion.

Please know, you are not alone.
Other episodes on this topic:
61. How to Unshame Your Parent Regrets With David Bedrick - Part 1
62. How to Unshame the Identified Patient in Your Home With David Bedrick - Part 2
Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.
Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]
You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

It’s SO frustrating when your kid doesn’t take your advice, isn’t it?! As parents, we have more life experience and we can share our advice with our kids to give them an easier and smoother life experience, at least that’s how it feels to us, right?
That’s not how it works though. Together with Ciara Fanlo (a former “troubled teen” turned mentor for adolescents and their families), I explore why teens often don’t take advice, how to shift from frustration to understanding, and how to support teens as they build their library of life experiences.
Because here’s the thing: while as parents have decades of life experience, our teens are still gathering theirs. “There’s no substitute for life experience” Ciara explains. You want to save them from heartache and disappointment because you know how hard it is. But the problem is, that doesn’t actually teach them anything. Hardly anyone, whether kids, teens, or adults, learns from hearing. We learn by experiencing.

So even when your teen intellectually understands your advice, they don’t have their own memory bank yet of setbacks, disappointments, and triumphs, that they can connect it to to really integrate the lesson.

So what does that mean? In short, it means that we should let our kids make their own mistakes, no matter how difficult that may be. Let them build their own library of experiences.

“Parenting is not about saving your child from experience; it’s about helping them find themselves through the experience.” - Beth Hillman

So how can you best support your teen in doing this? Let’s discuss it in today’s episode.
In this episode on why your kid shouldn’t take your advice, we discuss:

• Why teens don’t always listen to advice, and why they shouldn’t;
• Understanding the gap between a parent’s lived experience and a teen’s need to build their own;
• How heartbreak, disappointment, and mistakes serve as the real teachers for teens;
• How parents can best support, encourage, and influence their teen (without enabling) to learn through their experience;
• Dealing with frustration, fear, and the urge to protect as a parent while allowing your kid space for growth;
• And more!

Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

More about Ciara Fanlo
Ciara Fanlo is a former “troubled teen” who now supports struggling adolescents and their families. After recovering from her own challenging years, she founded Homing Instinct to share what she learned from her experiences. Ciara now provides personalized mentorship and coaching for teens as they navigate the transformative and tumultuous journey of becoming a young adult in today’s world.
You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show
And remember parents, the change begins with us.

Have you ever snapped at your partner or your teen over something small, not really sure why you overreacted? Or like no matter how much sleep you get or how many cups of coffee you drink, there’s still a part of you that feels completely drained?

Oof, believe me, you’re not alone. In this episode, Seth and I dive deep into a topic that resonates with every parent: understanding our limits and how to recognize when we’re stretched too thin.

We often fill our days with obligations or even fun activities that keep us busy, but rarely do we pause to ask, “How am I really doing emotionally, physically, mentally, relationally, and spiritually?”

“A lot of times when there’s emotional stress in my life, I’m giving out a ton of emotional energy, but I don’t realize the physical toll it’s taking on me.” - Seth Gottlieb

It’s a reality many of us parents face: We push ourselves beyond our physical and emotional limits without even noticing the signs our bodies are sending us.

Have you ever noticed how your energy automatically flows to your obligations? Work, your teen, ... you name it. But what happens when our personal cup is empty? That’s when we tend to overreact to minor inconveniences, not because of the small things themselves, but because we are simply exhausted. And it’s hard not to let this exhaustion seep into our family dynamics, leading to unhealthy interactions.

Seth and I break down how to become more self-aware and communicate your current emotional bandwidth to your partner and children. Don’t get me wrong, this is not about always being positive or suppressing emotions. It's about recognizing what's really going on inside you and being honest about it. Because let’s be real: until we’re fully taking care of ourselves, we can’t be fully present for others.

But self-awareness takes practice. It requires us to pause and check in with ourselves regularly. Are we really okay, or are we just telling ourselves we are? What activities genuinely fill our buckets, and which ones are simply distractions?

Let’s explore this more together in today’s episode!

In this episode on becoming aware of our own limits as parents, we discuss:

• Recognizing our own physical, emotional, mental, relational, and spiritual limits as parents;
• Understanding how our capacity can impact those around us;
• The cost for ourselves and our families of Ignoring our needs as parents;
• The connection between physical and emotional energy and how this impacts our behavior and family dynamics.
• Differentiating between enjoyable and restorative activities;
• Having empathy for the energy needs of others, especially our struggling teens;
• Learning to communicate our current emotional state and limitations to our family members;
• Building healthier interactions within the family by understanding and managing our own energy levels;
• How self-regulation and self-awareness are key to being the best parent we can be.

Need support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

How can you best support your struggling teen according to former troubled teens?
As teens, Hayley and Colin were both sent to wilderness, followed by other treatment (residential treatment center, and therapeutic boarding school). Now, approximately 12 years later, they use their experience as former troubled teens in treatment to provide peer-to-peer coaching for teens and young adults who feel like therapy hasn’t been the right fit or who are transitioning out of therapeutic programs back into the real world.

They vulnerably open up about the intense emotions they faced before, during, and after their treatment journeys, after which we delve into the role of parents during and after treatment. If you’ve ever wondered how you can best support your struggling teen and what things might not be helpful for them at all, this episode is a must-listen.

"How much are the parents actually going to therapy?” - Colin MacDonald

I’m beyond grateful to Colin and Hayley for sharing their unique perspective and giving us a glimpse inside the minds of teens being sent to wilderness and other treatment facilities.

Listen and learn, parents.

In this episode full of parenting tips from former troubled teens, we discuss:

• What does it feel like to be sent away to treatment as a teenager?;
• How can parents support their child before, during, and after treatment?
• What did their parents do that was very helpful for these struggling teens? And what was not helpful at all?;
• How does being sent away to treatment impact family dynamics and sibling relationships?
• Recognizing you don’t know what your child is going through or has gone through in treatment;
• And more.

Need support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

More about Colin MacDonald and Hayley Caddes

Colin and Hayley are "former troubled teens" who spent their last two years of high school in wilderness and residential treatment programs. Based on their experience, they co-founded Not Therapy to provide peer-to-peer coaching for teens and young adults who feel like therapy hasn’t been the right fit or who are transitioning out of therapeutic programs back into the real world. As young people who have been in their clients’ shoes, their approach is rooted in personal expertise.

Learn more about Not Therapy on their website or blog, connect with them on LinkedIn, or directly book a free call.

Support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

Collaborating with your child on technology habits, can you imagine?

Or your child making the decision to put down their game console and go for a run instead, not because ‘mom’s been nagging about it’ but because it’s what they want themselves?

In this second part of my interview with Emily, we’re diving deeper into how you can collaborate with your teen about their own technology habits.

[Haven’t listened to part 1 of this interview yet? Have a listen to episode #77 first!]

Listen as Emily shares the ‘Story of my life’ approach she used with the kids inside Family Tech University. Through thoughtful reflection and guided questions, this approach helps teens and kids explore their dreams, aspirations, and the impact of their technology habits on their future selves.

In this episode on collaborating with your teen on their technology habits, we discuss:

• Helping our kids make conscious choices about their technology habits by helping them reflect on the life they want for themselves;
• How to empower your teen to make wise decisions about technology use;
• Gradually introducing our kids to technology;
• Modeling healthy technology habits to our teens and kids;
• And more!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program.

🗺️Create your own Parent Home Plan with the help of my free guide.

Ps. Are you getting great value out of this podcast? It would mean the world to me if you could leave a review on Apple Podcasts. This way, you will help me reach and help more parents of struggling teens develop healthy responses and boundaries instead of acting out of fear and anxiety. You can leave a review by clicking here, scrolling to the bottom, tapping to leave a star rating and then write your review. Thanks so much!

And if you haven’t already done so, make sure to subscribe to our show so you don’t miss any of my future episodes!

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

About today’s guest:

Emily Madsen Jones is co-founder with husband Dave of Family Tech University; an organization with a paradigm-shifting perspective on powerful tech parenting. She is a writer, author, speaker, and teacher... but her best wisdom on the technology parenting was gleaned from motherhood, via 5 non-perfect, fiercely adored children.

You can connect with Emily on Instagram or Facebook.