Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays

12/14/22 • 41 min

This week goes over all the common holiday issues we often face with our kids, including unwanted touch, food, getting gifts, and boundaries!
Overall, let's lower our expectations - our kids are going to be a disaster. Give them (and yourself) grace!
I care more about my relationship with my kids and what they think about me than family members I see a couple times a year.
Kids should be in charge of their own bodies!
If adults get their feelings hurt because a small child doesn't want to hug/kiss them, that says more about that adult than it does about the child. It's not a child's responsibility to make sure the adults around them are comfortable and happy. If you need help with this, try:
1. Develop a plan with your kids beforehand
2. Carry your kids if they're small
3. Keep them close to run interference
4. Respond for them ("she doesn't want a hug right now")
5. Offer an alternative (fist bump/high five)
Do not touch a child who does not want to be touched!
If you're concerned about your kids opening gifts they won't like or not responding in the best way, here are some suggestions:
1. Prep them for gifts and ways they can respond honestly and appropriately
2. Speak for them if they're having a hard time
3. Ask if you can take the gifts and open them at home
If you're giving a gift simply for the reaction and praise/acknowledgement from someone, then that's not really a gift.
A couple thoughts about food:
1. Don't comment on how much or how little they're eating
2. Let them eat everything in whatever order they choose; no dessert only if you eat what's on your plate
3. Use natural consequence and prompt them to listen to their bodies
4. Be prepared for them to only eat rolls
If you feel like you need to set boundaries with family members for the holidays:
1. Understand your boundaries are important and valid
2. Prep family members and what your boundaries are and what your response will be if they're not honored
3. Hold
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Previous Episode

Climb Every Mountain

My kid won't stop climbing everything!!! This week talks about a common issue parents face, particularly with young kids, but gives a different perspective on what might be driving this behavior in our littles.
What in the Week - while we want our kids to understand how their behavior impacts others, it's also important to help them understand that they are not responsible for the reactions and feelings of other people.
When all we do is chase the behavior of our kids instead of trying to understand the 'why,' we miss key opportunities to teach what to do when they feel similar ways in the future.
Now on to climbing.....a lot of the boundaries we put in place as parents use safety as the justification. The truth is, though, that our kids are usually appropriately exploring their environment, and our anxiety as adults convinces us they're unsafe, so we intervene.
Climbing is a very normal, typical part of development and kids climb for different reasons:
1. They're exploring their environment
2. It uses different muscle groups
3. It helps develop their sensory systems
4. It helps regulate them
Instinctually, kids know how to trust themselves, and their bodies send them signals when they are reaching their limits of exploration. Their bodies are designed to protect them, above all else. By overcommunicating our fear as adults, we don't allow them to listen to their bodies in this area, stunting the development of their understanding of themselves.
Our kids are much more likely to hurt themselves in more day to day activities. This source lists these activities:

Rollerblading or skateboarding
Playing on a playground
Trampoline use
Bicycling
Handball
Ice skating

Because climbing helps develop our proprioceptive and vestibular systems, it can also be regulatory for kids who need this type of sensory input. It's important to always look for the reason behind the behavior, and look for ways to meet their need in a more appropriate way, as opposed to simply try to make the behavior/need go away.
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Next Episode

ADHD

We're back! After taking a much needed break, we're back to discuss one of the most common diagnoses for kids: ADHD.
There has been a significant increase in the number of ADHD diagnoses over the last 5-10 years, leading us to question: Is it really increasing? Are we getting better at diagnosing? Is there increased awareness? Are we overdiagnosing?
There is an increased awareness that ADHD-like symptoms are often the result of a disrupted attachment, largely due to the brain changes that happen when kids are faced with adverse experiences.
Ultimately, we still want to teach our kids skills and how to manage their difficulties more effectively. Many times, the things we medicate, diagnose, or address are those things that frustrate us as parents.
If you're looking for alternatives prior to, or in addition to medication to manage ADHD symptoms, here are some ideas:

planners/calendars
reminders
recording lectures
allow use of notes on tests
extra time for tests/quizzes
visual schedules/reminders
sit at front of class
noise cancelling headphones
listening to music
single step directions

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